


Song of Stevens

by PerpetualSpinster



Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel
Genre: Black Character(s), Christianity, Erik Killmonger Feels, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Religion, Smut, redeemed erik killmonger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-16
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 04:42:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14947800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerpetualSpinster/pseuds/PerpetualSpinster
Summary: As a member of your church since you were a baby, you are used to the weekly duties of being a member of the Black church:  being involved in the community and navigating the social norms within.  Your faith is unwavering but the world has a tendency to make you fall sometimes.  One day, a lost soul comes back home and you task yourself as a good person to help them along their Spiritual journey as Christ had.  But will you be able to turn the coal into a diamond?  Or will rolling around with the dog gain you fleas?





	1. Chapter 1

This was one of those Sundays you wished you stayed home but guilt is a powerful motivator. Your mother is ushering this Sunday, which means if you miss then she is definitely going to notice and you will not hear the end of it until the next one. You have some Jorja Smith playing as you put your face together into a respectable beat, Fenty glow on deck. Your wardrobe inspiration is minimal today so you put on a simple navy button down dress with a belt around your waist, and some lace up chunky brown heels. Your twist out was being obedient today, Thank God, as you checked yourself in the mirror one last time before heading off.

Pulling up to the church, you dig through you purse for your “Welcome Committee” member pin. Church wouldn’t be half as much of a struggle if you weren’t forced to hug and talk to people you don’t know from Adam every time. Just once, you’d like to walk in and enjoy the service without side responsibilities, but the Pastor’s assistant said you have ‘a gift’ so you have to use the blessings God puts forth in your life. But you just think she probably said that to about 10 other people who were smart enough to say no before you.

You walk up the steps and greet the sisters.

“Good morning! How are you Sister (Y/N)?” one says.

You hug her saying, “I’m good, Sister Gladys, and you?”

“Oh I’m blessed, I’m blessed!” she smiles wide.

“Good to see you make it this Sunday, baby!” another one says,

You look past Sister Gladys, “Yes, Sister Helen. Can’t keep me from my Lord if you tried.”

“Well I guess the devil won out a couple times on you, huh? You always here when your mother is on the aisles though.” she says with attitude.

“Yes, well we are pretty close. Let me go ahead and find her actually.” You say trying to hurry off.

“Ok, sweetie. Button up your dress baby. You in the House of God.” she yells after you.

You roll your eyes as you make your way into the sanctuary. The rows of pews were empty as service didn’t start for another 30 minutes. Sunday school crowd will be filling in any minute.

Your mother sees you as you walk in, “How are you sugar? You drive safe?”

“I did! Glad to see you in the house of the Lord!”

“Ok little girl, you layin it on pretty damn thick.” she says as you hug. “Woulda like to have seen you make it for Sunday School though…”

“Ma, I had a long night, I’m lucky to have dressed myself proper before getting here.”

“Mhm, your dress looks nice. That’s new?”

You nod. “Long as you got something to lay up on the altar, that’s fine.” she says.

“Mama! I ain’t cheating God out of his percent, come on!” You may not hit the 10% every time, but you make sure to give.

You take your post at the door as service starts to commence. The praise and worship team makes their selections, then announcements are made. You get really bored waiting for people to come into the church, and you weren’t allowed to have your phone out so you left it at your seat with your mom. Your feet were beginning to hurt but it was almost time for the Pastor to make his sermon which is when you get to sit down.

Looking off at the parking lot across the street, you see sleek car pull in real fast into a spot, you could hear the music bumping, muffled from within. You study the car for a second as it sits there for a couple minutes. You wondered if you should call a deacon to check it out but soon the car door opens, and out pops the driver. Boots hit the pavement as his height unfolds from his low-riding vehicle. Distressed jeans and a long sleeved ribbed shirt, shades on, even from a distance you could tell this nigga was fine. He closes the car door, and looks toward your direction. You straighten up a little, even though he most likely was looking at the church in general. He strides across the street up the stairs to the church and you start to move towards the door he was headed to, but one of the other sisters already got to him.

“Good Morning, young man! Welcome to our church. Are you visiting a member or coming on your own?”

She shakes his hand as he takes his shades off. “Yeah, I’m on my own right now.”

“Wonderful! A soul with initiative!” Sister Gladys was so damn bougie. “Take a visitor’s card and fill out your information while you find a seat, please.”

You take the opportunity to get a card for him and reach it out to him. He looks from the card, up your body, then your face. “Thanks, I appreciate that.”

You push your flesh-driven thoughts to the back burner as best you can. “Thank you for joining us today. Sit anywhere you like.”

He nods keeping his eyes locked on you until he turns to the door sister Gladys had open for him. The swell of applause fills the foyer as he walks in. The pastor is just getting the crowd started with Amens and all that. You and Sister Gladys go in, finding a seat. You sit in a row a couple seats up from the back, trying to find your target again. He is in the same section, but a couple of seats up from you. He is leaned forward facing the pulpit, you study his broad back flush with the fabric of his shirt, shoulders that are testing the stretchability to its utmost. You cross your legs, praying for God to extinguish the heat from between you.

Pastor is giving a message on forgiveness, not holding grudges and letting go of the past. “God does not bring us this far, for us to turn back now! All that you been through, think about how many people ain’t here to see today. But you made it! God has a purpose for your life, but if you heart is filled with hate, his light cannot shine through you! Help me somebody!”

The congregation applauds and yells praises, encouraging Pastor to keep on. You were moved by the lesson but your eyes always floated to the mystery man from earlier. You could tell he was wiping his eyes a couple times, making you melt a little. Was he getting the message too? You shake your head at the thoughts you had earlier, shaming yourself for seeing this soul who is seeking out spiritual refuge as a thirst object.

Soon, it was time to the altar call. You and the rest of the church stands up.

“You don’t have to fight this fight alone. The Holy Spirit is our first line of defense against the attacks of the devil. If you are ready, and have accepted the Jesus as your Lord and Savior, come. He has already forgiven you, come unto His house.”

The congregation sings in unison ‘Come to Jesus’, the church has their eyes closed as you meditate in the moment.

“Is there one? He sees you brother just come on, we welcome you.”

Applause erupts as someone comes up to the altar. You open your eyes and prepare to make your way down to greet them and prepare them for counsel which is a duty of being part of the Welcome Committee. You can’t see past the people standing but as you round the corner of the aisle you see him standing in front of you. He is getting hugs from others on the Welcome Committee, his eyes red from emotion. You’re more nervous than ever for this process, as you walk up to him and feign a smile. He sees you but doesn't seem focused on you like before as he gives you a quick, polite hug.

“What’s your name, son?” The Pastor asks.

“Ah, it’s Erik. Erik Stevens.” he says, his voice quiet and deep from emotion. You try not to think about how beautiful he looks crying; how this grown man looks like a young abandoned child as the Pastor gives him a speech of encouragement and instructs the Welcome Committee to take him so he can get information about church resources and take down his contact information.

You and the rest of the committee guide Erik down to the church office, having a seat around a table. “So, Brother Erik, what brings you here today?” Sister Gladys asks, pen at the ready.

Erik leans back in his chair, rubbing his chin, “Uh, I just wanted to get back into the Word, you know. It’s been a minute since I been in church so I figured now’s a good time to get back into it.”

“Was there a specific reason you chose our church house today?”

He shrugs, “Nah, I’m just looking for something better.” He looks in your direction. “The spirit I feel in this congregation is so beautiful, I can’t help but stick around and work for a piece of it.”

Sister Helen chimes in, “Have you ever been in any trouble with the law, son? Gangbanging, drugs, sexual perversion?”

Everyone hisses at her. “Helen, we don’t get into all of that up front, stop being rude.” Another sister says.

“Sheila Ann, you know more than anybody we need to be vetting these new members, especially this Tonka truck lookin mutha-”

“WOW! Ok! Erik, please take these brochures showing all we have to offer at the church. We have classes, and team activities. You look like you’d be a good fit for our basketball team, but I’ll leave that up to you.” Sister Gladys said.

“Don’t interrupt me talkin, heffa!” Sister Helen says, pointing a boney finger. “Sheila got her husband stole by some young new girl who probably was street walkin before coming in here-”

“Sister Helen we gotta get this young man on with his day. Now we have to assign him a mentor, would you like to be his?”

“Hell no! I got things to do, my kids are grown. I have no plans to babysit nobody no more.” Sister Helen shakes her head in disgust.

“Erik, I know we don’t have any men on the committee right now, but we could elect a deacon if that’s more comfortable?” Sister Gladys asks.

Erik twists his mouth thinking, “Nah, that’s fine. I don’t need special treatment. Thank you though. But uh, what does a mentor do anyway?”

“Well, they meet with you at the church, usually Saturdays but we can discuss scheduling if that doesn’t work. And you all would discuss matters affecting you, look over lessons for the upcoming sermon or just personal Bible Study.”

He nods, “Ok, well then uh, could that young lady be my mentor then?”

You look up and see him looking at you. He’s serious in the face, but you can tell in his eyes he is being sneaky about something.

“Oh! Well I think this would be your first mentorship, wouldn’t it (Y/N)? But I know you have a busy schedule yourself, but do you want to try it out?” Sister Gladys asks.

All eyes are on you, waiting on your reply, “Well I-”

“Is that even appropriate? His hot-tail self comes in and REQUESTS the youngest of us to be his mentor?” Sister Helen interrupts.

“Sister Helen, it is one thing to accuse this man for whatever his past may be but (Y/N) has been a member since she was born. Have some respect in her ability!” Sheila Ann chimes in.

“Mhm, and David was nothing but a little shepard but eventually he became King and fooled with Bathsheba!” Sister Gladys hissed.

“Ok! I would like to mentor him! That’s my choice, ok! Like you said, it would be my first, so why not.” You say, hands raised in surrender. “And your accusations look terrible in front of him, so please if y’all don’t mind, Mr. Stevens, let me show you around the church and our designated meeting room.”

You stand up and walk out before the other women have a chance to speak. Walking down the hall you feel hot with embarrassment. Erik trots up beside you.

“Hey! You aight?”

“Yeah, it’s just, they can be a big pain in my...you know.”

He scoffs, “Yeah, I know. This ain’t my first time seeing shit like that.”

You give him a look. “Oh shit, my bad. I mean, damn uh… I cuss a lot, baby girl, so just ignore all that.”

“Kind of hard to do man, you can’t reel it in on a Sunday?” You open the door to a room, walking in.

“Listen, I won’t make a promise I can’t keep. The Lord says something about that, right?”

“Yeah, James 5:12 ‘But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.’” You recite.

He walks in after you, standing in the middle of the room, looking around, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“So, this is where we would meet to talk about whatever. There’s no time limit, and it’s not even mandatory, so just let me know if you not showin up.”

“How will I contact you about that?”

“I got your contact info, I’ll share mine when it’s necessary. You wanna sit?”

He smiles, revealing two golds on the bottom row of his teeth. You guys sit across from each other at a table. “You like being here? Doing this?”

“It’s not bad. I didn’t choose it but I do feel like I do a good job doing it, so maybe someone sees more of me than I can see.”

“God, right?” he asks.

“Yeah, mostly. But God can send people to bring something out of you too.”

You both are quiet for a moment, nervous about what to say next. You decide to try and get to know him a little. “So, what do you do for a living?”

“Mostly odd jobs, here and there. I haven’t found a permanent job but I’m former military so I get by.”

You raise your eyebrows, “Hm, ok. Well, how was your life in the military?”

He shrugs, crossing his arms, “It was about like what you imagine. It was boring at times, it was dangerous at times. Worked with some assholes-” he covers his mouth wide eyed in pretend worry. You roll your eyes smiling a little. “And some good folks, but overall I would do it again. It made me who I am now.”

“Did you have regrets? I know you have to follow orders, so were there anything you did that you didn’t want to?”

“Plenty. I took things from people, I killed, I broke up communities, interrupted lives. People don’t think about what foreign folks gotta go through when we invade to try and help. A lot of the times we do a lot of damage along the way and make sacrifices that look bad. It’s hard to be patriotic when you think about that.”

You look away at this admission. He really seen some shit. Maybe he should’ve had a deacon mentor, cuz hell if you knew how to get through that.

“Well, do you ever meditate to clear your mind?”

“Depends on your definition of meditate.” He says in air quotes.

“Sometimes you gotta turn everything off, shut your mind down and just talk to God. Thank him for the blessing, and then ask forgiveness. Lastly, see if he can guide you in the right direction. It’s a great reset.”

“Can you show me how?”

You nod eagerly, “Sure, uh here. Let me come around.” You drag you chair in front of him and he turns to face you.

“Ok, give me your hands.”

He does. You clear your throat, more to calm yourself from the contact than to be ready to speak. His hand close around yours firmly.

“Ok, so close your eyes.”

He does, then opens one.

“And keep them closed!”

He shuts it again, smiling to himself. He settles into his chair, thumbs run across the back of your hands.

“Your hands hella soft (Y/N).”

You heat up a little at his matter-of-factness. “Focus, please.”

A moment of silence passes. You study his face as he has his eyes shut. He has nice lashes, something you never understood with guys. Why do they get the best lashes? You look over his locs, braided back neatly. His beard frames his face, patchy in parts. A chain hugs his neck, the end of which is hidden underneath his shirt.

Time passes and Erik says, “You know, I wouldn’t mind a clipped version of this for the time being? I kinda got somewhere to be later.”

Even watching his mouth move was mesmerizing to you. His lips so full and perfect. You could tell that jaw could torture you in so many ways if he wanted to.

“Yeah ok, so this is when you would think about God and his goodness, being grateful. And then make your confessions and needs known.”

“Ok, let me come up with something real quick. Um, thank you God for your grace, mercy. I got here just like I promised, so there’s that. Um, forgive me for my sins. You know I got a lot of shit uh, my bad, to work through and I don’t need this pretty girl being scarred by the details but you know. Also, thank you for her helping me. Only God knows what really keeps my attention and motivation.”

You smile a little. He even prays like a little kid.

“But um, just keep the blessing coming forward. I’m making a effort this time, so just don’t forsake me. Amen.” His eyes open. “How’d I do?”

You sigh in relief, “Great, that was really good.”

“I meant that sh- uh stuff too. You been cool since I got here and you know your shit so.... My bad.”

You laugh, “It’s ok, ain’t nobody but us here anyway.”

A moment goes before you notice he is licking his lips and still caressing you hands. The door to the room opens.

“Hey, you guys bout done? We’re locking up the church now.” Sister Gladys peeks in.

You nod and drop his hands. “Yeah, we just finished prayer.”

You both get up and head for the front door. Sister Gladys pulls you aside a moment as Erik walks on.

“I just wanted you to know I stand by you being able to mentor that young man. Helen was really in her true element today.” she says.

“Thank you. It’s ok, she just being herself but I can handle myself and Erik really has an interesting background so I’m looking forward to digging deeper with him.” You say. Sister Gladys hugs you and wishes you a blessed week. As you both walk out, you speak to him before parting ways.

“So thanks again for coming. I hope you’re able to make it next Sunday.”

“Oh, definitely. No doubt about that. Especially for our one on ones. Congratulations on me being your first!” He calls as he walks away.

You watch him walk away before heading to your own car. His legs just never quit, with them long ass daddys, but how in the hell did THAT find its way on your side of town in your little church. But you prayed a selfish prayer, hoping they’d make their way back soon.


	2. Chapter 2

The next Sunday Erik didn’t make it to church which made you feel especially like your time was wasted. Your mom didn’t even make to to services that day. When church began to wrap up, you decided to text Erik to see if he even wanted to do the mentorship thing this week.  
While hugging people and saying goodbyes, you look out of the glass doors and see that sleek car pulling up into the parking lot. He steps out, and you start to sweat on impact. He’s coming up here now?  
Erik comes up the stairs and looks around, finding you. He smiles meekly making his way over to you.  
“What’s this about, man? You missed church., why are you making a special trip?” you cross your arms authoritatively.  
“Yeah, I had something come up this morning but I didn’t want to miss out on the mentorship shit.” he says casually.  
A mother looks up at Erik with a disapproving look as she is escorted by. “Good Afternoon, sister.” he says, Puerto Rican Day parade waving.  
You pull his hand down embarrassed. “Ok ok! Do you remember where the room is?”  
He looks off in one direction, “Uhhh, yeah, yeah I do.”  
You pull his arm and push him away in the right direction. “Go down and meet me there. I’ll be there in a few.”  
“Ok, bet.” He says as he ambles off.  
You give yourself a mental pep talk as you robotically greet members. You hadn’t really prepared a lesson so you guess you all will just talk a little.  
Making your way down to the room, you open the door and see him sitting on the far side of the room head hanging low. He’s taking up half the space on a short, old pew in a corner. His head pops up soon as you walk in.  
“Hey, how you doin?” he says wiping his hands on his thighs.  
“Good, good.” you say cooly, making your way over to the seat.  
“Yeah? You look pretty today.” he says looking down your legs, rubbing his beard.  
You subconsciously pull down your skirt and cross your leg away from him. “Thanks. You’re not too bad yourself. Too bad you didn’t get to show it off in church today.”  
Today he had on slacks with another muscly long sleeve. He leans back arm across the back of the pew. “Yeah, I had something come up but thank you though!” he says cheesing.  
You pull out a copy of the Bible and a notebook. “So what did you wanna go over today?”  
He sighs deeply, This week was just a rough one, you know? I got a lotta anger pent up in me from a lotta past shit.”  
You turn a little his way, “Yeah! And when you feel comfortable, you can go a little further into detail, but something as little as waiting too long for a food order, to someone close to you getting hurt, it’s real easy to curse the world and even God for that.”  
“For real though. People get on my damn nerves. Like, the littlest things can set me off sometimes, and like that one lady, Sister...”  
You roll your eyes deeply, “Helen, ugh!”  
He chuckles, “Yeah, she kept hounding me about what I’ve done, who I am, and I just can’t rock with that. I swear if you hadn’t stepped in, I woulda been out the door. Done!”  
You cock your head to one side, heart aflutter, “Awww, I’m sorry to you for her. The only reason she still on the Welcome Committee is cuz she’s just old and ain’t looking for a new church. She know people don’t like her, and she feeds off that.”  
He scoffs at that, “Me and her may have something in common then. But besides that, when I’m here, I did feel at peace, so that’s why I’m coming back, and trusting you with this mentorship.”  
You nod looking down at your hands, “The world has a lot of trials set in it for us to go navigate but like you said, God can be a refuge for people, to gain peace.” you say, looking back to him. Erik looks at you like you’re reincarnated as you speak, attentive and in awe.  
You smile to yourself as you look away to pick your phone up.  
“What’s that about smile, girl?” Erik furrows his brow smirking.  
“Nothing, it’s just like...refreshing to see a guy expressing himself spiritually, emotionally. Like, I just don’t want to be weird about it.” you say as your face heats up with your confession. Erik looked like a rough nigga but he talks polite, and really takes in the information you give him about the Word. Plus a man that listens to your every word is kind of your weakness.  
Erik laughs, tries covering it with a cough. “Um well, when you got a good teacher saying just what you need to hear, it’s easy for my attention to be grabbed.”  
You nod awkwardly clutching your phone to release some tension, “Thank you. So if you need some scriptures about that I’d recommend Psalms most definitely, that has a gang of verse about the The Lord and His house being a location for peace and understanding and praising Him, you know? Remembering your blessings can help keep that anger in check too.”  
“Cool, ok. I was wondering too if you knew any about curbing our desires? Resisting temptation? I been feeling a bit weary lately about old behaviors with some old acquaintances so I need something to pull me through that.”  
You pull up your phone and look up your Bible app. “Well, Psalm 23 has a verse asking God to lead us not into temptation but delivering us from evil. You could read the whole thing to get a little encouragement.”  
“Mhm, ok. What else?” he asks quizzically.  
You look deeper into your favorited verses and notes, “Uhhh 1 Corinthians has something….ah! Chapter 10 verse 13, ‘No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.’”  
Erik leans toward you looking at your phone. “Ok, I like that one.”  
You catch a whiff of his soap, cologne, whatever the hell it was but it smelled nice. Instinctively you pull your knees together tighter. “Yeah so basically God will put on you only what you can bear. So when faced with a test, try not to worry about ‘why you’ and stuff cuz God knows you and your strength, we just have to have faith.”  
“Can I see that for a second?” Erik asks holding his hand out.  
You nod, handing the phone over to him  
“I was looking over some passages too this week. Had you heard of anything from Song of Solomon?”  
You think for a moment. “I know of the book, but I can’t quote anything from it. It’s not touched on very often.”  
“That’s too bad. It really hits a lot of good content.” He leans over to show you on your phone, shoulder to shoulder with you. He’s getting so comfortable around you, but it’s lowkey driving you insane.  
“The whole thing is like, the only book that talks about the the voices of two lovers, praising each other, yearning for each other. It’s a romance novel, right in the middle of the Bible.”  
“Right.” You say quietly, looking at him as he scrolls the chapter.  
“Like here, I guess main dude describes his lover: ‘Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee. Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue.’ Like, my guy fell hard for this chick.” He says looking back at you. You both exchange a glance that lasts way too long for you being just inches away from each others faces.  
You turn your face to scratch your neck in frustration. This was not the time or place for Song of Solomon or whatever you may be feeling right here. Keep him on track.  
“Yes, well the Bible is not as much of a strict, listing of God’s bylaws as people think. It’s got great stories in it, drama, action, and as you found, passion and love.”  
His eyes slide down you, then back to the phone. It was so quick you figure he was looking past you, just an awkward transition, but everytime you think it’s more makes you a little excited.  
“I want you to read something to me. I like to hear you talk.”  
You laugh, “Really? Sometimes I think I talk too much.”  
“Nah, you really dope with this Bible stuff. Here, read that for me.”  
You take the phone, still on Song of Solomon, chapter 2. “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.”  
Erik recites with you, “My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.”  
You look at him suspiciously, “You know more of the Bible than I thought. You memorized this?”  
He shrugs, looking at your lap, “It just kinda stuck one day. The words are so beautiful how it's described.” He closes his eyes, “‘My dove, my undefiled is but one. Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with banners?’”  
His eyes open, meeting yours as a gravitational pull causes you to lean towards him slightly. Erik looks at you mouth, licking his lips involuntarily, bringing his arm back behind the pew around you. Your mouths meet in a prolonged embrace. Still against each other, you were afraid to move your lips for what might happen next.  
You pull away, hands over your face in shame, “Uhh, I’m sorry. This isn’t what we’re supposed to be doing. I didn’t mean to do that, it’s just…”  
“‘Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely.’ Baby, you have so much going for you.” You both laugh “It ain’t your fault. The book was my idea, it’s just hard for me to read that and not visualize it right in front of me. But maybe we should stop if you’re uncomfortable.”  
“I’m not, that’s what’s making this difficult! I just met you a week ago, and God.” Erik looks off into space rubbing his hands nervously, “We are in a church for God’s sake. We should wrap this up, honestly.” You put your Bible in your bag zipping it up.  
“Let me show you something.” You turn around and see Erik taking his shirt off.  
“No! Erik that’s not-” You pause as you see his torso standing in front of you. Speckled with keloids all over his chest, arms, and abdomen. He looks to the floor looking shy suddenly.  
You stand, mouth agape as you stare at his scars. There were easily hundreds on him.  
“Erik, what is this? What happened?”  
He shakes his head, “I didn’t want to bring it up since cuz the subject is pretty rough, but I figured since you didn’t run off when I told you last time I’ve killed, I decided to trust you with this.” He said looking at you. You could tell he was worried about your reaction. You really didn’t know what to do, but you took a step up to him and hover your hand over his chest. His chain hangs with a ring at the end of it. Looking up at him for approval, he bows his head with a slight nod, his eyes widening and glistening. You plant your fingertips over his chest, feeling the bumps, so symmetrical and orderly.  
“This was done on purpose. Were you tortured?” you ask as you survey his body.  
He shakes his head, “Nah, I chose to get these done.”  
You look into his eyes horrified, “Why?”  
“They represent the violence I faced and what I committed while I was in the military. I took a lot of lives, changed countless others cuz of my shit. But, as much as I wish now they were gone, it does remind me of what I need not do anymore in the future.”  
Your hand grazes his shoulder, bicep. You walk around and see even more on his back.  
“Erik, this is crazy.” You pause to consider his feelings. “I’ve just never seen this before. But thank you for telling me. I won’t let anyone know, that’s not my job to report to others about these meetings.”  
Erik looks over his shoulder turning to you and picking up his shirt. “Thanks (Y/N). I have a lot of things to work through which is why I want to keep these meetings goin. There’s something about you that I can’t shake, so I’m hoping that’s God guiding me to you, you know.”  
You smile, “I feel that way too a little. You’re my first mentor, and so far gunning for most memorable of all time. You’re sweet, Erik, despite all the scars. You’ve got a lot of beauty in you, just have to harness it. You wanna pray before we go?”  
“Yeah sure, come on.”  
You grab each others hands, electricity running from them to your core. You shift your weight in your feet anxiously as you try to concentrate. “Lord Heavenly Father. Thank you for your love, mercy and grace. We ask you to watch over us as we depart. Keep Erik safe on his journey to discovering you Lord. Open his heart and mind to your will and your way. Guide his steps in the right direction and soften his heart to be a blessing to others. In Christ Jesus name, Amen.” You open your eyes and start to break away, before Erik pulls you in for a hug. Taken aback, you calmly rub his back before settling in to his arms. The scars massage your palms as you comfort him. His hands grip your back gently but firmly. You’re filled with compassion for him. What all he has been through, you have yet to know but you;re glad he feels safe with you.  
“You’ll be ok Erik. ‘My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.’” You say in his ear, taking a page from his favorite Song of Solomon.  
Erik pulls away and stares at you as you remain in his arms.  
“So you do know a little Song of Solomon?” he says, smiling slightly.  
You good having put a smile on his face with that. “Yeah I guess I remembered something after all.”  
The kiss came easier this time, as he rubs your back, deepening the kiss. Your mouths open to welcome each other within, tongues waltzing together as you get caught up in his comfort. Erik plants his hands on your hips as he pushes you back to the pew, you sit underneath him and his trance.  
“Erik, I want to but-” You sputter as he works your neck with a greedy tongue.  
He pulls away for a moment. “‘A garden inclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed.’ Song of Solomon itself is based on two people in harmony, desiring each other physically, rejoicing in intimacy.”  
Your breathing quickened at his facts. One button he kept pushing was how easily he could quote the Word. You always wanted a man to be able to do that but it was hard to come by, and here it was 6’0 long, and no space keeping you from each other. You take his face in your hands, embracing that strong mouth of his once more. Erik pulls your legs up around his waist as he feels up your thigh, gripping your ass. He reaches for the neck of your dress, pulling it down with the cups of your bra.  
‘Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.’ Erik says before diving face first into them, enveloping one of your nipples in your mouth hungrily.  
The sensation makes you arch against him automatically. He played with your sensitivity with expert precision, looking up at you for reaction. You grip his hair hard, begging him to stay there as you choke back sighs of arousal.  
You gasp before saying, “That’s not really in the chapter, is it?” you ask, questioning his quote.  
His lips smack as he comes off of your nipple. “Serious as a heart attack. About the quote and about you. You want me to keep going?”  
Your mind is blank of any rational thinking at this point but you muster a concern.  
“Do you have a condom?”  
He nods reaching into his pocket.  
“Wait Wait! But someone could walk in! The door lock doesn’t work well on that.”  
Erik thinks a moment. “Then I’m going to have to be quick then.” He smiles at you, flashing them golds. You laugh nervously.  
“When does church let out?” he asks.  
“About 1:30.”  
He reaches for your phone. “It’s almost a hour and a half past that. Did you tell anyone you’d be down here?”  
You shake your head no.  
“Well that’s working in our favor. I’m down if you are, baby girl.”  
Scenarios flash in your mind about the worst that could happen. If no one has come down by now, then likely no one is. But you’re still at church! How could you forgive yourself for that.  
You began to fall into shame and embarrassment, "But I've been lazy with...my 'yard work' lately." You say out the side of your mouth. He sucks his teeth, "Man, tall grass ain't a brick wall. I can run through that mug just fine." Erik runs his tongue up your neck, licking it hungrily and dashing away all your insecurities. before hovering his face right over yours.  
“I’ll be quick, I promise you that.” His eyes looked out of this world when he was in heat. You peck his lips with a quick kiss, rubbing the back of his neck, giving him the signal. His hands reach your waist to pull down your panties, pushing your legs back to pull them up and off your ankles.  
“The book doesn’t say nothing about it, but you have the fattest pussy. I love it.” He says smiling devilishly.  
“The less you talk, the better.” You say trying disguise your smile as you reach to take off your heels.  
“Nah, leave them on. I gotta be quick, remember? And it’s sexy as hell any-damn-way.”  
You oblige, keeping your legs up for him as he unzips his pants. He takes out his member and you already feel it in your chest before he puts it in you. He unwraps the Magnum, slipping it his tip, rolling it down, stroking himself a little to adjust.  
He places your legs on his shoulders as he plays with you a little to make sure you’re ready.  
“Damn, you got a good poker face. You musta been wet soon as we got down here. Shit drippy as fuck.”  
You sigh under his hands as he rubs your clit to relax you. You lick his mouth teasingly.  
“Please, I’m ready for you baby, come on.” you whimper.  
Erik guides himself against your hole, pushing himself into you slowly. Upon penetration you gasp sharply. You saw the girth before but you didn’t expect to feel so full from the beginning.  
Erik sucks on your neck for good measure. “Let me know if its too much. Imma go slow until you ready.”  
His hips push himself in further, breaking your walls in inch by inch. The sharpness slowly subsides as you breathe deeply, rubbing his chest to give him the ok to pick things up. Erik reels back a little, pushing in slowly until he gets a good rhythm.  
“Oh God, Jesus, Erik!”  
“In that order huh?” Erik teases as he picks up the pace.  
You are breathless as he stimulates you over and over again. Your chest threatens to cave in from the passion.  
“Erik, please, oh God!” You put your hand to his chest as your legs tense up against him, overwhelmed with the power of his stroke.  
“Come on, baby. Hold on a little while longer.” He sits up so your knees aren’t in your chest, allowing you to breath only a little easier.  
“Ohhh, fuck, Erik, please. You’re making a mess of me right now.”  
Erik covers your mouth shushing you. “Watch your language (Y/N). This ain’t the place for that.”  
You almost laughed at him for that, swiping his hand off. You guys weren’t doing anything that place was built for. If it wasn’t for the aftershocks in your walls from the orgasms, you would call him out but his skills left you speechless for the most part.  
Erik parts your legs, putting them back around his waist as he throttles you, “Shit! You should see how good you’re creamin on this dick baby.” He whispers in your face, his speech becoming more labored as he groans.  
"‘Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.’" You say as you suck his bottom lip. His hips grind against you just right as another wave hits you like a full moon. The pew hammers the wall behind it with each thrust.  
“Ahhhh shit! You tightening up huh? This dick that good to you baby?”  
“It is! Cumming all over you baby, ooh.” you say, grabbing him up with all your might as your thoughts are consumed with lust.  
Erik pumps into you, making your tunnel his own personal expressway as your legs lock him into submission. He groans out loud as he makes his last strokes, gripping your neck to hold you down as he releases himself.  
You both share a chorus of exhales as you come down from the performance. Erik kisses you lightly as he pulls out of you slowly, causing reverberations in your body. You fell very unhallowed as you slowly sit up, not sure if your legs had feeling back in them yet. You felt high as your world moved in slow motion while you put your underwear back on. Erik tosses the condom in a nearby trash can, cleaning himself with some tissues before tossing them too. Sipping up he walks back over picking up his shirt and putting it on.  
“Let me walk you out?”  
All you can do is nod. He picks up your bag as you get up taking your arm as you hobble out the room, even though touching him is truly the last thing you’d want by now. His and your car are the only ones left in the parking lot as you make your way.  
“Let’s not talk about what just happened for now, ok? I need time to process.” You say not wanting to look him in the face.  
Erik nods, opening your car door for you. “Yeah, I get it.” You get in the car starting up the engine.  
Leaning into your window he says, “I didn’t come here, planning to do that, you know?”  
You nod.  
“I just kinda got caught up. We can talk about it later like you said, but I do care about you and hope we can-”  
“Erik, you’re still talking about it like I asked you not to, please just.” You lean your head on the wheel letting out a sharp exhale.  
Erik is quiet for a moment before asking, “But I’ll see you next Sunday?”  
You nod, not looking at him. You didn’t want to. He would see you upset and feel compelled to comfort you or explain away what y’all did for the better and you weren’t open for that yet. No one who does what you all did just now is really trying to seek out God in anything. He got what he wanted. That’s that on that.  
You pull off, still coming down from the endorphins Erik shot through you, but your worry negated that. What kind of life has Erik been into? He showed his scars and next thing you spread for him? You can’t mentor him anymore, no way. You’ll make a change request with Sister Gladys. Another wave of shame hit you as you realize: that old bat Sister Helen was fucking right.


	3. Chapter 3

Wednesday night service was optional in your opinion, and most of the time you opt out. But you felt particularly like you needed some time with the Lord without Erik being there, or at least you hoped he wouldn’t be there. He doesn’t seem like the type to go to church outside of Sunday.   
“Good evening, Sister (Y/N)! Good to see you tonight! How are you?” Sister Gladys says, looking at you like you were Mary, Mother of God, though you felt more like Magdalene.  
You both share a hug, “I’m good! Yeah, I needed an extra blessing today so here I am.”  
“Wonderful! Well come on back, we’re just getting started!”  
Classes are separated by sex, so men are in one room, women in the other. Kind of archaic but it does make you feel comfortable to cluck with those old hens, hearing their stories unfiltered. Most of the class is talking between each other about their week, what’s been troublesome and triumphant. One woman spoke on her teenager being a smart alek, giving her the blues. But counts the blessings her child provides by keeping their grades together and being ambitious and overall loving. Others spoke on people who were begging on the street and why or why they didn’t give, jobs that are on their nerves but still thankful for the check.   
“And our Sister, which I am so glad is here to sit with us this evening, has taken on the task of teaching one of our newest members the ways of the Lord, to become a better man on this Earth as a soldier for Christ. (Y/N), how has that been going for you?” Sister Gladys says, beaming with pride as she looks to you expectantly.  
The group of women look at you intrigued, while inside you were screaming. You dare not ask God why, at the risk of being struck down right where you sat.  
“Yes, well, Brother Erik has a lot of turmoil from his past that affects his decision making in recent years, which we all can relate to, Amen?”  
The group murmurs in agreeance. “So, we talk through it all, and he requests verses that can be his mantra to remind him of the goodness of Christ and what we as Christians are called to do. We all have a purpose, and I think he is in search of that in some way.” you say.  
“And has he found a purpose with you?” Sister Helen asks.  
You hold your hands in your lap tightly, “What do you mean, Sister?”  
“Well, it ain’t hard to read girl, you smart. He seemed attached to you ever since he got to this church so, would you say his purpose is you...right now... for returning here?” Sister Helen asks stone faced.  
“I wouldn’t give myself that much credit.” You laugh nervously. “Brother Erik has a lot of initiative to get what he wants done.” You swallow hard. “And that right now is finding his true journey with Christ.”  
“Well, what more could you say about your meeting, because you both left the church well after service Sunday, so I imagine he had a lot of insight on the Bible.” Sister Helen peers at you as she spits in her tissue, wiping the brown remnants from her mouth.   
You body goes still, your mouth becoming drier than 40 days in the desert. You forgot she takes the bus and sits in the lobby window until it arrives. She had a front row seat to your walk of shame.  
“I -uh - we do not talk about the details in which the meetings cover. If he feels the need to share it, he certainly can at his leisure with you, Sister.”  
Sister Gladys tries to bring y’all runaway conversation back on track, “Thanks, Sister (Y/N), we understand. But it’s good to hear-”  
“Gladys, why don’t you call that boy in here?” Sister Helen commands.  
Your heart feels punched at her request. He came to Wednesday night??  
“Sister Helen, I am the teacher here, we movin’ on!” Sister Gladys shows some attitude that is below her tax bracket for a second.  
“Maybe some of the class would like to meet him! For those who couldn’t make it to the Sunday service. He over at the men side. Get up and go girl!” She says dismissing you.  
Sister Gladys looks at you with apologetic eyes and nods. You roll your eyes and make your way to the door.  
“Tell that heffa, she roll her eyes again-” Sister Helen fake whispers, but you’re out the door before you hear the rest of the threat. Wish a bitch would.   
You walk down the hall, feeling like a dead man. You request strength from the Creator as you make your way and look in the small window of the door to the men’s class. One of the deacons is telling a story very animatedly, which arouses a round of laughter from the one’s listening. Your eyes find him sitting there, cross armed, wide legged, with a sincere smile; showing them dimples that make you catch your breath. You fill your chest with fresh air before opening the door, to peek in.  
“Hey guys, excuse the interruption. Erik, can the sisters would like to see you for a moment.”  
Erik looks at you, no longer smiling, but expressionless. He gets up and walks to the door.  
“No sisters have ever requested to me! What the hell so special bout him!” one surly old member says.  
“Negro, don’t embarrass yourself as I count the ways. Nice to see you pop in, Sister (Y/N).” The teacher said.   
You smile and wave goodbye as you walk out, Erik follows behind you. You take two steps before turning to him.   
“What are you doing here, Erik?” you ask defensively.   
Erik sighs deeply, hands in his pockets. Looking off into space. “Exactly what everyone else is doing here.”  
“How did you even hear about services tonight?” you say in a shouted whisper.  
Erik looks down at you incredulous, “Every church got a Wednesday night service. This one is no different.”  
“Why would you come back here after-"  
“Oh you wanna talk about it now?” Erik interrupts, stepping to you.   
You shake your head, sucking your teeth, “No! I just don't understand-"  
“You were there, right? I wasn’t in that room alone right? You wanted to, right?”  
You’re speechless as he throws your hypocrisies in your face.  
“I ain’t got time for this, (Y/N). Do these old women wanna see me or did you need an excuse to NOT talk?”  
You cross your arms, rolling your eyes, “They do but it's Sister Helen being a pain.”  
“Then tell em I left early or somethin, she ain't with nuthin but the bullshit and that's not what I’m trying to hear.” He walks to the opposite direction towards the exit.  
You look after him as he shrinks in the distance. You felt guilty for what happened between the two of y'all; it shouldn't have happened, no matter how...good he was. You wanted to repent, but you have to stare your sin in the face and that was too much. But your questions of him being there was not becoming of you. He has every right to be here like everyone else, including you. Y’all both are in the same boat in God’s eyes.   
By the time he is out the door, so you do a light trot after him. Once you’re outside you see his car headlights light up as he pushes his remote to unlock his door.  
“Erik, Erik! Wait!”   
He turns and leans his back against his car, one hands crossed in front of himself waiting on you, looking jaded.  
“I don't want to drive you away. I’m just finding a hard time with what we did and how that reflects on me and my church and my life.”  
“Ok, so we won't fuck in the church no more!” he says loudly. You shush him looking around the parking lot. “What I can't get past is how you shut down, you wouldn't even look at me. You actin all hateful. I thought I hurt you or somethin.” he said shifting his feet anxiously.  
Your hardened heart folded at his admission, “No, no, you didn’t, trust me. If it makes you feel better, you were...decent, to keep it PG. And I was enthusiastically consenting.”  
Erik holds his hard expression, but you could see he was smizing.   
“But we moved way too fast. I got caught up, at a time when I should be professional and no more than a friend. But I still want you to be here. The guilt from the other wouldn't compare to the guilt in knowing I pushed someone out of God's house.”  
“Mhm, you and Sister Helen were sounding very alike there back there.” Erik says flashing them golds.  
You slap his arm playfully, “Don't ever say that again.” You say laughing.   
He look down at his arm and then back at you, “Ok girl, don't try and get something started now.”  
You shake your head, “No way, no how! But for real I think we can be good friends, so let's just pretend that didn't happen.”  
“Pretend huh?”  
“Right,. Clean slate, no fuss.”  
Erik looks off into the distance, jingling his keys in his hands, “Friends could work. Why not?” He holds his hand out to shake yours, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand as he stares you down. A familiar feeling comes over you as you stare back. His sad, wide eyes glistening, but not like he was on the brink of tears, just like he had a lot on his mind. His arm pulls your hand in slowly towards him. You're taking a step forward before you realize the change in your balance. The distance closes between you as you feel your pulse pound underneath you, looking into his face.   
“Friends.” Erik shakes your hand vigorously breaking your trance. “Aight man, I'll see you Saturday.” He says getting into his car.   
You stand there, wet and confused. Will he ever not be a temptation for you? And will he ever let that shit go?  
He pulls off and you go back inside the church; Sister Gladys is coming up to you.  
“Hey, I was starting to worry for you. Did you find Erik or…”  
“Yeah, but he was just leaving actually. Then I got a call from my Mom and you know she’s long winded so…” You ask for God’s forgiveness as you lie.  
“That’s quite all right. I did want to bring something up to you, come with me. The classes will be letting out soon so let’s go back in Meeting Room A to chat. Sister Helen might just throw her wig at you if she sees you now.”  
You let out an exasperated sigh as you all walk down to the room. “What now?”  
“Oh she thinks you just excused yourself, going on home instead of doing what you asked. Her daughter supposed to be keeping an eye on her meds, but someone’s slacking off I think.”  
You guys go in the door and you have flashbacks. Last time you were in here, your voice was raised in praise, but not for God.  
“Let’s have a quick seat.” Sister heads over to the very same pew on the far side of the room.  
“Sister, let’s sit here. I’m kind of tired and the table would be nice to lean on.” you say sitting at the table in the middle of the room, where you and Erik first sat and prayed.  
“Oh girl, you are too young for that. But fine.” she comes back to sit with you. “Now, I wanted to pick your brain without interruption, but is everything ok between you and Erik? You seemed uncomfortable talking about it.”  
You thought about Sister Gladys’ good intentions, but you wanted to stop beating this dead horse. “Well, it is my first mentorship yeah? I’m just new to this and all I have to do, so Sister Helen put me on the spot and kind of shook me.”  
“Ok, that’s fine. I’m thinking about putting her in a different role in the church, so that this tension stops.”   
“Oh you don’t have to on account of me.” You say quicker than you meant.  
“No, you’re not the only one she has caught in her trap. It’s not productive but I’ll be as covert as possible with my methods.”  
You nod in gratitude.  
“Also, are you busy Saturday? There is a basketball game and we need some people handling the equipment and refreshments. You can just pitch in where it's needed.”  
“Yeah, that’s no problem.”  
“Ok, luckily Erik decided to join up so-”  
The door opens and its one of the members. “Don’t mind me! Just making my trash rounds.”   
“No problem sister! Thanks again for volunteering this week. Looks like something’s in that one.” Gladys points to a trash can near the pew on the other side of the room. Your pulse picks up.  
“Not much in there, just some tissues. I might just fish it out, save a bag.” The woman puts on her gloves to reach in.  
“Wait!” They both look at you. “Uh, you might as well change out the bag. Things got….emotional with my meeting with Erik and I don't want you to come down with something from, you know, snot and all.” You say nervously. Would the sister even recognize a condom at her age? You didn’t want to find out.  
“Oh well, that’s what the gloves are for dear.” She goes to grab. “Hmm, well they are sticking to the bag a little….”  
“Right, the snot and boogers, don’t want a dirty bag sticking around like that.” You say through gritted teeth.  
“Sister (Y/N) is probably right. Those bags are a dime a dozen, just toss it and replace it. Thank you.”  
The sister knots the bag up and tosses it in a bigger trash bag before saying her goodbyes and walking out.  
“So, like I was saying, Erik decided to do basketball with us.”  
“Oh, he will be playing?” You ask just for conversation’s sake.  
“Yea, so be ready to be cheerleader too. He will easily be the best player, height alone, so ought to be a good game. So you will make it?”  
As you dedicate your time, you think about how funny God can be. He may not be striking you down with lightning but you will not get off scot-free. You just can’t get away from him, no matter how you try.  
Saturday came like a flash. Sister Gladys told you to be on the refreshments for the audience and players. Getting ready to go, you had a cloud hanging over your head the entire time. Doing volunteer work for the church was not always a big issue for you. Sure, you didn’t jump at the chance every time, but your heart didn’t go into palpitations at the thought until now. In the mirror, you smooth your top puff up looking at yourself. You heave a heavy sigh and look up to your ceiling frustrated.  
“Lord, I ask for a man of God and you give me a wolf in sheeps clothes.” Shaking your head, you grab your shea butter from the top shelf above your dresser and lose grip as it falls, landing dangerously close to your toe.  
“God, I was just playin! I know I didn’t have to do what I did. My bad.” You pick up the container. “We are all God’s children too, so I guess I’ll pull my own head outta my ass. But could you take these feelings from me? I can’t do your work with high blood pressure.” Your rub the butter down your legs, elbows, hands and feet: glistening like a true melanated queen. You grab your keys and take one last look. Church team shirt on, shorts, socks in matching team colors: you good.  
Pulling up to the church, you see one of your church friends standing outside on her phone. She sees you, waves wildly.   
“Good afternoon, Sistah girl!” she says.  
“Hey, Marie.” You call back. Marie had family in the church for a while, the Taylors. Their one of those families that Pastor has a soft spot for, always calls on someone from them to pray for, to interact with in the sermon, etc. Your mother couldn’t stand them, but you try to give them a chance.   
“Ooh, look at you. This ain’t the NBA finals. Whatchu dressed like that for?” she asked, already starting on the wrong foot.  
You look at yourself, “What? This is what I always wear.”  
Marie sucks her teeth, “Uh-huh. Coochie cutters and thigh highs. Perfect for hookin’.”   
You push her playfully. “Ok, stay mad. When the ladies season start, just keep your focus on assisting my shots, yeah?” You say as y’all walk into the gymnasium.  
“Ok, sis. I ain’t ne’er nobody’s sidekick, feel me? Get in here, we almost got everything set up without your late ass.”   
“Ahem.” Sister Gladys is at the front sitting at table taking tickets for a raffle. “Nice of you all to join us. Get some drinks flowing and hot dogs rolling as they warm up in there.”  
You guys walk in as the thunder of dribbling fills your ears. You try to remain cool as you make your way to the refreshments set up, scanning the players without being obvious. You make your pick up a bag of buns from under the table before you notice him. But Marie did.  
“Jesus be a fence! The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” Marie exclaims before bending down over you. “Who the fuck is that??”  
You peer over the table squatted next to Marie looking. His locs were bound into a top pony, wearing an Under Armour muscle long sleeve and is b-ball shorts and some old lookin’ Jays, crossing up on somebody.  
“And dat aaaassss, sis! Do you see what I see, how are you not freaking?? He on our team?!”  
“He was at church a couple Sundays ago. He a new member.” you say blandly.  
“Well shiet, the Lord knew me and made sure I had a reason to miss church, I guess.”  
“Like you needed one?” you say side-eyeing her.  
“Ok girl. But did you get anything on him? I know the sisters talk.”  
No way in hell you’d let her in on how much y’all got to know each other so far. “No, not really. I;m supposed to be doing his mentoring so, there’s that.”  
Marie grabs your arm, “If you don’t tell me everything about him, I will lay you out for sacrifice. One-on-one alone time? Come on, you gotta be sniffing after that.”  
You lie like the devil himself, “I really don’t though. I barely wanted to babysit his ass but since I never did one before, they practically begged me.”  
“So what the fuck is wrong with him? He clearly foine, got body, I just wish he would wear something showing off them arms a little more. But that hang time will do...”  
You pinch her arm, “Why you so nasty, this is a church function! Plus, he don’t wanna show-” you stop yourself. If you tell her about his scars, that would require an explanation that ain’t her damn business for you to tell. “Uh, he has issues with his body. That’s why he works out so much.” you say trying to save face, fake concentrating on the bread options under the table.  
Marie looks at you hella confused.  
“Aye, y’all got somethin for my thirst or y’all just gonna chitchat?”   
Y’all look up and see Erik gleaming with a light coating of perspiration, hands on his trim hips. Standing up Marie introduces herself.  
“Hey! I’m Marie Taylor. You must be Erik. (Y/N) has told me soooo much about you. Couldn’t get her to shut up!” Marie spouts as she shakes his hand.  
You pinch her leg under the table. “Ow!” she shouts.  
“Oh, there’s that sugar.” you say standing up, finally acknowledgin his presence. “How are you doing, Brother Erik?”  
Erik looks at you with a half smile, “Aight. You look pretty today.”  
Your lips quivered as that phrase triggered you. Which lips? Well…  
“Thank you. Don’t need much to put together for working the sidelines.” you say, downplaying him.  
“Hell, that’s a even bigger compliment to you then. Don’t take much to notice.” Erik says wiping some sweat from around his mouth with his shirt collar, eyes steady with yours.  
Marie doesn’t accept third wheel status, “I told her she was doin a lil much, but she cute. I like your shoes though. I’m surprised you playing in them retros.”  
Erik checks himself, “Yeah, they so old, I don’t mind. They hold sentimental value, my Dad’s.”  
Marie gushes, “That is so cute! Father and son sharing shoes, it’s dope. Good father’s are hard to come by where we from. You oughta invite him to church one day!”  
You notice a shift in Erik’s face. Was that anger? Sadness? It wasn’t pleasant.  
“Nah, he ain’t really following this.” Erik says, clearly uncomfortable. He looks at you and then away quickly.  
You been preparing the sports drink mix while they spoke and handed a cup to him. He nodded at you thankfully.  
Marie continues without reserve, “Well let me know if you need help with things too. (Y/N) isn’t too keen on the formalities of welcoming new members but I got it down to a science. Here…” You sip on a cup of lemonade as Marie reaches into her bra and pulls her phone out.  
“Put your number up in here, and I’ll just call you and then we can get some things arranged.” You practically choke on your drink at her brashness. “Marie! Didn’t nobody tell you to take over my job!”  
She pats your back looking at you pitifully, “See? She sees it like a job. I’m just a natural at it!” Erik is clearly entertained by the back and forth, scratching his beard as he hands the phone back to Marie. “Ok girl, I see you. I like your attitude. I’ll see you sometime then, Ms. Marie. Later (Y/N).” He steps away with a smooth twirl dribbling back to the court as the ref blows the whistle to huddle up the teams.   
You seethe as Marie happily typ away at her phone before replacing it back to her brassiere.  
“Marie, what possessed you to throw me under the bus in front of Erik?”  
Marie looked shocked, “What?? I was just saying what you said. I didn’t say it nearly as harshly, even.”  
“I can’t have him thinking he is a burden to me or anyone. He needs a good church family, without drama.”  
“Which is why I offered my services! I am great with the newcomers. One lost sheep brought home is worth 99 saved and sanctified ones.” She winks and puts on her tray to pass out the popcorn in the stands.   
The nerve of her to not be able to take anything said in confidence to the grave. Even though you were lying, she still passed it along as fact soon as she felt the attention was not on her. Her and her whack ass family could choke.  
The game was in full swing, and the clear star was Erik. He had all the guys ankles weak as he moved around them, sinking shots. He looked like he as completely in his element, nothing but excited energy emanating from him as you watched. You felt joy for him as he looked like he was having the time of his life with the team. Both teams had a mix of generations on their squad, but Erik didn’t discriminate on who take his balls to the face. There was one young guy on opposing team that stayed on Erik’s ass the whole time. You couldn’t catch what he was saying to Erik but, there was plenty of smack going between them from what you could tell.  
Two minutes remaining in the game, Erik has the ball. He takes his time, keeping the ball moving as the clock rolls. The guy opposite of him is locked on Erik, moving when he moves. Erik goes to his right charge past him, and the guy keeps up with him. Something happens so quick that you miss it, but Erik and the guy end up on the floor, causing Erik to lose the ball. Ref blows the whistle calling foul on Erik.  
Erik gets up enraged, “Man, whatchu mean?! His whack tripped me up, whatchu calling me out for??”  
“Come on brother, it’s all a game. You new here, just gotta learn you way.” The opposing player said, clapping Erik’s shoulder.   
Erik reeled back, getting hostile. “Aye, don’t touch me dawg if you wanna stay off the floor, you feel me? I know the game, just back the hell up off me.”  
The player looks around the gym, “Where’d y’all get this fool? Y’all puttin up with all this ganbangin attitude for an average player at best. They got a community service requirement when you join your church, or sumthin?” He asks stepping up to Erik.  
“SERVE THEM HANDS ERIK!” you look back to see Marie covering her face to look inconspicuous. This heffa a damn instigator.  
The ref has both of them held back as they spew insults and expletives. You get up and walk out to the middle of the floor. Before you can get to him he has thrown the ref’s grip off of him and started walking towards the exit.  
“Yeah, go on pray about it! If this church has even taught you that yet.” the player walks on over to the sideline of his team, satisfied with himself.  
You keep going as he burst out the door, tailing him.   
“Erik, chill out! Stop!”   
He stops to pace, raising his arms above his head, begging for something to release his anger on.  
“Erik?” you say quietly.  
“Nah, go back in there, I don’t need this.” Erik says turning from you.  
“Anger is an all consuming spirit. You can’t-”  
“And what’s wrong with that, huh?!” He steps to you, eyes bucking. “If I’m angry, guess what? I just fucking am! Who the fuck think issa good idea to keep things bottled up?”  
You try to calm him, “No, don’t bottle it up. You can feel the way you want, it’s natural, real. That dude is a damn jackass.”   
Erik paces again, “Telling me what he think I don’t know. Saying I don’t need to be here, my own damn church! I been here!” Erik yells at the brick wall. “Talking smack on my kicks! And he call himself Christian??”  
“He’s wrong. You know that, don’t beat yourself over the head about it. And he probably jealous, you were killing it.”  
Erik takes a much needed breath, putting his shirt up to his face and leans his back against the brick wall. “You don’t understand, this church...it’s been a long time for me to come back here.”  
You stand in front of him, “And God stayed with you until you were ready to find a home. People will always tell you how to live your life, but only you can make those steps for yourself, that are true to you.”  
Erik looked off in the distance, “You still don’t understand though.”  
“Help me understand then! I want to!” you say looking him in his eyes.  
Taking his locs down, he remains silent for a moment. “Ain’t you supposed to help me?”  
You take hold of his arm, “It goes both ways Erik. What’s triggering you right now? Walk me through it.”  
The exit door opens and out pops Marie’s head. “Hey guys, the game is over. The team is going out for dinner, y’all wanting to go?”  
“Did we win?” Erik asked.   
Marie screws her face up shaking her head, “It was so close, but it was a slaughtering after you left.”  
“Ok, we’ll be there in a minute,” you say.  
“Nah, actually I gotta go. This shit’s hammering me hard. I gotta go chill.” Erik says. “Marie, always a pleasure.”   
Erik starts to walk off, “I’ll see you for one of our meetings right? We’ll have to discuss this you know.”  
Erik turns around walking backwards, “I know, buddy, see you there.” he says somewhat insincerely.  
“And you got my message, right?” Marie hollers.  
“Sure did. We’ll keep in touch Ms. Marie.” Erik points before walking on to his car.  
Marie squeals coming up to squeeze you from behind, “‘We’ll keep in touch!’ You hear that?! I got him right where I want him! When’s y’all meeting?”  
“I don’t know, depends on his schedule.” you didn’t want MArie intruding on y’alls one-on-one by spilling the details.  
“Well, don;t be surprised if he ain’t available. Ugh, and you see how tough he was today? Mmm! My kind of man: all brawn, raw emotions. He ain’t nobody to fuck with.” Marie trots back into the gym.  
You think about what Erik meant about how the player upset him today. On the surface, it didn’t seem too deep but he kept saying you don’t understand, you don’t understand...  
Back in the gym, you get down to one of the honors bestowed on you for volunteering in an event: the clean up. Marie was on sweeping the floor, which is great for her: mindlessly walking around, on her phone, no specific skills involved. You dipped and dappled wherever help was needed: putting away the unused cups and cutlery, packing away the drink machines, and some tables. You roll the popcorn machine to the back closet. Stopping inside for a breather you get a look around the room, crowded and dusty. You see some old relics from years past like old backboards and nets, deflated balls, trophy’s that were either earned or bought to be passed out and never got their shine. You decide to get real nosy in a locker off to the side that was slightly ajar. You peek, not expecting much, but the books inside catch your eye. Your church has been around a long time, and this closet was filled with album and old church anniversary souvenir booklets.   
You pick a couple up looking them over, settling on one to flip through. You go to the photos in the back, grainy in black and white, faces you haven’t seen in years, passed away or moved on. You see your old basketball photo with your team when you were babies, around 5 or 6 maybe. Your name hovers over your smile gapped and so wide your eyes are closed. Those spider head braids your mom had so much imagination to construct on your head left Susie Carmichael shook. The boys team was next to it; so many big head little kids, you couldn’t help but chuckle. Almost all these dudes out of church now, just the way it seems to go, to be raised up in the church by authority, you can’t wait to get out when you’re grown. Looking over the team members, one name catches you breath in your lungs: Erik. You look at the scrawny little boy smiling a small, sneaky smile. You look up, thinking for a second: he said he came BACK here, he used to be a member. Why didn’t he tell you?


	4. Chapter 4

Later that day after finishing the breakdown of the basketball event, you find Sister Gladys at the welcome table.

“Hey, baby.  Is everything finished up in there?”  She asks.

“Yeah, I think Marie is still finishing up the sweep but it’s all good from there.”

“That girl is the slowest worker I have ever met.  If she kept her eyes off that phone for two seconds and pulled her shorts outta her ass, she may be able to move quicker.  Ooh, Jesus, forgiveness Lord.” Sister Gladys looks to the ceiling mouthing an apology.

You chuckle at her indiscretion, “I ain’t heard a lie from you yet.  Hey, I saw some old trophies and photo books from way back when in that closet.  Did you know about them?”

Sister Gladys looks in the general direction of the gymnasium, “Yeah, I did, I just forget about them like everyone else.  Is that one you have there?”

You have the book you flipped through earlier at your side, revealing it to Sister Gladys.

Sister Gladys holds her hand out smiling, “Ooh, wee!  I shouldn’t even look at this. I’ll get depressed just looking at my past self and how much has changed since then.”  

Flipping through the pages, Sister Gladys points out several members, current and former.  The 90s were wild.

“And there’s you, baby!  Look at you with your pigtails and scrawny legs.”  Sister Gladys says chuckling at your basketball team photo.

“Mhm, I’m far from that scrawny now.”  You say in a monotone.

“Oh girl, happens to all of us eventually.  Sister Helen always has something to say about some of our thicker members, but I know for a fact her 90 lbs-soaking-wet self wish she had even an extra ounce of curve.  Look at this one, she thought flared blazers with shoulder pads would do somethin’.” Sister Gladys point outs a rare smiling photo of Sister Helen working a table at a fundraiser.

“And she always gotta wear a full suit with a matching hat?”  you ask incredulously.

Sister Gladys dramatically nods, “Ohh yes.  If it’s church related, you gotta look your best.  No matter how casual the event is or how hot it is outside.”

Scanning the page, she looks over at the boys team.  “All those big headed, loud-mouth chirren. Those boys had way too much energy and didn’t put enough into the game.”  

You ask carefully, “Right?  Now Sister, do you recognize any of them?  Any still go here or left you can recall?”

She looks at the faces, “Yeah, some I’ve seen around the block like him; I think he slings drugs.  He went out of town; heard from his mom he up in Minnesota, got a white woman. A couple of them are just living their lives, not in church, working to care for their kids.  I think he went to college in New York...oh but this one. He used to give you the blues girl!”

Sister Gladys points pushing the book to you to get a better look.  She found Erik.

“Oh yeah?”  you ask as your heart rate picks up.

“Mhm, you remember? Classic ‘boy messes with you cuz he like you’ story.  At least that’s what I thought. He’d pull your hairbows out and you’d chase him, screaming.  You wouldn’t let him walk over you, getting your licks in but he wouldn’t give up either. His mama was real sweet from what I remember.  Strong personality, but sensible. Loved him deeply.”

Your mind churns processing this information.  You weren’t sure if your mind was making memories or if you were actually remembering this kid, but it felt real.  

“Sister Gladys, did his dad come here too at all?”  you ask, remembering Erik’s story about his shoes.

“Yeah, I saw him from time to time.  Not as often as the mother, but I remember he was real afrocentric.  Down for the cause, looked like Kwanzaa personified.” Sister Gladys shakes her head recalling it.  “Him and her were like Malcolm X and Angela Davis on 100.” Sister Gladys closes the book, not noticing the list of names on the roster next to the picture.

“Ah, ok cool.” you say taking the book back.  “Did you hear anything about them after they left?”

Sister Gladys thought for a moment, “No, I didn’t.  That’s how it usually goes, they just up and leave, no bye of whatever.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Sister Helen just gave them too much blues to stick around.”

You shake your head, “Oh God, please don’t tell me she was the same back then.”

Sister Gladys leans back pinching the bridge of her nose, “Some say she was even more cruel back then.  I’m still not sure if that is a joke or not, but for sure her consistency is unmatched. You gonna try and look him up on Facebook or something?”

You shrug, cooking up a response, “Maybe I will.  See what he is up to and whatnot.”

Sister Gladys gives you a tired smile, “That’s nice dear.  Let me know how it goes. Go ahead and run on home. Got church bright an early tomorrow.”

Making your way home you review the facts Sister Gladys gave to you.  So Erik was definitely a member prior to coming but left so long ago, nobody remembers him, which you were sure he was glad about.  He certainly isn’t the scrawny beanpole in the pictures of the souvenir book, so it could easily be mistaken. No doubt you would ask him about this later, because none of this explains the secretiveness.

The next day was Sunday Service and getting to church you were very anxious considering your approach to confront Erik about his past.  Taking your post at the front door, you welcome members coming in one by one, smiling and exchanging cordialities. You feel like a fiend checking the parking lot for his car pulling in, disappointing yourself every time.  

Music begins to swell within the sanctuary to signal the beginning of morning worship.  You and the worship team leave the front doors to make your way inside as you feel something disturbing your spirit.  Erik has missed Sunday before, coming later on in the day. Maybe this will be one of those days?

After the worship team does their selections and announcements are made, the pastor begins his sermon.  “How many of us have felt lost? At our wits end, no belief of relief in sight? I wanna tell y’all there is no shame in having these thoughts and feelings inside of us all.  A lot of people think being a Christian means everything works for your favor. Can’t nothin touch you since you are of the ‘chosen’ and if everyone would just follow Christ, all your problems can just vanish.  Any of y’all heard that before?”

Pastor raises his hand along with others in the congregation.

“Yeah, turn to your neighbor and say ‘that’s wishful thinking’.”  The congregation mutters his phrase to each other, some laughing. “No, even Christ himself was tempted, tested by the world, and the Devil himself.  God’s only Son even requested of His Father, before his arrest to be crucified, asked God that if it is His will, pass this cup from me! A lot of us forget Jesus was human!  That’s why we adorer him and set out to follow his example, He was of the flesh just like us. But He had faith unshakeable, and the Word as His weapon against all transgressions.”

Pastor pauses a moment leaning on his pulpit.  “Now some of y’all may be thinking, ‘Pastor, you just said, God isn’t the ex machina of life.  Following Him won’t guarantee a free, and problem-less life. Why even bother?’ You are right to question.  Of course, we know how Jesus earthly story ends, it was quite horrendous and He had all the faith one could muster.  But that is also part of what makes us children of God. We are in this world, and the world is far from perfect, tests will come at your from every corner.  But what you do during those tests determine your character. Think back to how you used to be. How you have changed. Most of us, despite life’s transgressions, can say you are better now than you were before.  And for those of us in the thick of it, take the story of Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego. Tossed in the fiery furnace without regard, yet they still did not bend for the King to worship false God’s, and they arose out of it unscathed.  You may me feeling weary, lost, alone. But our God is always behind us. Meditate on His Word, you can make it!” The pastor becomes filled with the Spirit as the congregation erupts in praise. You clap too, slowly becoming wrapped in the sermon.

As the congregation cooled down, pastor did altar call.  “Consider the parable of the shepherd and his sheep. The Shepherd has 100 sheep but one goes missing, leaving the 99.  Does he go on without that one? Odds still pretty good with 99, one might settle to go on with the majority. But no, the Shepherd sets off to search for that one, rejoicing when he is found.  Come, Jesus has nothing but forgiveness in His heart. No one is mad at you, He wants you to come home.”

A family came for altar call, causing a joyful raucous in the sanctuary.  You and the other welcome team members hug the family and process them as new members.  As church lets out, you hadn’t seen Erik, not even afterwards for a meeting. You never gave him your number so he couldn’t call you even if he wanted.  You decide to let this Sunday pass for now, figuring he was just too busy; happens to all of us.

\---

Erik does not show up for Wednesday night, or the basketball game for Saturday.  You work the refreshments table as usual with Marie as his absence weighed heavily on your mind.  Y’all talk about whatever TV was on this week, and she shows you shots from her Instagram.

“GIRL!  Friday was crazy man.  Look at my booty. You see it?  People couldn’t get enough of watching my ass that night!”

You nod trying to feign interest as you toggle from her to the game in front of you.  “Yeah girl, I bet.”

“Mhm, and guess what?  Your friend talked me up too, man!”  She looks at you, biting her lip excitedly to keep from jumping out of her own skin.

You slowly turn to her, still trying to maintain composure, but hoping she wasn’t speaking of who you thought it was.  “What friend, Marie?”

“That tall drink of water, Erik!  Honey, he turnt me out last night!”

Your heart dropped into your shoes, “Whatchu mean?”  you ask, trying to watch the octaves changing in your voice.

Marie adjusts her wig, popping her tongue in preparation of spilling the tea.  “So, boom, right?! I was coming down from turning up at the spot, right? And I was feeling a lil….you know!  SO! I pull my phone out and text Erik.” Marie pulls her phone from her bra demonstratively. “Now, I didn’t expect nothing, honest!  Nigga probably got his pick of the litter. Plus I’m a church girl or whatever so I thought he’d pass. But, he was like come through!”

Your eyes glaze over as you think about what she is saying and what most likely came next.  Marie goes on and on about her dick appointment preparations as you slowly feel yourself dying inside.

“...and he just grips me up and gets at me!  He ain’t much for talkin or slow -touchin’, which I ain’t mad at all!  He was gripping my hair up, telling me to shut up. Muthafucka didn’t even undress for real, just fucked me with his clothes on, and told me to get the fuck out afterwards.”  Marie sits back exhaling after reliving the ecstasy. “I think I’m gonna have to lock that down. At least for dick appointments, cuz he is like-” Marie holds her hands apart to simulate Erik’s length.

Your nausea is reaching a point of no return as your worst fear is realized.  Erik fucked your friend, and hasn’t been seen in days. You give Marie the expected good job remarks and wows in a robotic tone.  But in the end, you wouldn’t get mad at Marie for getting what she wanted; he was up for grabs. You were just disgusted that Erik would pipe her down on sight like that.  Was he using the church to earn some new pussy records? 

You steer Marie in a new  conversational direction and soon the basketball game ends without incident.  Once you finished cleaning, Sister Gladys catches you before walking out.

“Hey Sister (Y/N), can I talk to you a second before you go?”

You walk over to her, putting on a shiny new attitude to hide your internal breakdown.  “Yeah! What’s up?”

Sister Gladys looks at you with a furrowed brow, “You ok baby?  You didn’t look to keen on being here today.”

You shrug, growing tired of her niceties already, “Ah, just one of those days I guess.  Needed the distraction anyway.”

She nods slowly, “Ok.  Well had you seen that Erik character lately?  Heard from him?”

You exhale sharply feigning some deep thought to recall some imaginary scenarios, “Uh, I haven’t actually.  I don’t know if he is just another burnout or if he’s been busy, but…” your voice trails off as you look off, avoiding Sister Gladys’ eyes.

Sister Gladys says in a hushed tone, “Well have you called him?  To check in?”

You shake your head.

Sister Gladys clicks her tongue in frustration, “I’m glad you aren’t lying but you could at least try to reach out; it’s a duty of yours, you know?”

You nod.

Sister Gladys studies your face, “Do you like this boy, (Y/N)?”

A knot forms in your throat, causing you to choke when you try to reply.  Going into a coughing fit, you croak out an answer, “...That would…..not be….appropriate….Sister…”

Sister Gladys nods, “I understand right and wrong, I’m asking how he makes you feel.”

Gaining your composure you remain defiant.  “I don’t want any relationship with him, Sister.  It’s all business. If he wants to leave, he can. If he wants to stay, he has that right.  But I’m not going to hunt someone down who isn’t trying to seek God, or do good for themselves!”  You say uncontrollably.

Sister Gladys squints at you, “Do you know more than you are letting on?  Because if you do, only you can reach out and counsel him. We aren’t trying to convert anybody here.  He is a willing soul looking for guidance and if he appears to be straying, you must, at the very least, try to hear him out.  I will be praying for the both of you, but don’t let someone’s struggles become your own. You have to keep your wits about you to help them see the light at the end.  Otherwise it’s the blind leading the blind.” Sister Gladys pauses as you bounce on one foot wanting so badly to leave. “You talk to me or someone when you are ready too.  Thanks for coming.”

You nod and practically run out of the gym.  The knot in your throat returns as you start the car up and drive on home.  Erik is testing the limits of turning the other cheek with you. You tell yourself to stop being silly but your heart is being a straight up jester, foolishly pumping emotions throughout your body as a fog of depression settles around your brain.  You think back on what Marie said. He fucked her, but not in a way that you knew. He was mostly gentle, very complimentary and soft spoken, eloquent during your one-off. But Marie described a rough, animalistic lover. Should you feel proud that he fucked you nicely instead of harshly like with Marie?  He said he thought he hurt you after y’all session but didn’t give to much of a fuck about Marie. You brush the thought out of your head; he obviously has a problem, regardless of his methods. Is his vice being sex or finding comfort in people he is barely close to? He may not have your number, but he knew where to find you, why not come back to the church and see you, instead of diving in somebody?  Tomorrow was Sunday, only time can tell whether he will come to.

\---

Erik, once again, had not shown up for services.  Sister Gladys didn’t press you about Erik, but she asked about how you were feeling and you gave a positive report.  But you felt something within you coaxing you to do what she suggested yesterday. You had to contact Erik, just to check in, since it was your job or whatever.  Right as service let out, you text him:

**Hey this is (Y/N).  Hadn’t seen you in a while.  How have you been?** **  
** You put down your phone after hitting send, feeling little relief having open this Pandora’s box.  You turn up your radio to ease your anxiety, bopping as you pull up to your place. Putting it in park, you hear a ping from your phone.  

_ Why, you wanna come through? _

You shake your head, instantly disgusted.   **I just wanted to check if you were all right.  Come to church if you want to talk.**

You walk briskly to your door going inside.  Your blood was beginning to boil at his brash comment.  You started to lay into everything Marie told you happened, but you didn’t feel like getting messy.  For whatever you and Erik were, that didn’t seem called for.

Your phone pings again.   _ My bad if that sounded wrong, I didn’t mean that.  Do you mind coming by though? To talk? Don’t feel much like getting out the house right now. _

You mull it over in your mind for a second.  He wasn’t sounding crazy right now, and it has been almost two weeks since y’all seen each other.  And the curiosity of his backstory was a bit too tempting to dig into to ignore. 

**Today?** You ask.

_ Yeah, whenever is fine.  Just knock. _

You ask for his address and start to fix yourself something to eat.  Changing out of your church clothes, you put on some very casual jeans and a t-shirt, putting your hair in a headwrap.  You wanted to make sure you didn’t come off looking for a dick appointment or have to want for anything from him when you come up. Fully fed and feebly dressed, you make your way over to Erik’s place.

Pulling up to the spot, you make your way up the flights of steps to his floor.  You become winded naturally, and try to catch your breath by the stairs before walking over to his door.  Between your anxiousness with seeing him and the cardio workout you just got, you damn near pass out. Leaning against his door, you do two bamming knocks and wait on his arrival.  You forgot to move your hand from the door before it opens up, causing you to fall forward. You let out a quick yelp as Erik catches you, steadying you to a standing position. You put a hand to your forehead out of embarrassment and your life flashing in front of your eyes.  Pulling your hand away, you see Erik standing there in a tank top and b-ball shorts and slides; locs draping his eyes. 

“How you doin, Princess?”  he says smirking at you, eyes strolling your frame as his arm flexes, stretched out to hold his door open.

“Don’t call me that, I’m far from it.”  You say still fanning yourself. 

“Too hot out for you?”  he asks.

You roll your eyes taking a deep breath, “It makes no sense how you’re on the third floor but there is no air and no working elevator.”

Erik shakes his head, “Nah, there is one.  You just gotta come in from the other side.”

You bite your lip in frustration.  “Of course there’s a whole other side, my God.”

Awkward silence fills the hallway.

Erik twists a little, “Did you...wanna come in….”

You click your tongue at him, “You asked me to come over, didn’t you?

He shrugs, “That was hours ago,  I can’t recall.” He walks backwards from the doorway, waving his hand over the threshold for you to pass.”

You walk by him as he closes the door.  His place was well organized. The aesthetic of it all was only slightly pretentious with a darkside;  art lined the walls and he had a great view of the city from what you presumed was a bedroom in the back.

“You want something to drink, or….”  Erik asks walking into the living room.

You whirl around, “Oh?  No, thanks though.”

“Well go on sit down, it’s fine.”  Erik says plopping on his soft leather couch.  You take the furthest side you can; he sat almost in the middle, and it was a three seater.

You start the conversation off, “So what’s been going on with you.  You missed a game yesterday.”

“Yeah, I started to go but I just wasn’t feeling it no more.”

You think a moment, “Do you mean feeling the team or feeling church?”

Erik shrugs, biting his lip.  “I keep getting hit with animosity up there.  I ain’t tryna hear that on a regular basis, you know?”

“Last week, pastor talked about that, you know?  Thinking Christian life is supposed to be easy-”

Erik interrupts, “I been Christian for a long damn time, and trust, I know it ain’t easy.”

Silence fills the room a second.  “My bad, it’s just, the preachy shit ain’t always what I’m feeling lately.”

“When you came to the church the first time, you were tearing up during the service.  Why are you pulling away from the message now?”

A knock at the door disrupts the flow of conversation.  Erik looks at his phone and texts something before going to a drawer in his room.  One hand is fisted while he tucks a gun in his pocket.

“Yo, Erik, what’s-”

Erik puts a finger to his lips as he checks the peephole.  Unlocking the door with the chain still up he talks to the person on the other side in a hushed tone reaching through the crack before closing the door. He sets the gun on the coffee table before sitting down, counting some money.

“The fuck was that Erik??”  you ask in a frenzy, standing up.

“Aye, chill, it’s fine.  Sit down.” Erik says waving at you as he pockets the cash.

“Erik, be straight with me;  I’m over here to talk to you, to help you and you out here sleeping around and dealing drugs man?!”

Erik stands up now, “Whoa, sleeping around?  Did that girl open her mouth about me?”

You raise your hands incredulously, “Well shit, I was hoping you’d say she was lying, Erik.  Fuck! She is my friend, someone at the church, of a prominent family. Why did you sleep with her??”

Erik looks at the wall, shifting his weight.  “That’s somethin I wanted to talk about to. Wasn’t gonna be today but…”

“Erik, I can’t with this right now.  You sleep with me on one of our first meetings, sleep with her after a text, I just-”  You exhale to regain your train of thought. “I know something is up. But you can’t spring all this shit on me without explanation.”  You start to walk towards the door, but Erik grips your hand.

“Aye, come on.  Now listen, I can explain all this if you give me a chance.  Just chill, we can hash out everything.”

“Did you already know me when you joined the church?”

Erik looks at you in awe, mouth agape not knowing what to say.

You close your eyes to keep a tear from forming.  “I saw a picture of you in an old church anniversary photo book.  I recognized you, we used to play together. Did you already know that before you fucked me?”

Erik drops your hand, “You got all the answers.  Drug lord, manwhore, liar. What more is there to know?”  Erik goes back to the couch to pulling a blunt from his pocket, sparking it.

You groan in aggravation, “Erik, I don’t want to push you away.  I really don’t! But have you considered how any of this makes me feel!  I care about you, I don’t want to see you miserable. I can’t help you like this, it’s too much.  Find solace in God, I can’t with this.” 

You open the door and leave.  No sign of Erik behind you, you jog down the stairs, fighting back tears as you bust out the front door and jump in your car.  You are steaming mad and you wipe your face hard as you become frustrated with the tears running down your face. Gripping the wheel with every turn you vow not to let ERik run you over.  You were stronger than this. No way in hell he would get so close to you. Nothing you hated more than to let your emotions be the puppet of someone else’s hand, and he was your damn Gepetto.

\---

Next Sunday, you work your post as usual; welcoming members and smiling, saying blessings.  You didn’t allow yourself to look toward the parking lot. If he came, cool. If not, great.  That isn’t what church was about, who you see coming in. You were going to use this Sunday to find your peace and hear from Him on what to do.  

The music swelled from the sanctuary, taking your cue to to make it inside.  Sitting down you enjoy the service a lot. The songs were hopping, almost everybody was on key, and even those that weren’t sang with the Spirit that made it just as enjoyable.  The pastor was giving a sermon about forgiveness. Your favorite part was his explanation on turning the other cheek. 

“It does not mean, ‘smack me once, shame on me. Smack me twice for good measure’.  No, no, the saying means that you do not retaliate. Eye for an eye is no longer the law.  You let God fight your battles. He is your guide, He will make your enemies your footstool.”  As you clap with the congregation, a wide back stretching out a suit jacket catches your peripheral.  You freeze a moment, before finishing your applause as naturally as possible. Speak of the devil…

As service lets out you collect your things, preparing to leave.  Erik makes his way over to you.

“Wassup?”  he says, hands in his pockets as he stands next to you.

You avoid his gaze, looking at your phone to appear busy, “Oh, you made it?”

You hear Erik click his tongue before he covers your phone with his hand.  Snatching your phone away, you look at him, noticing his top button being opened showing just enough neck-to-chest ratio before looking in his face.  “Do you need something?”

Erik shrugs his shoulders, twisting his mouth up, “I need my meeting today.”

You chuckle, “Oh you remember that huh?  You didn’t text me, I didn’t know if you would even show.”

“Pssh, bullshit.  You too detail-oriented to forget that.”

You roll your eyes; he wasn’t lying.  “Ok, I guess. I ain’t got a lotta time though, so come on.”

You walk ahead of him, down the hallway and to the familiar meeting room.  You concentrate on your walking as he trails you. Sometimes your mind wondered if he was staring at your behind, but you shook that notion out of your head to stick to the business at hand.  Opening the door you take a seat at the table in the middle of the room. Erik slowly closes the door looking at you as you settled into your seat.

“You know, this used to be the nursery area?”  Erik says.

“Yeah, I know.”  you say sharply.

Erik pulls out his chair and sits, “They had the kitchen set up in that corner, the blocks and playmats there…” Erik’s smile drops when he looks at you sitting there unamused.  “I got some stuff I want you to know about, aight?”

You nod, not speaking.

“I know I haven’t been upfront about a lotta shit, but  I didn’t wanna bother you with this cuz I wasn’t ready and I thought you weren’t either but I see you stay read up.”  You make a face at this that make Erik chuckle. 

He says pointedly at you, “And I like that shit.  Know your subject so you can get to the core of their being and how they operate.  Only then can you really help someone.”

You nod, “Uh huh, and according to my findings, a dishonest man spreads strife!” You say with your hands splayed out, as if to say ‘welp!’

Erik tucks his lips before continuing, “ But the Bible also says that a servant should not be quarrelsome, but kind to others, able to teach, patiently enduring  evil, correcting his opponents with kindness.”

You purse your lips shaking your head.  “Everytime you fucking do that…”

Erik furrows his brow, “Do what?”

“Nevermind.”  You play with your fingernails.  You completely dug how he pulls scriptures outta his ass but right now was not the time to Kitty to go to Washington.  “You know how serial killer-like it is for you to come up here acting oblivious in a new church to turn out you not only know the Bible, been a member before, but knew me, fucked me and my friend and then go ghost like it’s whatever!”

Erik squints at you, “Was she really your friend though...she don’t seem to match your character…”

“That’s not the point!”  you say a little too loudly.  “She has been a member of the church all her life, her fucking bloodline runs through this building.  If you fuck around on her, word could get out.” You lean forward, massaging our temples. “And what’s with the drugs man?  You dealing, you smoking, I can’t-”

Erik leans forward on the table, “I don’t wanna hurt you, that’s why I go so hard on myself.   I drink, that’s why I asked ya girl to come through when she texted. The selling, I do as a side hustle.  When I got outta the military, I had a lotta shit fuckin with my mind and the green helped keep me sane. I met a lotta vets that had the same problem but no supplier, so I get in where I fit in.  Only specific clients, and I vet the shit outta people. But I smoke to get past my anxiety. There’s a lotta shit I ain’t over.”

“Does any of it have to do with your parents?” you ask.

He sighs deeply, “My pops taught me so fuckin much.  About life, myself, where we come from. And when my mom went to jail, he was all I had until…”  He places his hands on his bowed head. “...when he died, I couldn’t be what I used to be. I had to be a grunt, had to survive.”  He lifts his head looking at you, “Wasn’t nobody gonna hand me nuthin so I hustled. Turns out I’m pretty damn smart, so I got into some good schools with the help of some counselors.  Then military, now I’m here, trying to retrace my steps.”

Your eyes glisten a little as you listen to his story, unsure if they are because of what he went through or that you were frustrated at his candidness softening your heart.

“Ok, I hear you.  You can’t shut yourself out like this no more, ok?  I don’t want to lose you to the streets. I want you safe, ok?  I know you too good for that.” you say.

Erik sniffs wiping his nose, “Also, I don’t like your friend like that, you know?”

You shake your head, “I’m not ready to talk about-”

Erik takes your jaw in his hand gently, “Hear me out.  This was something I done, and I want it off my chest.”

You instinctively look at his chest but snap back to his face as he pulls his hand away. 

“Since that game a couple weeks ago, I ain’t felt good about myself.  I was low, I started liking the church again but he was just another loud mouth saying you have no right to be here and he has not right to talk to me like that.  Mix that with being a orphan and struggling to find my place, and no weed on me, I had to jet. But your girl called me at the just right time after polishing off a Henny bottle, I was revved up, she came through and it is what it is.  I didn’t even finish man…”

“Ok, ok.  I get it.”  you say.

“Nah, you don’t.  I didn’t do her like I did you.  She was a jump off, no disrespect, but I completely disrespected her.  But she liked it and she wasn’t the first to be like that. Gave me flashbacks of around the way girls I use to mess with that weren’t no good.”

“Mhm, like Kayla.” you say smirking.

Erik looked at you quizzically. 

“That little big-head girl that kept sniffing around you telling everyone you all were married and she would stab any other girl that talked to you with a plastic knife.”

“Ohhh, shit!  Yeah her! I hope she ain’t on these streets cuz I know she’d have warrants.”  You both giggle while reminiscing. 

You say, “It’s fine, you are grown to make your choices.   Just call me or pick up a book instead of a bottle and a booty call.”   you say, fake smiling. You felt better that Erik could confide in you, but his actions still needed some getting over.

Erik reads your face, taking your hand, “But you were always somewhere up in here.  I didn;t realize until I saw you the first time a few Sundays ago.” He points to his heart area.  “I mess with you cuz I know you real. You actually tryna help me out here, plus you grew up fine as shit?  You wouldn’t give me the time of day back then, I just couldn’t believe you were feelin me too.”

You nod, standing up to get ready to go.  

Erik stands up with you, expectantly.

“Were.” you say with attitude.

Erik looks at you slyly, “Can we turn that into a ‘are’?”

You look up thinking, “Is that what the opposite of ‘were’ is?”

Erik shrugs, “For that sentence it seems to be.”  He flashes them golds at you, and you lick your lips automatically.  He takes notice stepping in front of you, “We’ll take it slow. Promise.”

You push his head to one side jokingly, “I won’t promise a damn thing.  Come to church, lil Erik. No games, and it’s still a lot we gotta discuss.”  

Erik laughs at your playfulness, “Ok, miss thing, bet.  I got time to wait. Makes it that much sweeter in the end.”

Your core betrays you as a pulse builds between you.  Going fast threw your life for a loop enough. What would taking it slow do?

  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

A few weeks pass after you and Erik reconcile from the spat you all had concerning his lies via omission.  Erik was starting to prove himself to be a model church member; showing up to volunteer events, supporting his team in basketball, attending church whether you were able to make it or not.  You were seeing him for what you knew he could be. That guy that walked in and teared up at the presence of God and community of believers surrounding him with faith and hope. He really seemed to be turning over a new leaf.

You all decided to cut the meetings after church since he was standing on his own two feet properly.  Plus, you didn’t want another situation like when you all first met up again. Your heart was beginning to soften for him and you didn’t need that temptation or you’d surely have a reservation in Hell for desecrating God’s house more than once.

This Sunday while you take your spot up front greeting members, you feel a hand lightly touch your waist, causing a jolt in your body.

“Hey, (Y/N).”  Erik says in a low voice.

You touch your chest to calm your heart rate down but smile when you see him.  “Hey, Erik. What’s up with you?”

He puts his hands in his pockets, looking a little nervous.  “We don’t do our meetings no more, but I was wondering if you could help me after church with something.”  

Your eyes stay on Erik’s, while his are trained somewhere below your neck.  

You dip your head to bring his gaze back to your face.  “Mm-hm? And that would be…?”

Erik scoffs looking away, “My bad, but uh, since the basketball team is moving up to top eight in the tournament, I wanted to practice with a real pro to make sure my game is all the way together.”  A church member walks by as they give a polite greeting. Erik became a favorite of more of the church members as well.

“Ahhh, so you need some one-on-one basketball training.   I mean, I am ok with you acknowledging my superior skills, I just wanna make sure that is all you had in mind.”  You say looking at him condescendingly.

Erik steps closer to you looking slightly pitiful.  “I ain’t had to wait around this long to claim a female, you know that right?”

It was your turn to scoff now, “Please, Brother Stevens.  I’m not some ‘female’ to claim. I told you I would take it slow with you.”

Erik sucks his teeth, “Jesus gon come back before I get anywhere with you again, I swear.”

Your eyebrow shoots up, “And wherever you tryna take me, has a probation period attached to it.  You’d be lucky to get credit for good behavior.”

Erik smiles looking at the ground.  He walks away from you as you turn back to look for members coming in, feeling proud of yourself for coming off the one in charge.  

Suddenly you feel his baritone vibrate against your eardrum, “But we glory in tribulations; knowing that tribulations worketh patience.  Longsuffering is a vitrue (Y/N), and I intend to be a virtuous man.”

Erik makes his way to the sanctuary as you exhale, forgetting that you weren’t breathing for a moment.  Erik knew by now your weakness was his Shakespearean quotes of the Bible which he pulled out on purpose regularly, and this time did not change that fact.  Your mind flashes back to being on your back in the pew and you ask Jesus for strength as the music from the sanctuary signals the start of service.

The service is hopping today as the Pastor is in his final form it seems.  People are whooping and hollering, shaking hands, holding each other up as the service moved them.  When it was time to tithe, fans were flapping all over the church as people came down from the Spirit to fix their envelopes.  The band played upbeat music as people got up and made their way to the altar to lay their gifts. Erik walked ahead of you in the line to place his tithes.  By the time you walk back to your seat, you see Marie strolling over to where Erik is sitting. Erik sits back leaning to hear what she says. She is cheesing the entire time talking to him, patting his back, causing your blood to boil.  You close your eyes and take a deep breath. He is a grown man, he can do what he wants, but you would be damned if he makes a fool of you now that you are giving his ass a chance. 

Erik is shaking his head, saying something in her ear as her face slowly drops.  The tithes and offering is almost over and you see Marie working her neck with whatever she is saying, causing Erik to get up and walk up the aisle.  He turns into where you are sitting and sits next to you. 

“Hey, I know you’re wanting to keep us separate so people don’t assume shit, but imma need to bend that rule for a second.”  Erik tells you.

You furrow your brow as you see Marie looking back at you all with daggers in her eyes.  “The hell is wrong with Marie? I thought you let her down already.”

Erik crosses his arms frustrated.  “I did. But she still texts me and she was asking just now bout getting together but I said nah.  I ain’t lookin for that no more.”

Marie gets up walking past the two of you and out the church.

“Well, you done pissed her off real good.”  You look back at the door Marie exited out of.

Erik puts his hand on your thigh, “Don’t worry about her.  I sure as hell ain’t. Just wanna make sure you good.” 

You look at Erik as he looks at you sincerely.  He wasn’t even rubbing your thigh suggestively, just trying to make sure you knew where his heart belonged.  You put your hand over his on your leg and smile faintly. You knew Erik and Marie wasn’t ever more than a one-off, but trust is hard to build in a relationship.  And now that Marie was mad, you had to think about what to say to her. 

“Did you tell her we were….” 

Erik cuts in, “I mean, I ain’t even sure what we are yet, (Y/N).  But I just said I ain’t looking for another jump off. I didn’t bring you into it, yet.”

You nod while deep in though: you either tell Marie you are claiming Erik or play dumb and console her on her lost dick therapy.  

A tap on your shoulder, “Church is almost through baby.  Try to behave til then.” Your mother tells you. She smirks at you as you push Erik’s hand off of your lap.  You hadn’t exactly told her about anything related to Erik, and now wasn’t the best time to get into it.

As church lets out, you and Erik exchange goodbyes as you plan to meet up later.  Your mother is beaming at you as you humbly approach her.

“SO!  We got ourselves a live one, didn’t we?”  she says cackling.

You shake your head embarrassed, “Ma, I am not with him.”

“Oh, now if you lie in church you gonna have to buy me lunch.  Y’all wasn’t praying just then. That was a lover’s hand hold.”

You turn your mouth up, “Can you not say ‘lovers’ please?”

“Oh hush, you grown!  And he sure is too, baby.  He is beautiful, tall, dress nice, goes to church, and seems all about you.  I saw that just today, so what you mean, he isn’t yours?” 

You and your mother walk out to her car.  “It’s just complicated, is all. Please, don’t grill me on this yet.”  You whine.

“Ok, baby.  Only you know the situation so I will let you handle that,  You look good yourself. Got a glow about you.”

“Oh yeah?”  you touch your face subconsciously.  

You mother smirks, “Mhm, a change in routine will do that.  Well, I’ll let you go, sweetie. Gimme hug.” You embrace your mother without hesitation.  “I’m praying for you baby. You know your worth,and I know how sweet you are. I just hope no one takes advantage of that.  No matter how handsome they are.” 

You scoff as you all breakaway, “His big head self ain’t that pretty.  Ok Ma, I’ll see you.”

Walking out the church to go into your car, you hear someone sounding upset.  Looking behind you, you see Marie sitting on the side of the church, crying.

Your heart rate becomes unsteady as the worst part of this scenario is playing out in front of you.  You knew Marie since you all were children and you hated to see her crying. Long as Erik was being truthful, she really was upset over nothing but a one night stand.  Reluctantly you walk over to her.

“Hey Marie?  What’s wrong?”  you ask softly. You decided to go with playing dumb.

Marie is red faced, sniffing her stuffy nose, looking at you sideways.  “That nigga of yours is curving me.”

You squat next to her, continuing while assuming she meant him as your mentor nigga, “Aww, Marie, I’m sorry to hear that.  Were you all getting serious?”

Marie stares off into space, “I felt a certain way, let’s just say that.”

“Well, you know guys ain’t always for anything deeper than sex.  He was still new here when y’all connected, in that worldly mentality.”

Marie scoffs, “I know he ain’t no righteous Jesus freak now.  (Y/N), tell me the damn truth, no bullshit. Are you going with him now?”  

Her eyes trained on your face, you try to make sure your expression does not break.  “No! We are just friends. You know I’m not into your type of dudes.” Most of that was true.  But Erik was changing so it’s just a half lie.

Marie sucks her teeth, “You always had guys liking you back in the day.  I get it though, you pretty and smart and kind. But hell, when he got to me first even though he saw YOU first, I thought something was changing.”

Now you really felt bad.  Lying to her was not what she needed, but you had to protect yourself and Erik.  It would be ten times worse if she knew. 

You touch her arm, “Marie, I always thought you was the popular one though!  You could always make people feel welcome and make friends so easily. You have no reason to be jealous of me, how many boyfriends have you had and I’m stuck at the gate waiting for a passerby?”

You both laugh at this.  “Yeah, I guess you right.”

“Plus, you probably moved too fast.  Must’ve been something to catch you up like this.”  You fought back a gag thinking of Erik fucking her. And he wonder why y’all still ain’t official.

Marie rolls her eyes into her head, “Ohh, here you go.  You just worry about the next time you get your walls waxed girl, it’s been too long.”

“Eh, I’m workin on it.” You help Marie to stand up.

“Thanks for talking to me.  I know we aren’t always on the best terms, but I know I can count on you to have my back.”

Relief washes over you.  “Yeah, no doubt. Just call me whenever.”

Marie nods, “I may do that.  I’ll feel better when karma comes to him though. It’s coming too, bet that.”

“Yeah, what goes around, comes around.”  You say as Marie and you part from each other.  An uneasy feeling washes over you about the last part of your conversation.  Erik did fuck up messing with her, you told him that. Marie just better not be pulling some high school prank bullshit on him and act like the grown woman she is.

Later that day, you make your way to Erik’s spot, dressed in your baggy shorts and tank with tennis shoes.  You walk around the building to see if he is already on the court, but he isn’t. You find the back door entrance with the working elevator and make your way to his door.  It takes a minute for him to respond, so you give one more good knock before pulling out your phone to text him. By then the door opens. 

Erik stands there with a towel wrapped around his waist, body still dripping from the shower.  You watched droplets run over his scars, along the crevices of his muscles, growing envious of their privilege.  He’s using a smaller towel to wipe his face as he smiles at you. “Hey (Y/N). Come on. It’s always when a nigga doin somethin that people decide to come over.”  

You step past him.  “You just need to manage your time better.  It’s almost dark out and I ain’t going out there with mosquitoes biting me.”

Erik walks back to his room yelling across the way, “You still don’t like the outside?”

Sitting on his couch you say, “It’s not the outside, it’s the bugs.  I itch just thinking about it.” You see the spine of a book on the table under his TV.  It looks so old you are compelled to go check it out.

Opening it up, you smell the age of the pages, which are riddled with symbols that you do not recognize.  They seemed almost hieroglyphic, which confused you. Why does Erik have something like this? You flip through the pages until a picture catches your eye.  A zoomed in drawing of the continent of Africa with Wakanda highlighted. Déjà vu catches you as you think back to where you heard that from. 

“Whatchu doin over there?”  Erik asks coming up behind you, planting a kiss on your shoulder.

You shimmy your shoulder away, “Come on, chill.  Erik what’s this?”

Erik looks over you.  “You don’t remember?” His hand brushes along the images, studying it closely.  

“Erik, when we were kids, you got a lotta flack cuz you would talk about some place you were going to go to someday.  Was this it?”

Erik nods slowly.  “You got it, girl. This is my home.”

You furrow your brow confused, “But Erik, the stuff you would talk about from it.  The stories about the people, some cat God-”

“Panther.  It’s a panther God. Bast.”  Erik says indignant. He crosses his arms looking at you.  He is still shirtless, though his shirt is around his neck, and shorts are on.

You look at him sideways, “Right.  But Erik, you still believe this? I thought your imagination was just running wild.”

“You said you believed me back then.” 

“I….said that to make you feel better?”  you say, voice rising in pitch.

Erik tucks his lips looking at the floor.  “Ain’t that bout a bitch.” Erik walks to his couch to sit, rocking his legs back and forth anxiously.

You take the book in your hands and join him.  “Now Erik don’t shut down on me. Talk! We were kids.  Most of em still thought Santa was a thing, your ideas weren’t far off.”

Erik turns squinting at you.  “My ‘ideas’ were real though. Too real.  And they still are. I just…”

Erik breathes through his nostrils as they flare.  You reach to move his locs out of his eyes trying to speak calmly.

“Listen, I am talking about back then.  If you still have this right here,” you hold the book up, “I know you not crazy!  If I’m still fucking with you after seeing alladem scars, learning about some far away land wouldn’t be a stretch.  Just tell me about it, help me understand this.”

Erik takes the book from you opening it.  “This book was from my father. He was African, specifically Wakandan.  Now, you know of Wakanda as a third world country, but he always told me about how great it was underneath it all.”  Erik smiles genuinely as he works up to the details. “The people are the most intelligent. Everyone is educated and a big part of them are skilled in sciences, which is where my brains come from.  Their biggest resource is vibranium, that’s what this ring is made of.” He holds out the ring on the chain that never left his chest for as long as you known him. You hold the cold, heavy metal in your hands.  “It’s the strongest material on earth. All of its properties are still being discovered, but it’s really innovative and powers everything there.”

“Did your dad ever take you there?”  you ask.

Erik looks at you but he seems to be somewhere else when he speaks.  “My daddy was what they called a War Dog, which is like a spy, and they’re scattered all over the world.  He told me about Wakanda a lot; their beautiful sunsets, incredible buildings, food, alladat. But I never got to see it with him, nah.  The one thing I got that can’t nobody take from me to prove my ancestry is this.” He pulls his lower lip down, revealing a glowing tattoo with symbols similar to what was in the book.

Your mouth slacks open as you hold his chin to look closer.  “How did I not notice that before?”

Erik chuckles, “I don’t know, ma.  You kinda an aggressive kisser…”

You slap his arm, “I’m serious, Erik!  You got that as a child?”

He nods, “I think having this done made it easier to get these scars on me.  Pain just don’t phase me as much cuz I know of worse things.”

You ingest the information he gave you. “So your dad passed before he could take you?”

Erik nods, scratching his beard.  “Yeah, on some random bullshit. Just crazy, like…”  He looks away rubbing his hands together. He was hiding something.

“Erik, what happened to your father anyway?”  you ask softly.

Erik looks at you, eyes glistening as he clenches his jaw.  “If I’m telling you this I wanna get something straight with you.”

You sit closer to him to ready yourself, “Yeah, shoot.”

“I’m not wanting to tell you this cuz we friends.  I’m wanting you to hear this because I care about you, and you only.  I ain’t been fucking nobody, I even scaled back my weed smoking and dealing.”

Your eyes widen, “Erik!  You did that for me?”

He shrugs, “I like to think God tellin me to straighten up, but, I don’t know if it would’ve happened without you coaching me through it, so…” He doesn’t look at you.  

You feel you spirit lift as you take hold of his hands.  “Erik, I don’t know what to say. I’m so glad for you, I am, just-”

He moves his hand to one of your knees, “It’s all good.  I still got some shit to get through, but I don’t wanna have to keep reminding you how serious I am about wanting you to be my girl.  So, just remember that, while I finish this.” 

He leans back on the couch before continuing.  “My daddy being a War Dog, got his orders from the high-ups back in Wakanda.  Otherwise he just had to blend in and do his thing. Well, the 80s and 90s were a mess back then.  Riots and drugs and violence all over. The neighborhood he was in was no suburb either; it was right in the middle of it all.  So we heard the shots, seen the bodies, it was Hell to be honest.” He shakes his head at the memories. “But my dad made it better, the best.  His stories of his home made me think one day I could get out of here and make it to a better place.” 

He pauses to clear his throat.  “Then my mom got put in jail on a gun charge.  My dad changed. He would meet with my uncle and I hear whispers of a plan to break her out.  One night, I see a strange light above my apartment building and I got upstairs to ask my dad if he saw it.  He laid out-” Erik clears his throat again, rubbing his beard. You lay a hand on his arm to comfort him. “He’s laid out, dead.  My uncle ain’t nowhere to be found. My dad had these weird claw marks in his chest. With that book and what he told me, after some time I was able to put together that the King of Wakanda at that time, T’Chaka my dad’s brother, did it.”

You shook your head, saddened for him.  “So your uncle betrayed his brother?”

Erik scoffs to himself, “Now the kicker in it all is that my uncle I mentioned, wasn’t my blood uncle.   He was a War Dog spying on my father. My dad was using vibranium without permission to get my mom out and it cost the country, so they sent my ‘uncle’ to confirm their suspicions.  The King of Wakanda was my real uncle.”

You look at Erik in awe of his story, “So does that make you royalty, or…”

Erik laughs, “The funny thing is, nah.  Since no one over there knows me, I don’t exist to them to earn that.  I even thought about going over their, just cashing out my account to go and figure all that out.  Ask about my dad, my possible birthright, meet my other family. But I get mad, and I know I can’t just be bustin up their thing but, tsk, I sure as fuck want to.  Especially the new nigga in charge.” 

“Erik, you can’t do that though.  You’d get yourself killed.”

Erik looks at you sideways, “And those times when I really don’t care about dying, I am real motivated to do it.”

You hold his face in your hands.  “I don’t want you to think that way, ever.  You have so much going for you, I see it every day I see you.  That hate in your heart has got to come out some way. Have you thought about it recently?”

Erik shakes his head, “Nah, you been the perfect distraction.”

His eyes begin to smolder looking deep into you.  You feel yourself being pulled in; you didn’t want him to ever feel like he was not worthy, or less than, when he has heard that about himself and his family all his life.

You take a deep breath, “Come on, let’s take this energy to the court real quick.  Work off this aggression.” 

Going to the door, Erik follows putting on his shirt, grabbing the ball nearby.  “I didn’t make you nervous, did I?” You weren’t looking at him but you could hear him smiling.

Turning to him, you say, “I’m only nervous to see how your shoot game stacks up, is all.”

When you all get to the court Erik pulls something out of his pocket conspicuously, setting it down.  

“What was that?”  you ask stretching.

Erik hesitates, his mouth moving before words come out.  “Uhhh, just my piece.”

You pause looking at him fiercely, “Why the hell you got that out here?”

Erik shrugs dribbling the ball.  “Look, this neighborhood ain’t the greatest.  It just makes me feel better, that’s it. You good?”

You shift your weight, “I mean, if you not dealing no more, why not let that go?  Or at least don’t bring it around me.”

“Pssh, you ain’t my girl, who you ordering.  Check.”

You and Erik warm up taking turns at the basket.  It was pretty even between you all in points.

“What’s going on, Lil Erik?  I thought you were finna show me up?”  You jest as you pass the ball his way.

Erik sucks his teeth, “Maaan, whatever.  I’m going easy on you.”

He misses and it bounces towards you.  Taking the ball back, you stand with it.  “You know you ain’t never had to take it easy on me, right?” you say suggestively.

“Oh word?”  Erik covers his mouth in fake shock.

You nod, sinking another basket.  “Come on, let’s see how you do in a quick one-on-one.  Check your girl.” 

Erik takes the ball, bouncing it back.  You dribble, passing it between your legs for show and Erik widens his stance to cover you.  He reaches out to your face and hands to sike you out but you aren’t phased, spinning around him, you run it up to score.

Erik looks back at you, nodding,  “Ok, Ms. Thing. Bet. No more gentleman shit.”

You hold your arms out victoriously, “That’s all I ask, baby boy!”

You dribble trying to get around Erik but he shows his agility to keep up with you.  He does a quick move with his feet that makes him look goofy, sending you into a giggle fit.  Erik takes the opportunity to steal, taking it to the basket.

“That ain’t fair, nigga!  We ain’t countin that!” You yell to him catching your breath.

Erik flashes them gold as he walks over to you dribbling, “You mad?”

“Never mad, I just get even.”

He holds the ball above his head.  “Ok, get this so you can show out some more.”

You put your hands on your hips, giving him your most annoyed look you can muster, but on the low you liked to play.  You jump up to knock it out, but it doesn’t work. Every time you jumped, Erik smiled wider before catching you around your waist mid-jump.

“Come on, man!  Let me go!” you squish his face to get him to get go.

He moves his face back, “Agh!  Cut that shit! I’ll let you go if you tell me you don’t like me.”

You suck your teeth.  “Bruh, get off of that.  Let me down, for real.”

He holds you even tighter.  “If you don’t give a fuck about me, say it.”

You sigh, “You know I give a fuck-”

“Then what?”  He stares at you, making you look at him. 

While looking into his eyes, you think about when you all were kids, and then when you first saw him back in church.  You all made love and it's been an adventure ever since. You thought back to Marie crying over having been rejected by Erik from his booty call, and you start to correlate that experience with your own.  Erik was hurt when you rejected him after the fact, but has never relented on his admiration of you. Your feelings never stopped for him either.

You wipe a sweat drop rolling down the side of his cheek and wrap your arms around his neck.  You feel lighter than air with your feet off the ground, secure in his one arm holding you up, the other still gripping the ball above.

Erik licks his lips, eyes beginning to dilate, your felt his heart beating against your chest.  “I’m inclined to allow you to call me your girl in public.” you say in a cooing voice.

Erik raises his eyebrows dropping the ball to hold you with both hands.  “Is that right?”

You nod, “You really have grown as a man, I can’t deny that and I never stopped liking you from the beginning.  You just….shook me up. But with the truth coming all out, maybe it was just meant for us to get together this way.”

Erik puts you down putting his hand on your face.  “I’m glad we on the same page.” Erik runs his finger along your jaw, causing a familiar throb from beneath you.  You heat up as your mouths gravitate to each other.

“Aye man!”  a voice calls behind you all.

You and Erik turn to see a ragged looking guy in a coat with the hood up coming towards you all.

Erik steps in front of you, “I don’t know you bruh, what you want?”

The man scratches himself, “I need a little something to hold me over.  You got me?”

You tap Erik, “I thought you weren’t dealing?”

“I’m not, but I never dealt what he lookin for.  Weed don’t do this.” Erik steps up to him, “You need to go on somewhere before you walk off limpin, you got me?” 

The man reaches shakily for his pocket.  He takes his hood off to wield a gun, suddenly steady and focused.  “Nah, that ain’t how this gon work, homie.”

You gasp, gripping Erik’s shirt.  Erik puts his hands up, “Aight bro, chill.  I ain’t got nothin to take man.”

The man holds a smug look, “Fuck I need with your shit?  I’m here on a favor. What goes around, comes around.”

“(Y/N), GET OUTTA HERE!”  Erik yells as he rushes the guy.  The gun goes off once but Erik had dipped and pushed his hand away before tackling him.  Erik has the upperhand delivering blows before getting knocked back.

“Stop it!!  Erik!! Please, don’t hurt him!”  Your eyesight becomes blurry from the tears before you remember Erik’s gun.  Trying to calm yourself, you gulp your emotions to look for it. On the far edge of the court, you see it.  As you pick it up, you turn to see Erik get punched in the gut, sending him on his back. The guy cocks his gun to pull the trigger; the gun sounds off.

“NOOO!!”  you scream as you pull your trigger, causing the guy to fall backward.  

You run to Erik’s side to look him over.  Erik is sweating and reeling, clutching his chest area that is splashed with blood.  You take your shirt off without thinking and plug it over his wound.

“Erik, it’s gonna be ok.  I’m calling an ambulance.”  You dial the emergency call button on your phone.

“I got-”  Erik wheezes.

“Don’t talk!  Just breathe and stay with me here.  It’s gonna be ok!” As the operator asks you a million and one questions you see the guy trying to get up.  

You point the gun at him, “Don’t fucking move or you’ll get some more, ya bastard!”

Erik looks like he is losing color, chuckling to himself, “Damn girl…”

You look down at him, hanging up the phone.  “Shut the fuck up, I told you! You gotta listen to me.” You tell him in a hushed tone as your tears return.

Erik nods, “I understand now.”  His eyes start to close.

You shake him a little, “Don’t sleep, come on!”  Soon lights are flashing around you, people are moving quickly, taking you away, crowding around Erik.  You cry until no tears are left to come out. The paramedics give you a blanket to cover you, ask if you are ok, you don’t answer.  The police question you but you don’t answer. You just keep seeing his blood, him fading. You feel yourself fading as you ask God why.


	6. Chapter 6

The hospital was a blur to you.  Someone took you there and sat you down in the lobby.  Still in your blanket and missing a shirt, a detective tries to sit in front of you and ask you what happened: Blonde lady, kinda reminded your of Jennifer Aniston.  She asked you question after question as you looked down at your hands. His chain and ring rested in your blood stained hands, a paramedic handed it to you as a precaution.  A lot of shifty medical personnel might’ve tried to lift it off of him as he recovered, he said.

You must’ve told someone to call your mother because she showed up in no time, sweating and teary eyed as she picked you up from the hospital, holding you close to her as you all walked up to your apartment.  Even though you could barely register reality, you still felt glad to see her.

Your mom wiped your hands clean, praying Lord Have Mercy the entire time, while running yourself a bath to make you feel better.  Your movements were robotic, slow like you were in a whole other dimension looking at your yourself live a life that wasn’t your own.  As you laid down, your mother sat beside you, patting your head.

“Oh, baby.  I am so sorry.”  She says in a hushed voice.

You laid with your back to her, pressing his ring into your palm as the chain hugs your neck.  Your mother makes circles on your back to comfort you.

“The guy just came after him.  Erik told me to get out of there but I didn’t.  I couldn’t stand to see him getting hurt but…” Your voice hitched.  You couldn’t get the scene out of your head all night. You’d never seen anyone die before and Erik looked as close to it as ever.

“It’s in God’s hands.  I don’t know why this happened or who did it, but I know that He is still working.”

You let out a heavy sigh.  Your faith was the last thing you wanted to exercise at the moment.  You didn’t have it in you to curse God, but you had a whole helluva lot to question Him about.  Erik was turning things around, really trying and this happens? Where is God in that?

“Did you hear anything about how he was doing?”  your mom asked.

You shook your head.  “They were giving him a transfusion last I heard.  The ER was pretty busy so no one could really help me.   And I’m not family, so…”

Your mom sighs, “Does he have any family in town to contact?”  

You shook your head.  He didn’t mention siblings, but he certainly doesn’t have his parents.  God, laying up there alone with no one to claim you, your heart broke at the thought of it.

“I gotta see him Mom.  Even if it’s just to pay respects-”

“Now, you hold onto hope, (Y/N).  Don’t go putting him in the grave yet.  We’ll try and see him tomorrow, get an update on his condition, ok?  But you need to rest, you been through a lot too, seeing what you saw baby, I’m so sorry.”  Your mother has a quiver in her voice. You bring your hand up for her to hold as she sniffs.  

“I’ll be ok eventually, just gotta sleep right?  You go ahead and head out. I’ll be good, I’ll call you if I need anything.”  You with as much strength as you could muster.

Your mother pats your back giving you a kiss before letting herself out.  As you lie in bed, you couldn’t rest as your ears still rang from the gunshots.  You felt like your heart died somewhere back there on the basketball court; it had been working overtime with all the stress since then.  You play the evening back in your head: his home was real, always was. You were a stupid kid back when he would talk about it all the time, but you never made him feel foolish for believing.  Now the you knew it was real, you wanted to know more, maybe even see it someday. And the biggest part of it all, you felt very strong feelings for him. You replay his smile, his cussing, his stare, his body, his kisses.  He never gave up on winning you over, and it wasn’t as hard as he thought it was. You were putting on a front ever since you guys reconnected; moving so fast, you just wanted him to respect you. But he did like you and feel for you too, in a bigger sense than sex.  And he claimed you, just before the shit hit the fan.

The rock in your throat began to grow as you closed your eyes tight to make all the pain go away.  It was hard to breathe, like a cinder block was resting on your chest. You usually watch TV to get tired enough to sleep but you weren’t in the mood and your eyes were already in pain from the crying.  You tried reciting the 23rd Psalm to wipe your mind clean. You had to repeat about 50 times before your consciousness slid into sleep.

The next day, your mother and you tried going up to the hospital but since you weren’t family they were being tight about allowing him any visitors since he was targeted.  You asked about the shooter’s status but they weren’t allowed to know about that either. You left there defeated; how were you supposed to see him or help him if he had nobody?  It wasn’t good for your psyche either, you didn’t even know if he was conscious.

The church was holding a vigil for Erik at 5pm.  Sister Gladys called you to check if you were coming.  She wouldn’t be able to make it but wished for you to go.  You agreed, your mom was going too for support so she would meet you up there.  

A small gathering was in the church sanctuary quietly murmuring to themselves.  As you step in, multiple heads turn to look at you. Word was out that you had been with Erik the night he was shot, some may know you guys were a….something, that still wasn’t clear.  Your mom stood up to walk towards you, embracing each other. You felt like you had no more tears left in you, but Mom could always squeeze a few more drops out. The members gave hushed ‘Lord Jesus’ and ‘Mercy’ as you all made your way to your seats.  

The pastor was at the pulpit giving a word.  “Thank you all for being here this evening for our friend, our brother, Erik Stevens.  Brother Erik has been a great beam of light for the church ever since he joined us about two months ago.  He came here with a story that we all have: walking along the road of trials and tribulations until one day, he decided to give God a try, and we know God stays ready to love his children, Amen?  God’s love is unconditional, non-perishable, and has a no refund policy. But God asks of all of us, to follow that example.”

Your mother holds you close as he speaks.  You half listen, getting distracted by some people coming in to sit down behind you all.

“God wants to love one another despite our faults, despite our shortcomings.  We must not lean into anger as our guide to righting wrongs, but lean to God for your understanding of this world’s tragedies.”

“Ain’t no way Imma feel sorry for a drug dealer shot in the street.” you hear a hushed voice say, followed by a shush.  You felt your body go still as you identified the voice. Sister Helen in all her surly glory.

The pastor continued, “God forgives us all for what we have done that is unbecoming to his image.  And if a perfect God can welcome us back into His grace for all we have done, we must forgive each other.”

“I wanted to forgive him, I really did.”  You hear Marie’s voice now.

“Ha!  Forgive him for defiling you?  Tsk, I still can’t believe you let that nigga take you.  Oughta getcho fast ass tested.” Sister Helen spews.

Your mother turns around to them, “Do y’all think you can hush for a second while Pastor is talking?  This is a quiet vigil, for God’s sake.”

“And I hope it stays this way, quiet I mean.  We ain’t had to hold no vigil before that hood came up in here.  Naw, this is a waste of time.” Sister Helen sas while spitting into a tissue.

You stand up to face Sister Helen, “You got one more time to be talkin shit up in here on him while he is laid up in a hospital bed with no one to pray for him.”

The Pastor stops talking and everyone in attendance turns to you.

“He ain’t even got FAMILY to visit him.  If you could be disgusted about anything, it’s that we all are here instead of claiming him as his FAMILY and going to see our ‘brother’, y’all like to throw around that title so much!”

Marie stands up to you, “You need to shut the hell up talkin to my grandmother that way.”

You look at her like she’s crazy, “And YOU, Marie!  How could you sit here and listen to her speak about him like that?  Aren’t you hurt? You spoke about wanting karma, and now look, your words have power.  Aren’t you ashamed? At all?”

Marie folds her arms defiantly, “It wasn’t supposed to go down like that though.”

You do a quick double take, “It wasn’t -- bitch, what the fuck you just say?”

The Pastor speaks up, “Sisters, please!”

You step out past your mama into the aisle, who tries to hold you back but you shake away from her.  “Nah, tell me again, what was supposed to happen?”

Sister Helen gets up between you all, “Girl, what the hell is wrong with you?”

You laugh maniacally, “Ask your fucking stale pussy ass granddaughter, who obviously had something to do with Erik getting shot!”

The congregation erupts in gasps and wails.

Marie walks out into to the aisle in front of you, “Erik had something coming to him, I told you.  It was just God’s-”

Marie couldn’t finish her sentence before you socked her in her jaw.  She fell like a brick as you got on her to steal on her some more. Your knuckles connected with every square inch of her skull.  Each pop of bone to bone fueled you as members tried to drag you off of her, yelling to stop. Marie was nothing but a ball trying to protect herself; her only defense was an occasional ‘bitch’ flying out of her bloodied mouth to you.

You got snatched up real quick by a pair of strong hands.  As they set you down, you realize it was the Pastor.

“NOW THAT IS A DAMN NUFF!  Ain’t no way in hell, you all bout to come up in here and and make boxing ring out of this church house!”  

Marie got up slow, Sister Helen holding her as much as her frail body could.  “Pastor, this lady is obviously influenced by that nuisance of a boy I would loosely call a child of God.  Nothing good has-”

Pastor help his hand up, “Mother, Imma have to stop you right there.  You cannot demonize this man, not here, not anywhere. God loves him just as much as any of us and you ought to be ashamed by your own words.”

Sister Helen puffs her tiny chest out, “Well Pastor, with all due respect, you can go to hell!”

The church gasps at her evil tongue.

“This church ain’t been the same since you took it over from ya daddy and I put too much money into this church to be ridiculed in front of everyone!”

“Mother, you welcomed that when you brought the Devil up in here with your attitude.”  the Pastor says.

Having caught your breath you ask furiously, “Marie , you tell me right now, what do you mean it wasn’t supposed to go down like that?”

Marie holds a tissue over her bleeding brow, “I told you he had something comin to him!  My grandmother called my crazy ass cousin about it and shit, I just thought he’d just scare him, warn him to watch his back.”

“Which he needed to, obviously!”   Sister Helen tacks on.

“I think you all need to leave, now.”  Your mother says.

They stand there a moment.  “If you don’t want your ass beat twice, get the fuck outta here Marie!  You almost got somebody killed, do you understand that? Either of you?!  You made me pop your cousin!!” Your say, your voice beginning to crack from the force.  Your phone starts to ring, and your mother goes to get it.

“Mhm, and we’ll see if charges get filed for that…”  Sister Helen mutters.

You jump at them, Pastor swiftly catching your momentum.  “Sister Marie, take your grandmother and leave before I call the authorities.  I don’t need either of you in this house of God anymore.”

Marie takes her grandmother by the arm as she cusses everyone in the room right and left.

“(Y/N)?”  your mother’s voice says.

You look to her, trying to read her expression as she holds your phone.

“That was the hospital, baby.”  

You nod, your heart pounding at the news, “Ok, and?” That’s all you can muster for whatever news she had to give.

“Baby, he had you down as an emergency contact, apparently.  That was his doctor.” your mother steps to you as she speaks.

You shake your head slowly, feeling yourself sink.  Do the doctor’s call for anything other than bad news?  You couldn’t handle anymore pain right now.

“Take a deep breath; he wants to see you.”

You take a sharp exhale as you try to factor in what this may mean, “Why, mama?  Do I have to claim his things, identify his body?”

Your mother shakes her head, “Oh no, baby, it isn’t the doctor wanting to see you.  He said Erik wants you.”

You freeze up.  If she wasn’t your well-intentioned mother you could’ve popped her upside her head, but instead your knees give out as you shout praises to God for the first time since this ordeal took place.

“Oh God!  Thank you Jesus, oh Father, thank you!”  You yelled out over the church members still there who heard the news praised along with you.  You hug your mother deeply as you say goodbye. You were headed straight for the hospital.

You tried playing music for the drive over to keep your excitement at a minimum but nothing matched your mood.  You were anxious, happy, sad, worried, relieved, nauseous all at the same time. You hadn’t seen him in almost two days, so you tried to prep your brain for what he may look like or how conscious he may be.  All this while still thanking God that Erik had life in him to get in contact with you to see him finally.

You walked into the hospital with renewed confidence.  This time you would get past the nurses station to see your man.

“Hi, I’m here to see Erik Stevens please.”  You ask the RN.

She looks in her computer, “Ok, yeah.  He in room 1206. He’s a popular one with the staff honey, lucky you came by.”

You gave a weak smile.  You were too tired to josh with the flirtatious nurse or fight her for thirstin so you said thanks and headed straight down the incandescent lighted hallway.  Your eyes hurt from all the white walls, white light. The smells of hospitals always bothered you. You had come here so many times before for other family that were ailing, you knew your way around too well.

Room 1206 plaque greeted you as you opened the door to his room.  You see the edge of the hospital bed, one of his socked feet poke out from under the sheet.  As you walk in you see him laid out, sleep. Your breath hitches in your chest as you look at him. As you walk up to the side of his bed, you study him over as he rests, moving a couple of his locs to one side out of his eyes.   His face seems a little puffy, lips chapped, but otherwise perfect. You guessed that hood didn’t get a good lick in on him dive his face was unblemished. You wanted to wake him, just to make sure he was still with you, but you decided to let him rest.  Plus the screens hooked up to him indicated his heart rate and blood pressure.

You sighed deeply as you thanked God yet again for his safe keeping.  There was a chair with a folded sheet on it across the room that you pull up and get comfortable in.  You listened to Erik’s light snoring as you drifted off, getting the best sleep you have had in awhile.

\---

“Aye!  (Y/N)! Wake yo ass up, come on now!”

You stir as you wipe your mouth.  You forgot where you were for a second until you see him sitting up in his bed.

You stretch your arms up, trying to hide your joy, “Hey buddy, what’s for breakfast?”

Erik scoffs at you, shaking his head.  “Girl, if you don’t bring your ass over here…”

Your heart melts as you get up.  Erik’s arm is already out to bring you in for a hug.  You cradle his head into your chest, resting your cheek on top of his locs.  You missed him so much, reminding God of your thanks. 

You rock him side to side as he groans; his voice hoarse.  “You finally got up in here, huh?”

You suck your teeth, “Man, I tried to see you!  They said I wasn’t family, and I guess since a crime happened, they didn’t want just anybody coming to you.”

He squeezes your waist tighter, “You ain’t just everybody though.  You the only family I got, far as that’s concerned.”

You moan sympathetically.  “I feel you on that.”

“Mhm, I feel you too.”  Erik snuggles his face in your chest before turning to kiss them.

You squeeze his face.  “AYE! Chill man! Someone could walk in!” You were lowkey happy to see him still able to be playful, even though he wasn't about to just do whatever because he softened you up.

“Tsk, that ain’t no skin off my back.”  Erik says before getting into a coughing fit

Your mothering instincts kicked in, “Oh, lemme get your water.”  Grabbing the pitcher you guide the straw into his mouth.  

After taking a sip he looks at your chest again and says, “My chain look good on you though.  Glad you held on to it.”

You touch it, feeling its cold metal that helped comfort you all this time, before bringing it over your head and over his.  “You ain’t gotta give it back to me, (Y/N).”

You shake your head, “Nah that’s yours.  I took it when I thought you were dead, so I’m glad you can wear it.”

Erik purses his lips, “What about my gun?”  You shrug. “Hell. Well I got more than that piece anyway.”

“Erik!  For real?”

Erik nods thoughtfully, “You see it’s a jungle out here, baby!  Shit, man. I been through some shit but a shot through the chest is new to me.”

You sit on the edge of his bed, as cloud settles over your mind.  “Yeah, I was there, Erik.”

Erik felt your sorrow as rested a hand on your leg.  “I know, Ma. You shouldn’t have to gone through that.”

You feel yourself welling up for the thousandth time, “I didn’t go through shit, man.  Some dude came after you, and then he pulled a gun on you? You lost so much blood, I didn’t know if you were dying or-”  You stop talking as a hiccup cuts off your speech.

“Aye, now chill.  I’m here though ain’t I?  Don’t trip about it.” Erik says all cooly.

You continue exasperated, “I can’t help it though!  Erik, I never shot nobody before.”

Erik’s eyes widen, “Oh shit, you shot him!?”

You look at him deadpan, “You mean you ain’t heard this til now?”

Erik chuckles, “Nah, I was too busy bleeding out, if you must know.  I thought he just tried to get me twice and ran off.”

You look up at the ceiling incredulous.  “My God, am I still being tested?”

Erik sits up, “No wonder you a mess.  You ever pull a gun before?”

You think a minute.  You couldn’t remember the last time you talked to Erik about how you grew up, but maybe now is the time.

“Remember, my dad?  And how he was?”

Erik nods solemnly.  “Well, let’s just say yeah, I had.  But I still never shot no one.”

“We was like 9 or 10 before I left.  You did back then?” Erik asks.

You nod, “He kept messing with my mom.  I thought he was gonna kill her, he just kept beating her and shit.”  You pause to steady your voice. “And I always knew where his gun was.  And I knew from TV that always stops people so….”

Erik talks softly, “Remember I would tell you we would go off to Wakanda together?  Away from the sirens and crime scene tape and that shit you had to see?”

You nod sighing deeply, “Yeah that was half the reason I couldn’t stand you growing up.  But little did I know.”

“We can still do it, you know?  Wakanda. I was thinkin of that I think before I passed out that night.  Ain’t too hard to figure, I doubt much changed since my daddy’s map.”

You say with some annoyance, “Erik, please…”

“I could go there, get my birthright.  We’d be living like royalty, safe from shit like this happening again to us.”

“Erik!  What did I tell you!  That shit fucks with me, aight?!  I can’t be thinking about going somewhere I don’t know about, I’m still trying to get through right now!”  You hide your face as you feel your emotions churning.

Erik cuts in, “We ain’t gotta talk about it no more, it’s all good.  Com’ere.”

You lean into Eriks chest as he rubs your back.  “I want you to be aight. You saved my life, knew just what to do.  That’s why you my girl.”

Your heart jumped at this mention.  He still saw you as his girl after all is said and done.  You sit up, “How’s your chest, anyway?”

Erik pulls his hospital gown down, showing the large bandage over one side of his chest.  “It’s aight. I got lucky that it didn’t hit any organs, just some pretty juicy artery or some shit.”

You hold your hand over his wound lightly, thinking back to when your shirt was his bandage, soaked red.  He takes your hand kissing it, which reminds you of a previous situation.

“You won’t believe what else happened too, though.”  you say tiredly.

“You pregnant with my baby?”  Erik asks looking at you all of a sudden husky voiced.

“Nigga, what?  No! What the hell!”  You felt a jump in your stomach that made you panic but attributed it to butterflies.

He laughs, “I had to cut the mood a little bit, come on!  I wouldn’t be mad about it though. Anybody shoot for me is fully qualified to carry my seed.”

“Ok, Erik.  That’s not even a subject on my curriculum right now so, cool it.”  If anything, you couldn’t wait to have Erik stretch you out again, but not like that.  “Anyways, there was a vigil at the church for you, to pray for you.”

“Aw, that’s cute and shit.”  Erik says.

“Well, it didn’t end that way cuz Marie and Sister Helen showed their asses.”

“Oh, word?  Helen could reason you to think cutting off a handicap person for a close parking space is reasonable.  What the fuck she got to say?”

“It was a few things, you know she don’t like you, think you some no good hood nigga.  But Marie and them, I mean….Look, you can’t be gettin all worked up about it though.”

Erik shakes his head, “I’m good!  I’m breathin, you here. They got that nigga that shot me somewhere.  Long as he stay the fuck outta my way, won’t be no problems.”

You feel anxious, “That, what you just said, is why you ain’t needing to hear what I’m tryna say right now.”

Erik looks at you sideways, “I’m good, what’s up?”

The hospital room door opens, two policemen walk in, “(Y/N)?”

Erik moves to the edge of the bed behind you, “Wassup?”

“Is that your name, ma’am?”  one officer asks you.

You are frozen in fear.  Your mouth gapes open but words can’t seem to come out.

“You ain’t stated your business here.  The fuck is this about?” Erik asks gruffly.

You hold your hand up, “It’s ok, Erik.  Yeah, I am, what’s wrong?”

“Ma’am, there’s a warrant out for your arrest.  You’ll be taken into custody for a questioning.  You have the right to remain-”

“The fuck you are!!  What are the damn charges?!”  Erik barks.

The policemen step to you but he gets between, “Back your fuckin ashy ass hands off my girl, pig.  She ain’t leavin.”

You felt like you were going to pass out.  You couldn’t think straight but you muster to say, “Erik, please.  You’re hurt.”

He didn’t listen.  The cops call for a nurse and additional security.   Erik was not moving on his own for the cops to take you, and they weren’t going to risk further injury on him to get to you.  When the hospital staff and security come in, they try to reason with him.

“Mr. Stevens, please.  Remain calm.”

“Tell the pigs to get the fuck outta my room then.”  Erik commands.

“We can’t do that.  We just need you to settle down.”  They step closer to him.

You step in front of Erik with your hands behind you.  “Erik listen to me.” He is breathing hard, sweating and wild eyed.  You try to speak calmly. “I ain’t going anywhere. This is just a technicality.  I know they hear the whole story and I won’t even stay the night.”

“You didn’t do nothing wrong!  You shouldn’t have to go.”

The cop puts cuffs on you.  You start to tear up. “It’s gonna be alright, baby.  Don’t even worry. ‘Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends’.  I see that now, and they will too. You have a big heart, and you keep that, you understand? Don’t flip out!”  The cops walk you out. You feel a jerk and fall off-balance as the cop goes flying backward; Erik pulled him off you.

“Get the sedation!”  One nurse says as the security swoops in on him.  Erik could’ve taken them all down if the needle hadn’t found his neck so quickly.  Erik was still in a frenzy as you watched heartbroken and horrified with your hands behind you, forcing you to watch. You felt that night all over again as you saw his strength fade like Samson.

“(Y/N)!!  I’ll come for you.  I’ll get you out….” Erik’s lids flutter close as he goes under.

You sob as the cops wipe their brow congratulating each other on a job well done as they flop his body back up on the bed.  

You were practically carried to the squad car as they took you to the station to book you.  Your life was turning into Job’s fast and hard, but it was hard to imagine your faith being as strong.  You hoped the TV was right about a phone call so you could get to your mother. As you were taken in the station, you just prayed the world wouldn’t have to hashtag your name.


	7. Chapter 7

Your neck gets tired from trying to hold up your head to stay awake as you sit for almost two hours in the interrogation room.  One of your hands is cuffed to the table, which you are reminded of every time you try to twist your wrist under the hard, sharp metal edge of the cuff.  The bright lights begin to hurt your vision, giving you a pulsating migraine. You stare at the table thinking about Erik, Marie, your mom, and how the hell you could get out of this situation.

Just then, the door opens into the room.

“Detective Anderson, looking for…..(Y/N)!”  a gruff voice asks. 

As the door slams, you turn your head behind to see a pot bellied detective walking in smugly.  He slaps a file down in front of you, but you barely acknowledge his presence. His weight squeaks the chair as he sits and wipes his sweat into his slicked back, thinning hair.

“That’s your name, isn’t it?”  his smoker’s voice grunts. You nod.

“You look a little young to be in here for a gun charge, but it’s really not too uncommon from people….out of your neighborhood.”  His yellow smile brings your migraine on stronger than the lighting as you wince at his terrible mug.

You sit silently, not wanting to correct him that you were well enough grown, and risk being seen as defiant and given more probable cause.

“You wanna tell me what happened or should I just let the judge know to book a hearing?”

“I wanna know what has qualified me to be up in here in the first place?” You ask finally.

He leans back a little, blinking wildly.  “So she’s not a mute! Ok, I’ll tell ya. But after….you give me your version.   What were you doing that night?”

You twist in your chair, anxiously reviewing in your head the details worth sharing.  “I was just there playing basketball with my friend.”

“And your friend’s name is….”

“Erik.  Erik Stevens.”

He squints at you suspiciously.  “Uh huh. Now he is a colorful character, isn’t he?”

You shrug.  “We all got our things about us.”

He licks his chops like you just fell on his plate, roasted and stuffed.  “That’s very truthful of you to say. So, would you say him and you are close?”

You hesitate to answer; would saying he is your boyfriend get you and him in more trouble?  Did Marie and them tell the police about the love triangle mess?

“We have grown close since I met him a couple months ago now.”  you say quickly.

“So he has only known you a few months?  I see. And has the relationship ever reached a romantic level of closeness?”

You glare at the detective.  “Well, now, if you wanted to know if I was single, all you had to do was ask.”

The detective scoffs but it turns into a phlegm filled cough.  Some spittle lands on your cuffed hand as you instinctively try to move it with no luck.  You stare at the drop, wanting to rip your skin off as the drop dries on you.

“Aww, sweetheart, thou dost protest too much!”

You start to counter his words, but then you would actually be protesting too much.

H sneers at you.  “Funny. So, you meet Erik to shoot some hoops, and then…”

“Then a guy comes up asking us-- crazy questions.”  You hesitated, clearing your throat to cover the skip in your sentence.

The detective leans forward, intrigued.  “Questions, huh? What was he saying?” 

You look at the ceiling in fake deep thought.  “Uh, like what were we doing there. He didn’t know us, so it’s like he wanted a fight.”

“Did he appear impaired in some way?”

You nod slightly, “Or out of his mind, one.”

The detective flicks the corner of his folder fidgeting.  “What does Erik do for a living?”

You pause.  “Uh, he does some trade work, like mechanic stuff.  Stuff I don’t understand.” You him-haw around with your answer.  Erik didn’t talk about a 9-5 with you, but he was former military so he gets benefits there, and he deals.  But if that’s all you knew, you’d look suspicious and Erik would be in a mess.

“You’ve known him this long, and you don’t know what he does to earn money?”  The detective looks at you like you were crazy. 

“Odd jobs!  He isn’t someone’s secretary, I know that.  He makes his own schedule, I don’t clock him in, sorry.”  You say with a little snark. 

This unfortunately sends him into a jovial chortle.  “Oh, that is rich. So if I asked you about him doing something on the side, like selling drugs, you would know about that?”

Your heart skips, “No!  He doesn’t do that...” you stop short of saying ‘anymore’.

He shakes his head, unbelievably.  “So you’re telling me a guy comes up to you all out of his mind asking ‘questions’ that you can’t comprehend, and then…”

You sigh as you try to remember the thick of it.  “He pulls a gun out on Erik.”

“Now why does he do that?”

You shrugm “He didn’t like Erik’s answers.  He’s got a smart mouth like that.”

Detective Anderson taps the table impatiently.  “Think you could recall any dialogue?”

“Nope.” You say quickly.  

He sighs.  “So does Erik overtake him somehow?”

“Yeah, he kind of runs up on him and fights the guy until he gets Erik off him and pulls the trigger.”

“So you get your gun-”

“Erik’s gun.”

“....Erik’s gun...and take out the mystery man.”  

You nod.  “I mean, I wounded, him anyway.  I he gonna be questioned too?”

The detective ignores your question.  “That is an exciting turn of events. Very exciting…”

“It’s the truth.  You should have that guy in custody, not me.  He got things started.”

The detective opens his file for only him to see.  Staring at it, he says to you, “Well that would be a good idea except for the fact--”

Plopping the file open to you, you gasp at the horrendous sight of a man’s lifeless expression, with autopsy scarring.

“He’s dead, (Y/N).  He, being Marcus Whittingham.  22 years old, a bit of a checkered past, but no attempted murder charges.  Of course, not until you decided to pin that on a dead man.”

Your stomach churned at the sight of his pale complexion, dead expression in the photograph.  He has a blackened, swollen eye and busted lip, presumably where Erik got his licks in. Your eyesight blurred as your emotions came to a head.  

“Oh, God!  He-- no….” you gasp, covering your mouth to muffle the sobs.  You didn’t mean to take his life. He was still moving when you shot him, just once.

The detective sounded as though he was gonna chuckle, but coughed to cover it.  “Well he ain’t going to be walking up to strangers asking questions any time soon.  Now tell me about this Erik character a little bit because we have a reason to believe he may have something more to do with it than you.”

You are still gasping for air between sobs and waves of nausea as you try to focus on his questioning, but your mind races.   “What are you talking about? I killed him...Fuck, I killed him…” You look out into space, pausing time as you think about what this all means for you.  When would you be getting out? How could you do anything as an ex-con?

“Well, your prints were on the gun, that’s without question.  However, we think Erik may have put you up to be his very own hitman.”

You close your eyes tightly, shaking your head.  “Wha-what do you mean? I never killed anyone before.  I don’t work for him! It was self-defense!”

The detective shakes his head.  “Oh, that could be the case to spin this in his favor but we have tips that indicate he may be a master manipulator, and possibly worse.”

You wipe your tears, trying to keep your eyes off of the dead man’s picture in front of you.  “I told you he didn’t make me do anything.”

Detective Anderson wipes his stress sweat away again,  “We heard from an alleged victim of his that he had sexually assaulted her not too long before this all went down.”

This revelation  came down on you like a mallet, cracking your head open as the pieces came together.  Marie reported you after all.

“She alleges that Erik came onto her strongly, forced himself on her and sent her away crying and disheveled.  From there, she tells her family, and this cousin of hers is reasonably upset over it and decides to give Erik a piece of his mind.  Erik doesn’t take too kindly to the accusations and beats him up pretty good, until the cousin pulls out his weapon to fend off Erik.  Then you make the fatal shot.” He makes a finger gun at you, whispering ‘pow’.

You rub your eyes hard, making colors behind your eyelids.  “That’s not true, Marie didn’t say that.”

“I never said a name, doll.”  he says with a venomous smile.

You look at him, blankly.  “You didn’t have to. She has had it out for him ever since-- she is lying.  And if that were, why am I here, and not him?”

“Victim blaming?  That’s not like your generation.”

You almost beat the table with your fist.  “I’m not! She truly is! They fucked, consensually!  She didn’t get a text back, and once he officially called it off with her, she been mad ever since!”

“Well that just sounds like some soap opera I watched.  What is it...The Guiding Hospital? Days of the Beautiful?”  He scratches his chin in dramatic thought.

You hold your head, exhausted.  “Well that’s what happened. I can’t make that clear.  And I asked you, why am I here if he is being accused of this?”

“A technicality of sorts.  Since you shot and killed him,” he edges the photo closer to you “...we have to question you about the crime.  Erik was shot first, so he is presumed innocent until proven guilty, and we just now got the intel on his possible crimes.”

You look him in the eye, pleading, “When can I leave then, because I have nothing else to add.”

Detective Anderson takes back his folder, looking at you pitifully.  “Listen, you could possibly face time for this, ok? The best thing I can do for you here, is cut a deal.  Immunity for putting this guy away. You’d be a hero, in every truth that you believe in.”

Your heart pounds against your chest.   Marie wanted to bury him, but she had to scare you first.

“You guys aren’t that close, right?  Just neighbors, church buddies, whatever.  So it should be a no brainer. Marie’s known you for years, right?”

You nod slowly.  “So it is Marie?”

The detective pauses to stare at you.  “Do the right thing here. A drug dealing rapist, who probably has PTSD from his service gets off the streets from hurting someone else.”

You scoff, shaking your head.  “You have no clue what the fuck you’re talking about.”

The detective pauses, looking at you intently.  He wasn’t going to intimidate you. No way could you agree with a story like that, when the truth was right in front of him. 

After a while you continue to try and reason with him.  “Erik is the victim. He was ambushed because Marie was scorned.  She doesn’t take breakups fucking well! Erik was about to be on the right track, cleaning up his life for the better.  He doesn’t deal, and he has no hand in this situation escalating.”

“So you’re not taking the deal.”  He asks.

You sit back, looking at the sharp cuff around your wrist.  “Not when it’s based on a lie.”

The detective gets up, scratching his ass and belching.  “Well, I gotta go get lunch. You sit tight while we get your booking paperwork finalized.”

You look over at him angrily.  “Why can’t I just leave??”

He opens the door looking back to you, entertained by your annoyance.  “Girl, your prints are on the gun that killed a man a few days ago. Why would we let you out on that?  Plus, if we find out ANY part of what you say is a lie….”

He chuckles as the door closes behind him.

You claw at your hair, about ready to lose your mind in the silence of the interrogation room after everything that just went down.  You were really about to face some charges for this, even though you had every right to defend yourself. You thought about Erik and how he might find out, if he would get out of the hospital in time to visit you; and your mom.  At this point she is calling the police to issue a missing person report, not knowing her baby was already with them.

Another hour of torturous silence passes before someone comes by to pick you up and put you in the holding area with other would-be criminals.  The gymnasium like area has cots scattered around and is filled with women from presumably all walks of life. Frazzled, you walk the perimeter, trying not to catch someone’s eye.  You didn’t know anything about prison, but you figured that calling attention to yourself was not the best way to go. You find an isolated unoccupied cot and make your way to sit on it.  

You can’t comfortably sit though, as you think about what and all that has rested on it and what those behinds could’ve carried over, so you sit lightly on the edge keeping an eye on the population around you.  Women that looked like street professionals laughing and gabbing with people they knew from frequent visits. Some looking more disheveled and tweaking, and others looking glad they just scored a place to rest for the evening.  A handful were looking like you: first timers not knowing what the hell to do. 

A clock high on the wall read as almost 5pm.  No one told you how long to expect being in the holding area, if you could call someone or anything like that.  

Your butt begins to hurt from sitting so rigidly so you sit back, resting against the wall.  Your mind wanders to God, and what this must all mean from Him. You felt the epitome of Job on you as every piece of your life fell apart bit by bit, leaving you alone, poor and sickened.  It was hard to see the silver lining in this scenario; you guessed you should be happy to not be dead, that Erik was alive. You truly couldn’t think of a better way to deal with the scenario you were faced with; and you would do it again in a heartbeat.  Just why did all of this have to follow?

You did however silently ask forgiveness for taking the soul of another.  Your breath caught in your throat as the image of Marcus played in your head over and over.  You hoped that he wasn’t just tricked into defending his crazy cousin with a lie and losing his life because of it.  If so, he is a victim as well, but it was hard for you to not see your fault in that.

Your brain wracked the many ways things could’ve been different.  Maybe you should’ve ran up on Marcus, taken a bullet. At least that way, you and Erik are both injured and the shooter is more of a suspect.  But it shouldn’t be that way. You shouldn’t have to lay down and let a dog bite you in order for help to come to stop him. 

You were angry that you were being persecuted for defending yourself and Erik.  You were angry that Erik was dealing drugs, but that that was being used to discredit him when he got shot in the first place.  You were especially mad he put his dick in Marie’s crazy self to make her go nuts like this.

“Hey, what’re you in for?”  a voice asks.

You look over to your left and see some young black girl, barely look out of high school with her Payless sneakers and Walmart clothes, staring at you cautiously. 

You weren’t going to say murder of course.  “Petty theft.”

This made her almond eyes light up.  “Mm! Care to elaborate?”

You shake your head slowly.  “Nah, I’m good.”

She nods, twisting back and forth.  “You seem like a sane person here so I just decided I’d say hello, is all.”

You soften a little; she is clearly so young,  “What about you, hun? Why’re you here?”

She bites her nails nervously.  “Used my discount past expiration.”

You look at her confused.  “What? Why that?”

She giggles to herself.  “Well, the five finger discount isn’t recognized in many institutions.”

You kiss your teeth.  “Ohh, sweetie. Don’t keep that up, it’s a nasty habit.”

“Pssh, you one to talk, ma’am.”

You scoff at her.  “So you are pretty sharp, huh?  You in school?

She nods.  “11th grade.”

“Why ain’t you in juvie then?”

“I’m a repeat, and I guess I’m close enough to being an adult so…”

You sigh deeply.  “So you tryna steal for the rest of your life?”

She looks around nervously.  “Nah, I just like nice things and keep getting caught, is all.”

“Do you like school?”

She half nods, “Sometimes.  The boys are cute, but they dumb too.”

You smile weakly.  “They sure are, huh.  It doesn’t get much better as they age.  But what do you wanna do after school?”

She shrugs.  “I don’t know.  I wanted to do something sciencey cuz I like to mix in lab and helping people is probably nice.  But I can’t focus in school. Too much drama and teachers don’t care.”

You knew about that.  School hasn’t changed much.  “Listen, you gotta stay studious.  You wanna be in places like this all the time?”  She shakes her head. “Then you gotta do better. If nobody else care, do it for yourself.  You better than all of this girl, trust me. A black girl loving science is a godsend, pursue it.  It’s rough but put in the time to look for resources to help you, ask your counselors.”

She nods.  “Ok, I will.”

“And leave boys alone too.  For as long as you can. They can muddy your vision real quick, so take your time with that.”

She blushes.  “Yeah, its hard though.”

You give her a motherly look.  “I get it, sure. But if they aren’t doing anything to help you grow, put you on, and they not following a good example; they aren’t your friend.”

The girl fidgets as she contemplates your words.  “Can I sit by you?”

You don’t have anything on you and figure you could take her in a fight, so you oblige.  You all pass the time talking about school, her future, some details on your life and advice that will hopefully stick with her.  You and the girl wind up sharing the space, as she fell asleep on your lap and you doze off not too long after.

\----

A bang startles you awake as a guard by the door gives morning greetings.  “Aight, I need (Y/N)!” 

You smack the arm of the young girl to get off you so you can go to the guard.  She rubs her eyes, half waving you off as she turns over. You pray well wishes over her internally, no time for a proper goodbye, as you get to the door.  Some short white woman busting out of her tube top is trying to convince the guard its her.

“Yeah, that’s me!  Am I getting out early, sir?”

The guard holds your ID up to her face before turning to you.  “Not likely. (Y/N), what’s your date of birth?”

“August 10, 1990.”

“Come with me.”

They lead you own the hall to a receptionist to sign out and hand you a bag with your belongings.

“You made bail.  But keep your nose clean or you will be back here sooner than you can say freedom, ok?”

You nod as you feel pins and needles of excitement in your extremities.  

They escort you to the front door at let you out in the lobby, where you see your mom.

She jumps out of the chair to wrap her arms around you, holding you close.  You can barely breathe, but you were more than happy to see her. 

“How are you?  They didn’t treat you bad, did they?”  she gasped, rubbing your back like you just came in from a blizzard.

“Yeah, I’m fine, thank God.  How did you find me?”

Your mother pulls away to look you over.  “I put out a missing person’s when I hadn’t heard from you since the church, but they said they already had you!”

“Yeah, they just came and got me, said there was a warrant for me.  Mom I swear Marie-”

“You ain’t finna say Hi to me, princess?”

You look up to see Erik smiling at you slyly.  Your heart melts on sight seeing him up and walking around, you jump on him too quickly.

“Ahh, damn, hold up, Ma.”  You come off him, forgetting his injury as he winces, holding his shoulder.

“Damn, I’m sorry, Erik!  How did you get outta the hospital so soon?”

He shakes his head.  “Don’t worry bout alldat right now, you good?”  

His concerned eyes make you feel nervous all of a sudden.  With everything happening up until now, you didn’t want to lose him to anything, and you thank God for keeping him here and free.

“Hey, y’all let’s head to the car, ok?”  you say, hustling them out by arm.

Once you all make it in Erik’s car, he peels out the parking lot.  “What’s all that rushin bout, (Y/N)?” Erik asks looking over to you.

You still hadn’t told Erik about the mishap at the church and what Marie is trying to spread about him.  “I just didn’t want to be around there a minute longer. I need a shower, I need a nap, a meal. I’m just exhausted.”

Your mom leans forward from the backseat, touching your shoulder.  “You want us to pick something up for you, baby?”

You shrug.  Even though you were starving, indecisiveness still plagued you.  

Erik kisses his teeth.  “Nah, you gettin some meat in you today, trust that.”  He makes a quick turn over to a fast food joint parking lot.  He gets out of the car, telling you all to hang on as he goes inside.

You turn back to talk to your Mom.  “When the hell he get outta the hospital?”

Your Mom shakes her head, smiling sideways.  A common expression when dealing with Erik. “I went up to the hospital to check on you, but I knew they weren’t letting no one but you basically to see him, so I pretended to be you.”

You chuckled.  “And that worked?”

Your mother gave you a death glare.  “What? I’m still mistaken for a not-so older sister when I’m with you!  But it did work and Erik was groggy, talking nonsense. When he became more clear, it was nothing but, ‘Where’s (Y/N), they got (Y/N)’.  That’s when I filed the missing persons! Little did I know, you got arrested!”

You shake your head.  “Yeah, Mama, Marie has it out for Erik bad.  She’s just using me because I shot the gun.” A wave of nausea hit you with a vengeance as you take a deep breath, shutting your eyes tightly.  

Your mother lays a hand on your forehead.  “You alright? Did you catch something?”

You shake your head.  “Mama, I killed him.” The tears roll as you open your eyes.

Your mother’s jaw slacks open.  “Oh no, baby! But it’s not your fault, he was coming after y’all!”

You exhale sharply, wiping the tears away.  “But Marie told the police he was going to Erik to confront him for hurting her…”

“What?  What did he do?”

“Nothing!  But she is trying to say he raped her and that’s just not true!  She bragged to me about how he...you know. There was no remorse, or sadness, or hurt in her voice.  It was consensual. But he wants to be with me and she don’t like that so, here it is.”

Your mother puts on a sour expression.  “I don’t like that. Why the hell is he messing with messy women like her?  And you all are friends, been for years. Why would she-- ugh, niggas will make anyone crazy.”  She shakes her head, cursing under her breath. 

“He isn’t bad, Mama.  He is getting better, he wasn’t dealing drugs no more, he-”

“HE DID DRUGS??”   Your mother looks at you in horror.

“No, mama it was just marijuana, but he don’t anymore!  He is stopping, especially after this, he don’t want that kind of heat on him.”

Your mother looks to the restaurant.  “This boy is lookin a lot less golden than I thought he was…”

“Mama, he is changing.  That’s why Marie mad. She wanted him when he was rough, but he isn’t trying to do that.  Did you tell him about the church fight?” She shakes her head, looking at the restaurant as Erik comes out with two bags of food and a drink carrier.  “Don’t. I’m trying to break it down for him gently, so he don’t do anything irrational. But the cops might be lookin for him at some point if Marie don’t drop her charge, so we gotta do something.”

The driver’s side door opens as Erik hands you the drinks and gets in, handing your mom the food.

“Aight,  We finna eat good today.  Got some burgers, some chicken sandwiches, some large fries, so we set!”

“What about the drinks?”  You ask, staring at the cups in your lap.

“I got a Sprite, a Hi-C and a Coke.  Y’all just pick whatever, and I’ll take what’s left.”

“What if I wanted diet?”  You say whining.

Erik gave you a look that meant not to play, in the sexiest way.  “Well, you gettin a full shot of sugary calories in your bloodstream tonight, so chill with alldat noise.”

“Thank you for the treat, Erik.  That was very sweet of you.” your mom says from the back.

“Yeah, no problem, ma’am.  Mom’s gotta eat too, of course.”  Erik says smiling in the rearview.

Your mom giggles a little too hard.  “Please, call me Kendra.”

Erik nods, looking to you for check in.  You roll your eyes but smile all the same.

Erik takes you all to his apartment as you crash on his couch, body aching and head throbbing.  He sits next you you, shaking your leg. “Come on, eat a lil something ‘fore you knockout on me, here.”

He hands you the chicken sandwich, which you take weakly, unwrapping the paper.  The smell of the sandwich makes your stomach cave from its emptiness, begging for a morsel, but your mind wasn’t into it.  You close your eyes, holding your breath to take a bite. It was good, but you couldn’t truly enjoy it. The whole situation at the jail still weighed heavily on your mind, Marcus who you killed, whatever might be next for Erik, your taste buds just wouldn’t function.

Swallowing your one bite, you toss the sandwich on his coffee table and turn over on the couch, closing your eyes.

Erik grips your calf trying to get your attention.  “Aye, somethin wrong with it?”

Your mother, who had a mouthful and was thoroughly enjoying her meal said, “Aww, my baby.  She needs her rest, honestly. She’ll probably feel better after.”

Her and Erik get to talkin a little about you, and then a little about him.  You listen with hope that your mother doesn’t slip up telling Erik too much, or that she doesn’t get rude with him about his past, but you were way too tired to care.  The images of Marcus, the gross looking detective, Marie’s craziness all lulled you to a less than peaceful sleep.

You woke up with a jolt, sweating and frazzled you look around trying to remember where you were, expecting the prison.  The apartment was dark and nobody was around you, until the doorknob on the front door began to turn. 

Your heart didn’t beat again until he turned the light on.  Erik looked at you, wide eyed with worry. “Yo, did you go for a run?  Why you so wet?”

You exhale sharply, holding your hands to your face.  You knew you looked crazy, but you just couldn’t help it.

Erik comes over on the couch, pulling you into him.  “(Y/N), wassup with you? You ain’t been the same since the hospital.”

You unload some full fledged weeping on him, taking solace in his scent and compassion.  Erik holds you tighter, holding your head, rubbing your back and shushing you softly. “It’s gonna be alright, Ma.  You good now, they let you go, it’s done.”

You sniffle, pulling back and rubbing your eyes, you smile weakly to hide your pain.  “It’s all good, I just-- it’s been a day.”

Erik gives you a small smirk.  “Hell, it’s been a week, girl. So damn crazy, I can’t even think straight.  The worst is over though; you been prayin bout it?”

You nod, even though it most likely wasn’t going to be over, and your prayers been weak as hell but you wanted a moment with him without stress.

“Yeah, the peace of God surpasses all understanding, but I gotta trust.”  You sit up, looking around for the bag of food. “Did y’all eat up the-”

“Yup!  Your Moms sure can put it away!”  Erik boasts, leaning back on the couch smiling with unfettered confidence.

Your eyes meet your brain.  “Ok, boy, not too much on my mama.”

Erik scoffs.  “My bad, my bad.  But I put it up. Want me to reheat it for you?”

You tweak your mouth at the thought of microwaved fast food but your stomach protests.  “Sure, it’s all good.” 

Erik gets up to make his way to the fridge, pulling out the bag.  “Also, you tryna get a shower in here, you can…” He says it almost too softly for you to hear, but you catch it.

Looking back at him you say, “Uhh, are you sayin I stink, nigga?”  

Erik’s mouth opens and closes a couple of times before dragging out an unconvincing “Naaah….” 

You kiss your teeth, “Wow, it’s like that, ok.  You right, this damn once, but watch yourself!”

Erik holds his hands up in surrender.  “I’m just tryna be a good host, you know?  But go on and get ya funky ass in the shower.”  Erik laughs as the microwave goes off.

You let him have this round because nothing would be more satisfying than some cool water running over you.  You walk into his bathroom, which is immaculately tidy and clean. Looking at yourself in the mirror makes you jump back as you cover your mouth to inhibit a screech.  You looked terrible: bags under your eyes, hair matted on one side and dry, a stain on your shirt from God knows what. Your mama didn’t even say anything about your appearance, you were gonna get her for it.

“There’s a clean toothbrush in there too if you wanna use it!”  Erik yells from the living room.

“I wonder why...thanks!”  You open the cabinet to find a toothbrush in its packaging, right below a box of Magnums, some vaseline, a jar of coconut oil, a razor set, some KY, and an outdated prescription of antidepressants.

You get the shower going as you brush our teeth, and get undressed.  Once you were in the shower, you let the water run over you as the droplets hammered away your stress.  Your moan reverberates against the bathroom walls as you take down your hair band and decide your curls need some TLC just the same.  Erik had some shampoo and conditioner lined up on the shelf in the shower, so you make yourself at home in it. You can feel your scalp reawakening as the Jamaican Black Castor Oil infused shampoo nourishes and cleanses.  After you detangle and condition, you step out of the shower feeling like a new woman. You use his coconut oil to get some moisture into your kinks, making your own wash and go. As you dry, you look at your pile of crusty clothes on the floor and feel sick just looking at them.  

“Erik…...ERIK!”  You yell through the door.

“Wassup?!”  He yells back.

“I need some clothes, can I borrow yours?”

“No doubt, hold up.”  You hear him going into his room for a moment before knocking on your door.  You open it a crack and reach out for them.

“You usin my shit in there?  Girl, you better ask somebody first.  That’s $2.50 for the shamp, $4.25 to condition-”

You slam the door on him.  “Ok, kisses, thaaaanks!!” You say in your valley girl voice. As you put on the tshirt and bball shorts.  

As you open the door, Erik is leaning on the doorframe, smiling at you.  “Who you slammin doors on, girl? You got some nerve on you!”

You duck under his arm to get past him.  “Uh huh, I do. Don’t hate, appreciate, fool!”

Erik walks up, jutting his chin at you.  “You spent so much damn time in there, your food cold.  I’m tryna help YOU out!” 

You cross your arms.  “I didn’t ask for it, last I checked!  You offer a shower to somebody, they are entitled to every bit of that area.  Now go get my food!” You order him, as you plop on the couch, waiting.

Erik clicks his tongue as he makes his way to the kitchen.  He put the sandwich and fries on a plate, smacking it down on the table.  He sits down next you, sitting back, resting his arm around you. 

As you smack on a fry s Erik pokes your shoulder. “My fees still stand.”  

You look back at him as he holds a ‘deadass’ expression on his face.  “For real, Erik? You gon do me like that?”

He nods slowly.  “I’ll let you eat, cuz the food ain’t fresh no more.  But the toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo,-”

“Are you for real??  Erik!” You mug him, mouth agape.  Erik just shrugs.

“What’s the price for the clothes?”  You ask.

Erik looks you over like a store window at a dealership.  “$500.”

“What the fuck?!  I can’t stand your ass!”

“That’s how much I put up, you can start a payment plan.”  Erik scratches his beard, shaking his leg like he somebody’s mobster.

You scoff, wiping your hands together, before getting up.  “I didn’t want your damn clothes anyway. They ugly and basic.”

Erik side eyes you.  “And the way you walked up in here-”

You jump at him, straddling his lap with a hand around his throat and a finger pointed at his nose.

“You got one more time to be fuckin rude, you hear me?”  

Erik keeps his mouth shut as his eyes darken at your warning.  You feel his heartbeat picking up in his jugular. 

You sit back, reaching for the ends of your shirt.  “You can have this shit back.” As you pull it over your head and sling it across the room, you look defiantly at Erik as you sit on his lap, topless.  You both stare at each other, lost in time as your very beings communicate. Soon, you both snap out of it, as your mouths attack each other like its your first time.  You reach for top of his pants to undo, but Erik grabs your wrists, pulling himself from you.

“Nah, you slow your ass down.”  He says, bass dripping from his vocal cords.  He pulls you down to kiss you again before working his mouth along your jawline to your neck, sucking your sweet spot, making your toes curl.  You tried to be mindful of his wound as you wanted to touch him, so you try to get at his dick once more. Running your hand down his abdomen, it didn’t take long to find his hardened member, but Erik takes your hands away.

“I already told your ass once.”  He growls as he holds your hands behind your back, circling the tip of his tongue around your nipple.

You squirm and whine as he helms the peak of your breast, looking at you square in your eyes as his cheeks hollow to take your titty in.  You felt aroused all over by his control and attention, you feel yourself clenching, wanting so badly to take your turn on him.

“Erik, fuck!  Lemme go! This ain’t fuckin fair.”  You whine.

He let’s go of your titty with a pop of suction, licking his lips.  “Nah, fuck that. You gettin this work; slow and deliberate. Ain’t nuthin bout to be quick about this fuck right here, so don’t rush me.”

He gets right to your other nipple, lapping it up to stimulate your arousal as you twist against the bind of his hands.  You bite your lip hard as his sucks you off, to keep yourself from moaning too loud. Erik didn’t like that.

He pops off of your breast and let’s your hands go to throw you back on the couch.  He hovers over you as he runs his hand down your belly under the waistband of your/his shorts  “We ain’t in church today, princess. You better shout for me.” He finds the source of your wetness an massages your folds expertly.  You body contracts from his fingers working you; you hold his thick forearm for stability as you look at him mouth agape.

Erik flashes his golds at you, all smug for he knew what he was doing to you.  “You gonna have to breathe eventually, Ma, come on.”

You hadn’t even realized you stopped breathing until you orgasm peaked, forcing you to take in air.  You gasped with each jolt his fingers sent over your clit, hips involuntarily riding his hand to prolong the pleasure.

“That’s it, (Y/N).  I know that feel good, ruinin my shorts and shit.  You gettin full service today.” He kisses you hungrily again.  “You see how things work for the good of the faithful? The world can try and keep up apart but this is ours.”  As you come down from your climax, your mind flashes to the man writhing in the street, to Erik’s blood soaked shirt, to the autopsy photo.  

You close your eyes tight, cursing under your breath as the moment gets soiled with reality.

Erik snakes his way off the couch to get your shorts off.

“Uh uh, Erik, stop.  I don’t want to do that.”  You say, softly, still dazed, but sobering quickly.

Erik pops an eyebrow at you.  “I know you ain’t doubting me?  I wanna eat too, you know!”

You pull your legs up to you, hugging your knees to cover yourself as you rock back and forth.

Erik sits by you, brow furrowed and confused.  “(Y/N), what the hell is goin on with you?”

A tears comes down your face but you don’t wipe it away.  “Erik, they tryin to come for you.”

Erik pauses, looking thoughtful for a moment.  He places his hands lightly on your arms to give you his full attention.  “Baby girl, you gotta tell me the full story. Are you talkin about the cops?  Or the dude that shot me?”

You sob at the mention of him.  “No, no...Erik he’s dead!”

Erik’s eyes go wide for a second in surprise, but he puts his arms around you to console.  “It’s alright. You didn’t mean to, but you had a fuckin right. That must be why they picked you up.”

You nod into his shoulder.  “I just didn’t want to think about it.  They questioned me, they showed me his dead body, I’m sick!  I just want some peace again, but I can’t get this shit outta my head!”

Erik pulls away from you, holding your chin to look intently in your face.  “I understand, shit, I been through it too with you. What else happened?”

You hold your breath as you gear up to tell him more, praying that it.  “Erik, they think you raped Marie.”

Erik jumps back like he touched something hot.  “The fuck?? Where did they get that from? How did they even think to talk to Marie about any fuckin thing?!”

You feel sick again, but try to talk him down.  “Erik, you gotta calm down a little bit, so I can say this.  The guy I shot was her cousin. She talked to him after you cut her loose, and he came to settle things.”

Erik leans back on the couch, looking incredulously at you, he couldn’t think straight.  He picks up the shirt he gave you so you can put it back on.

“I’m glad you told me this.  But you can’t hold this shit back from me, ok?  I can’t have you bein stressed out over some shit that ain’t your fault.”

You shake your head.  “If I hadn’t punched her at the church, this wouldn’t have come to.”

Erik’s jaw hits the floor.  “You knocked her out?? (Y/N), what the fuck happened since I been in the hospital?  It’s like I went into a damn coma!”

You look at your hands, surveying some bruising that is still on your knuckles.  “She is tryin to get even, I know it. She hates both of us right now. I killed her cousin and you curved her and the cops offered me a deal to turn you in after everything.”

Erik peers at you expectantly, “Which you didn’t take, right?”

You look at him annoyed.  “Of course I fuckin didn’t!”  You bopped him on his good side.

“Ok ok.  I just--I don’t want any more shit.  This is...crazy.”

You get up frustratedly.  “Erik, don’t fuckin turn on me now.  I’m tryna let you know what happened, that’s it!”

Erik leans back with his arms crossed.  “Ok, I see. I just don’t get why all this been held back from me til now though?”

You clap at him “Because. I. Was. In. Jail?? FOR YOU!  Shit, maybe you need to find Marie and figure this shit out, how about that?  You think you know every damn thing.” You pick up your stuff and call up a ride service.  Before going out the door, you turn back to Erik.

“You understand I killed for you right?  Where was the trust and sympathy I got at the hospital?  Or were you too drugged up to remember that?! Wantin me to have you baby or whatever the fuck!  You keep playin, you gonna end up in more trouble than you are already. Call me when you get some damn sense!”

Erik watches you go, breathing hard as you just told him off, before he gets up to go after you.

\----

Marie has to go to church to light candles before evening service.  Once word got around that she may be a victim of Erik’s exploits, she has cautiously been welcomed into the church again.  As she walks in she stops halfway down the aisle seeing someone sitting in the pews, head down in meditation. She walks closer, lightly, until she realizes who it is.

“Erik, what’re you doin here?  She questions him.

Erik turns to her with tears in his eyes.  “Just prayin.”

She sits down next to him, feigning impatience.  “Yeah, well, what about?”

He looks up to the altar in front of them.  “Forgiveness and shit.”

Marie scoffs.  “Yeah? You oughta be talkin to me then, nigga.”

Erik purses his lips turning to her.  “I am. I didn’t mean for anything bad to happen, I was just...fucked up.  When I got shot, it gave me some clarity I didn’t expect.”

Marie fidgets, “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.  Marie, we connected on a level I wasn’t ready for.  You know the real me. Without the bullshit, the political correctness, alldat.  I’m a soldier, I’m a grunt, a hood nigga. And you seem to be the only one that can really handle that.”  Erik looks at her legs, placing a hand on her thigh.

Marie’s body seizes.  “Uh, what about (Y/N)?”

Erik scoffs.  “She old news.  I thought she was a friend but she just kept me away from all the fun shit I used to do.  That girl borin as fuck.”

Marie laughs.  “Yeah, she pretty basic and shit.  You rubbed off on her though, shootin muthafuckas and shit?  Thought you turned her out for real.”

Erik kisses his teeth, leaning back on the pew.  “Nah, she bout had a nervous breakdown. She can’t handle that heat.  You a champ at it though, last I remember.” Erik licks his lips, making Marie squirm with desire.  “Mhm, and you sure can give it. You tryna get outta here?”

Erik rubs his hands together, standing up.  “I thought you’d never ask. Your place or mine?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Fictober had me very busy over on Tumblr, but I hope you enjoy the fresh chapter!

It had been about almost a week since you talked to Erik last.  You weren’t sure what to think, or what to do, but you knew it was best to not call him on your last discussion.  It still didn’t make the waiting any easier.

Your mom still checked on you periodically with calls and drivebys to make sure you were eating and mentally stable.  It was almost the best thing that could’ve happened since the whole mess that went down between Erik and the shooter. You would get into your own life and needs so deep, it was easy to lose track of the people in your life who love you.  The bonding time was much needed, and you felt closer to her than you had in a long while.

“Mom, I’m finna be 500 lbs., you keep feeding me like this!”  You say through a mouth full of mashed potatoes and green beans.

She chortles at the sink, wiping off some glasses.  “Please, you just started getting some meat on your bones since being outta school.  It couldn’t kill you to have a good meal.”

You snort.  “Didn’t no one say I shouldn’t eat, you just flirtin with my cholesterol and waistband.  You know any vegan recipes?”

Your mom looked back at you with a stern expression.  “You know, if I wanted a rabbit for a daughter, my bills would’ve been way cheaper…”

“Ok, Kendra!”  you laugh out, calling her by her government as you take your last bit of chicken into a biscuit, eating it right up.  You sit back on the couch and sigh as the itis hits you. Your eyes closed, you hear your mom coming in and sitting next to you.  

“So, how are your feeling baby?”  She asks softly, smoothing your frizzes in your ponytail.

You sigh curling up on her shoulder.  “Full and sleepy…” you say with a yawn.

She chuckles.  “I mean emotionally...mentally.  How have you been feeling since everything happened?  Are you sleeping better?  I hadn't seen you act like this since...your father and I were...”

She wasn't wrong.  Seeing the abuse in your house made for some long nights back then that stunted a lot of emotional development, letting people in on how you were feeling.  You think about last night’s nightmare of sitting in a pool of blood, gunshots ringing in your ears as a lullaby while you are sitting behind bars screaming for Erik, for Marie, for your mom but nobody hears you.

You nod.  “It’s getting better.  I can sleep longer now, it’s just...I wish I knew what to do.  I haven’t heard from Erik, so Lord knows what’s going on in his brain right now.”

Your mom sighs.  “That boy…”

You look up at her.  “I know, I know. The last time you saw him, we kind of had a falling out that night.  He said some shi- I mean, stuff. So did I, and we kinda hit below the belt on some things, but I was hoping he would be coming back around again.”

“Well, first of all, I was thinking about how much I like seeing him with you.  I didn’t know you had a falling out though, but it was because of the stress.  You both been through a lot. Just remember to pray and why not reach out to him? I never understood people’s reasoning about not waiting to here from someone without even attempting on their end.  Call him up, see what’s up.”

You sigh heavily, sitting up and reaching for your phone.  You didn’t have too much courage in you to do this, but with your mom there, it seemed more doable.  You get up and pull up his contact. Putting the phone to your ear, it rings and rings, so long that you almost hang up but the line kicks on.

“Aye!”  Erik says a little loudly.

Your heartbeat kicks your chest in when you hear his voice.  “Hi, um...I was just thinking about you wondering what’s up?”

Erik groans out loud.  “Yeah, listen. I’m with Marie right now.”

You freeze up, folding your free arm over you anxiously.  “Oh...ok….”

“I’m sorry if I left you hangin about it but I was just tryna make sure this is what I wanna do and how to make it come across.”  Erik says in a hurried tone.

You nod.  “Ok, so then what’s going on between us then?  What are we doing?”

\--

Erik walks out of the church with Marie hanging on his arm.  

“You look really fucking good right now.  You been doin alright?” she asks. Erik wasn’t sure how to answer that, clearing his throat.  “I been better, obviously. I’m sure you know about me getting shot and shit.”

Marie makes a whiny voice of concern.  “Oh yeah, I hated to hear about it. That’s nuts how something could happen that randomly.  Where did you get hit?”

Erik points to the spot in his shoulder.  “You try and visit me?”

Marie looks away nervously.  “I did, but they weren’t being easy about letting people in.  Still can’t believe what happened. It wasn’t right, makes no damn sense what people will do out of anger.”

Erik hits the button to unlock the doors, opening her side.  “Anger is like painting in a closed space. You wanna cover everything around you with how you feel, letting everyone know but you inhale the fumes and poison your damn self in the process.”

Marie pauses before getting in, looking at Erik curiously.  “Right….You know Erik, you should know-”

Erik leans towards her over the car door, dropping his tone.  “That them cheeks bout to get this work? That I ain’t bout to let a drop from you your go to waste before I get my dick wet in that shit?  Nah, I already know.”

Erik looks at Marie lustfully, looking her down for good measure as he places a hand on her hip to ease her inside his car.  Marie just melts inside, stunned and weak by his words but ready and willing to fulfill them.

As Erik gets in and starts the car up, Marie reaches over to rub his thigh.  Crossing her legs to lean closer, she begins to kiss on his ear, slowly working to his neck.  

“You know I missed you somethin terrible, right?”  Her hand snakes up to his crotch, caressing him lightly.  “That connection we made was un-fucking-deniable…”

Erik makes a left, keeping his eyes ahead.  “Oh yeah?”

Marie nods, feeling for his fly and pulling it down.  “Mhm. I just hope I can return the favor as much as possible.”   Marie adjusts herself to be able to lean over his lap, reaching into the opening of his pants.  “Gatdamn, you ain’t even hard yet and I’m wondering how I’ll fit it…”

Erik reaches for her wrist, pushing her hand back.  “Aight, chill with that.”

Marie looks up, confused.  “What? You scared Imma make you crash, or somethin?  I’ll be easy, boo. I wanna save all that good juice for when we get there anyway.”  Marie smiles going for his opening.

Erik clicks his tongue at her as he takes his arm to block her.  Marie sits up frustrated.

“Damn, Erik.  Can’t I get a taste before the main course?  Why you bein a square? I thought you was ready and shit?”

Erik zips himself up, turning another corner.  “Yeah, I’m ready.”

Marie crosses her arms.  “Then what the hell you got a problem with?  You being weird.”

Erik scoffs.  “You don’t think it’s weird that you just got in the car with me to fuck, when you just put a hit out on me?”

Marie is silent, facing forward.  “I don’t know wha-”

“You fuckin know, Marie!  You fuckin know, cuz I know!  You really thought my ass was moving on to you with all the shit that went down!”

“It wasn’t my fault, I ju-”

Erik hits the steering wheel in anger.  “You startin this conversation on the wrong foot, Imma tell you that right now.  (Y/N) told me about y’all little altercation at church. This is your chance to give me your end of it, so I’d advise you to talk.”

Marie huffs out her chest, shaking her head.  “That wasn’t what I wanted, Erik. He was supposed to scare you, that’s it!  But my grandma-”

“Aw, shit.  Of course Sister Hell On Wheels is your grandmother.  What the hell she got to say about it?” Erik snarls, accelerating recklessly.

Marie chews on her lips before continuing.  “It’s just...she thought that you….hurt me. She didn’t quite understand my wording about our one night thing so she figured-”

Erik looks at Marie.  “She assumed I raped you?”

Marie nods.  Erik looks ahead gripping the wheel as he pulls off the highway.  

Marie studies their surroundings.  “Erik, where are we going? This isn’t in the direction of either of our spots.”

Erik turns down a residential street.  “We goin to Grandma’s house. Even though she means as much to me as air to a fish, I wouldn’t put it past you to lie on her to cover your own dusty ass.”

Marie turns to Erik wide eyed.  “Erik, no! We can’t do this right now.  She don’t need to be involved in this.”

“Her ass been involved in my shit ever since I came back here!  She judged me from jump and now she got the nerve to have police lookin for me?  Tryna make me out as a sex offender, with YOUR cosign?? Fuck that, and fuck her!”

“Erik, you ain’t gotta talk like that-”

“And fuck you too!  Sit your ass back!” Erik barks.  

\----

When you left Erik’s apartment in a blubbering mess, he runs after you.

“Aye, (Y/N)!  Come on, stop!”  Erik pleads.

You stop in your tracks, hand covering your face as you break down.  Erik takes your arm to turn you around, bringing you into his chest. You can’t hold back your sobs as you let out all of your feelings onto him.  He holds you tightly, arms double wrapped around you, rocking you from side to side as he lightly shushes you.

“Aight, come on.  I didn’t mean to come across like that.  Shh, shh.” He says softly, kissing the top of your head.

You gasp, catching your breath.  “You can be a damn asshole sometimes, Erik!  Why would you even think like that? How could you think of me like that?!”  You punch his chest in anger.

Erik isn’t moved under your violence, but grips you tighter.  “I know, I know! Shit, what you told me just through me for a loop, is all.  You didn’t bring it up at the best time either, I didn’t have time to calm down, I’m sorry (Y/N).”

You shake your head, wiping the tears from your face.  “This wasn’t easy for me to tell you about. I don’t want you to get locked up over this, on a lie!  I thought I was done when you came out of that shit alive, now I gotta worry about you rotting in a cage?  I only got a taste of it and on God, I will not be going back. Neither are you!”

Erik nods, holding your face in his hands, catching stray tears.  “I got you, you hear me? You don’t have to worry about Marie either, fuck all of that.  No hurt, harm, or danger gonna come to you. God got us this far, he ain’t letting us fall off now, you know?”

You sigh, letting the night air coat your lungs fully, easing your stress.  “No turning back, that’s for sure. That scares me the most I think, I keep seeing flashbacks.  What are we supposed to do now?”

Erik drops his hands to your shoulders looking at you square in the face.  “Your outburst gave me a idea though. You know Marie lying on you to get to me, right?  Sooo, maybe I should trap her in something, get her to confess somethin.”

You take a step back, eyeing Erik.  “How?”

 

\---

Erik pulls up to Sister Helen’s place.  It’s a three story house that she refuses to move out of despite her limited mobility and outrageous utility bill.  Erik gets out and takes Marie by the arm walking her up to the door. Marie whines under his grip as she gives a weak knock at the door.

Erik kisses his teeth, pounding on the iron screen door more authoritatively.

“Damn, you gonna make her jump out her skin pounding like that.”  Marie says rolling her eyes.

“Her old wrinkly ass already lookin like its melting off any damn way.”  Erik mutters under his breath.

A stir is heard behind the door before it slowly creaks open.  Sister Helen in her half open robe and bonnet leaning on a cane peers through the glass.  

“The hell?  Marie is that you?”  she croaks.

Marie sighs.  “Yeah, Granny.  Can you let us in?”

Sister Helen steps up closer.  “What the hell time is it? Coming to my house at the hour, who is that with you?”

Marie tries the handle.  “Granny, I told you not to lock the screen without having your glasses on.  You think everybody a burglar!”

Sister Helen peers towards Erik’s direction.  “You can’t be too careful these days, I keep tellin your slow ass that.  Ohhhhhh. Oh ho ho ho! You must’ve lost your mind!” Sister Helen reaches behind the door, pulling out a pair of Coke bottle glasses.  “I sure as hell ain’t having that nigga in this house! Demon in sheep’s clothing, that’s how he got you all fast in these streets, but I knew he wasn’t nothin but trouble!”

Erik grips Marie by the arm roughly.  “Your granddaughter got some words for you on what’s been going down.  She said you know a little somethin, I want to know your side.”

Sister Helen cackles.  “Oh, you can’t threaten me, youngblood!  I’ll call the blue shirts so quick on your hood ass, you’ll just be another paragraph in the obituary papers.  Try me!”

Marie speaks up, putting her hand to the door.  “Granny, please! Don’t call them, that’ll make things worse!  It’s already been too much already, just let us in. He ain’t hurting nobody, like you said, he don’t want none of that trouble.”

Sister Helen clicked the lock on her door and walked away.  Marie turns the knob, shoving Erik’s hand off of his arm before heading in.  The smell of mothballs hits his nostrils strongly as he looked around the 70s style interior of her house.  Like, the furniture and carpet looks like it hadn’t been replaced since the 70s. Sister Helen sits in a worn out easy chair, looking Erik over closely.

“You got all the damn nerve coming up in here like this.  You ain’t gotta apologize for a damn thing. Your ass is as good as dead, once they give you 25 to life.”  

Erik ignores her comments, looking over black and white photos on her fireplace.  “Why is that?”

Sister Helen scoffs.  “Don’t play dumb boy! Ain’t no way in hell you’d be over here if you hadn’t found out already.  Your dirty ass just plowing through all the congregation you feel like? First (Y/N), then my granddaughter, who else you stickin it too, nigga?”

Marie blinks her eyes.  “Whoa, what? Granny what’re you talking about, he only fucked with me?”

Sister Helen stretches a finger in her face.  “You watch your mouth talking like that! This my damn house!”

Marie fidgets.  “I’m sorry Granny, but I’m just wondering what do you mean?  He hasn’t been sleeping around-”

“You right!  He been taking women’s virtue!”  she hisses.

Erik laughs out loud.  “Ohh, shit! You think she had some virtue still when she got at me?  You losing a few more screws than I thought you had.” Erik’s phone rings, seeing your name, he picks up.

Sister Helen sits up suddenly.  “You a fool talkin to me like that!  Ain’t nobody ask for your opinion, ya bastard!  Marie came on to me crying and and lookin a mess.  She didn’t know right from wrong, and she obviously chose wrong!”

Marie kneels down to reason with her.  “Granny, that’s it though. I chose to be with him.  I wasn’t in danger, or forced. I wanted-”

“You carnal whore.”  Sister Helen spews out her mouth.

Marie sits, frozen.  “What? Granny-”

“You ain’t no damn grandchild of mine, spreading your legs for every Tom, Dick, and Harry that asks your name!  I thought for sure you’d realize your mistake! Get him out of your life in the most permanent way possible, teaching him a lesson!”

Erik gets off the phone with you and steps up to Sister Helen.  “You so fucking evil, ain’t no damn wonder people can’t stand you.  Whatchu got against me is your own damn bias, I ain’t like that! Frankly, I never had to be like that, so fuckin listen to her for once!”

Sister Helen reaches for a drawer in her side table, pulling out a small pistol.  “Get the hell back from me! Help! Heeelp!”

Erik puts his hands up stepping away.  “The fuck is you doin?!”

“Granny!  Stop it, right now!  You not supposed to have a gun, where’d you get that?”

Sister Helen steadies herself to standing, hand shaking as she aims at Erik.  “You shut your stupid ass up! You so damn man hungry, it’s amazing you didn’t get pregnant like your mother!”

Marie stands in front of her, blocking her view.  “I’m tired, Granny! This has gone too fucking far, you could get arrested!”

Sister Helen scoffs.  “Like I can’t plead self-defense and be on my merry way by noon.  This gotta be nipped in the bud! I told you about letting these niggas stomp all over your heart Lurnice!”

Erik moves around as Marie tries to keep her grandmother’s attention.  “Granny, you callin me by Mama’s name again, don’t do that.”

Sister Helen blinks looking into Marie’s eyes as her hand falls.  “Lurnice wanted that damn African so damn bad. But he had a whole gatdamn family, he wasn’t going to give her the time of day!  Then...she gets drunk, meets up with your father and gets herself pregnant. She wasn’t the same the whole damn time. Now here it goes with you, falling for his son!  I knew soon as he walked it, nobody else remember but I did. Then you come cryin to me like she did, over some man like a dummy! You stupid! Stupid!” Sister Helen raises her hand and hits Marie over the head with her gun repeatedly.  Erik comes over them, grabbing Sister Helen’s wrist and getting the gun from her hand as she screamed out. Luckily it was still on safety, so he places it by the fireplace as Sister Helen falls backward on her chair, clutching her chest screaming.

Marie is fuming as she stands over her grandmother, clutching her head.  “You always treated me like shit! Is that fucking why? Because I remind you too much of my mom??  Fuck you for that! How could you hold something like that against her? Against me?! Huh?!” Marie barks at her, shaking her arm to get her attention for an explanation.  But Sister Helen sits still, staring at the ceiling.

Erik puts his hand on his head.  “Ohhh shit…”

Marie leans over her, not quite getting the situation.  “Granny?”

A knock on the door raps, breaking the silence.  Erik rushes to the door, opening it up quickly to see you standing there.  

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Then Marie screams.  “Granny, oh my God. Granny!?”  Marie is sitting at her feet, shaking her legs as Sister Helen remains frozen in her seat.  

You push past Erik to see what has happened.  “Oh my God, Marie, what happened! Erik? What did she do?”

Marie sucks in her sobs a moment looking back at you.  “What did I do? I should be asking you that! Why didn’t you tell me you were fucking with Erik?”

You stand there in shock.  “Are we really talking about this right now while your Granny lays there dead?  Call a damn ambulance!”

Marie laughs like she is losing her mind.  “No, no, no. If you hadn’t been all over him, mentoring him with your PUSSY, none of this would’ve happened!  Nobody would be in a mess if you hadn’t just passed on your hormones for one fucking second! I should’ve fucking known…”  Marie shakes her head, pacing.

You step up to her holding out your hands nervously.  “Marie, I didn’t want to hurt you. But this isn’t the problem-”

“You always take what’s mine.  You took my cousin, you took my man, my granny…”

Erik scoffs.  “Your man? Bitch, if you don’t get that shit outta your head.  You were a jumpoff! Nothing more!”

Marie’s silhouette is made ominous with the flames of the fireplace as she reaches for the gun on the top of it.  She takes it off of safety.

Erik swiftly reaches for her arm, pulling it in the air, setting off a shot.  You stand back defensively, just looking for a way in to help as you dial 911.  

Erik gets the gun from her, looking back to tell you to run before Marie jumps up on him, digging a thumb into his shoulder making him scream out in pain as they fall to the floor.  You run over to Marie, grabbing her hair and cursing her as she fights you off while you drag her. Marie kicks you, sending you staggering back before reclaiming the gun in her hand.

“It’s about damn time I get to have a say in a damn thing!  Granny wanted Erik out of my life so fucking bad, she made a bigger mess with that fucking story she came up with.”  Marie points the gun at Erik looking at you.

You hold your hands up, feeling a familiar anxiety building within you.  Another gun pointed at you, your man hurt on the ground. He watches for something, anything to take this situation down.

You speak to Marie.  “You said it yourself, he isn’t the issue.  Your Granny just wanted control, but you’re grown!  It’s your life!”

Marie laughs out.  “Ohhh, I can still hear her though.  Calling me dumb and asking why I ain’t pulled the trigger yet.  Ohhh, I can’t shake that bitch. Just like I can’t shake your bitch ass, Erik.  I wanted you to make me feel like something bigger than I was. I thought you were strong.  Yet, here you go letting her ass make you soft. Ain’t no God putting you through all of this.  You might as well curse Him and die.”

You notice blue lights flashing on the walls of the living room, making your heart drop.  You run over to Erik, hugging him. “In here! We’re in here! Help!”

A couple of rushed footsteps make their way to the front door.  “Freeze! Put your gun down, now!”

Marie kisses her teeth, slowly dropping the gun to the floor, raising her hands.  One officer keeps a gun trained on her as the other cuffs her, walking her out. You help Erik up and his wound starts to bleed, keeping in mind to take him to the hospital.   

The paramedics run in to collect Sister Helen when it was apparent she had no pulse.  They carry her out on a stretcher, covered for the neighborhood to not have to catch a glimpse of her corpse.

You and Erik walk outside on the front lawn, relief slowly coming over their bodies.  You stroke his face asking how he is and he smiles that dimply grin. “I’m good, girl.  Maaan, you stay showing up for your boy!” Erik says.

You rub his arms affectionately.  “No hurt, harm, or danger right? We been through too much to lose this, swear on everything.   I know your pride and hurt?” You ask.

“Pssh, baby I ain’t that egotistical.  Got a nigga starstruck with how down you be.  You take care of me, Imma damn sure take care of you later!”

You laugh gripping his shirt as you pull him down for a thankful kiss.  You were just so damn glad to come out unscathed again. This relationship really seemed to be ordained by something.

“Excuse me folks, can you all tell me what happened here?  You ok there buddy, you’re bleeding a little.”

Erik looks at the area near his shoulder and holds it.  “Yeah, it’s an old wound, nothing major. Me and my girl bout to head to the hospital and get it checked out.”

The officer nods.  “Ok, fair enough. Just give me a run down if you could before you go.”

Erik starts.  “Aight so me and Marie, that’s ol girl in the squad car, was coming over here to talk to her grandma.  She lied about somethings and we needed the record set on it.”

The officer scribbles this down.  “Are you involved with…”

“Hell no!  I mean, nah.  We just run around the same groups of people and some drama happened.”  Erik says.

“That’s some crazy drama that led to someone dying tonight.”  The officer quipped.

You hold Erik’s arm as he explains.  “It’s tragic, I know. Sister Helen was old so I guess she just got too upset.  Marie was yelling in her face and shit, gave her a heart attack.”

The officer nods, scribbling some more.  “Aight folks, I don’t wanna keep you from getting to where you need just let me get your names and a way to contact in case we need you for anything.”

Erik pauses and tells him a name.  “Chris, Chris Williams.”

The officer jots it down along with a fake number.  You follow suit, giving him a false name and the church office number as yours.

The officer walks away, thanking you both for your time, and that he would be in touch.  You lead Erik away to his car hurriedly.

In a hushed voice you ask, “Why the hell did you just lie to the police?  I almost passed out when you came up with that basic ass name.”

Erik rolls his eyes smirking as he unlocks his car door.  “What you got against the Chris Williams’ in the world?” He lowers his voice leaning on the top of the car.  “They could look me up if I gave em my name, arrest me on sight. You said there’s a warrant out, right?”

You nod slowly, thinking it over.  “Right, that’s true. Well did you have to make up such a obviously fake name?”

“There gotta be a thousand Chris niggas in this city.  Gives me time to mosey on outta here before they figure out I lied.  Now will you come on to the hospital with me, or you got questions about that too?”

Getting to the hospital, you both sit in the emergency room for at least 2 ½ hours.  You hold Erik’s hand, stroking the back of it with your thumb as you lay on his good shoulder.  The screaming babies, coughing, and sneezing around you made it difficult to get comfortable. You look up at Erik to survey his wounds and catch him head back and mouth open snoring.  His wound had stopped bleeding, but didn’t look too good. You study his appearance, memorizing the peacefulness on his face. Just then a nurse calls out his name.

You shake Erik awake.  “Hey, get up. They callin you.”

Erik snorts awake, rubbing his nose before getting up slowly and stretching, flinching when he goes too far considering his injury.   

The nurse was a kind face middle aged white woman that took his blood pressure, weight, and asks his medical history, getting extra nosey about his scars.   When she leaves you both for the doctor to come see you both, Erik looks over at you.

“What time is it?”

You pull out your phone.  “About...2 am. It’s Sunday now.  ”

Erik scratches his beard.  “Damn, it’s been a long night.  I stay keepin you up all night, huh? You outta go home so you aint sleeping in church cuz of me ”

You puff out your cheeks in relief.  “Yeah, we aint outta the woods yet. But don’t go blaming yourself, I coulda left you alone a long time ago.  I’m here cuz I want to.”

He stares at you when you say this, his expression hard to read.  “Why you so loyal to me? Like, why you got all this fight for me?  I don’t see what I’ve given you to warrant all this. I’m on some Job level bullshit right now, you know?”

You get up sitting on the examination bed with him.  Taking his hand in his you hesitate before answering.

“This isn’t a tit for tat kind of thing.  If anything, at the most basic level of it all, everyone deserves a good friend in their life.  Someone that’s gonna have their back, that they can call on in the middle of the night if they need.  You not just anybody Erik, we got a little history, I’m just learning more about what knowing you means to me.  I’m comfortable with you cuz we come from the same place, we both hurt. I just don’t want you to get lost in it by doing something dumb, like lying to the police…”

Erik groans deeply, “You so fucking beautiful…”

“Erik!”

“I'm serious, you get me goin when you mad.”

You stomp your foot.  “Well thats too damn bad, BECAUSE im mad!”

Erik points your way.  “You fell in line right along with me though, don’t front.”

You chuckle, swatting the back of his neck.  “Look, I ain’t even gonna hold you. But what would I look like outing you.  I ain’t a snitch.”

“Damn right.  I see you though.  I just wish this could be easier on you.  I know you not dealing with this without some problems.  Your Mom texted me a couple days ago to fill me in.”

You groan looking to the ceiling.  “Oh my God, Kendra…”

Erik laughs.  “You on first name basis with your Moms?   You better put some respeck on her!” he says, placing a hand on the shelf of your hip.

You giggle nuzzling his shoulder.  “Ok, you right, sorry.” You say sarcastically.  “But, whatever it takes to keep you right here in front of me is all that matters.  I thought you wanted me to be your girl any damn way. I can fall back if that makes YOU feel better.”  You say, pulling away from his hold. Erik kisses his teeth, tickling your sides to bring you in front of him between his legs, hands resting right above your butt.

His face is centimeters in front of yours as his eyes glaze over in a trance from your face.  “You ain’t gotta worry bout that. Im just wanting a chance to show you what kind of a man I can be for you, you've made me better,  I can tell. You are my girl, and I’m gonna show you how mine you are. I can show you right now if you ain’t worried about the doctor walking in…”

You squeal and squirm under his cold hands reaching under the hem of your shirt, skimming your love handles.  “Nooo, no, no! All this bullshit probably cuz we fucked under God's roof so, I’m not about to get kicked out of this hospital cuz you horny all of a sudden.”

Erik looks at you sternly.  “Get outta here, it was all spiritual.  How can we only have sex once? Once! And that was within a week of knowing you, we goin backwards (Y/N).”

You rub his chest giving him a maternal glare.  “And that wont be the only time but shit Erik! Excuse me for not getting wet over you getting shot and hospitalized.  Hell, you were trying it then!”

Erik thinks a moment.  “I did?”

You tug his nose playfully.  “Yes! Were you too high on morphine to recall?”

Erik looks off to the side groaning in feigned embarrassment.  “Hell, can you blame me for making up for lost time? You gon let me get them draws again.  Do it gotta be at the church again?” Erik dips into the crook of your neck kissing on you.

You laugh up a storm and pinch Erik right before the doctor walks in.  You scurry out of Erik’s arms and greet the doctor as he begins to tend to Erik’s wound.

The doctor wasn’t too sociable, the most he did was ask how his wound got disturbed and he blamed you for ‘losing control in the heat of things.’  You took your finger a slid it across your throat to send a message. He tried biting back his smile, wincing when another suture was put into his skin.  Good, you thought.”

When the procedure was done, the doctor warned you both to take it easy and gave instruction on how to keep it clean and the timeframe of healing.  Once you all left, you both stood in the parking lot awkwardly quiet.

“I’m gonna head home...you know, since it’s late and all.”  You say under your breath. But you still stood in place.

Erik nods.  “Yeah, that’s cool.  Uhh, listen.”

You look at him expectantly.  “Yeah?”

Erik takes a deep breath looking around.  “You uh, you hungry or something? I could pick us up something, maybe, if you want?”  He says, fidgeting with his ear.

You cock your head to the side.  “Erik, where you finna get food at this time of the night?  Huh? It’s too late for late night, and breakfast don’t start for like four more hours, and I don’t want no convenience store burritos or whatever.  

“Aight, aight, chill.  I didn’t even say nothing bout no microwave food.  Even though you can bet your bottom dollar, them 2 for 50 cent hot dogs is fire.”

You buck your eyes at him scoffing.  “Boy! You can’t be eating meat at that price and trust it!  Your inside bout to be calcified fossils, man.”

Erik chuckles, looking at you adoringly.  It made you nervous whenever his eyes settled on you too long, like you were the best thing in his world.  Especially if it was hard to believe yourself.

“So, you got food at your house?”  Erik asks, his tone dipping low.

You take a step back looking him down.  “Didn’t I say it was Sunday? You really trying it on the Lord’s day?  The devil himself, I tell you.”

Erik protests, hunching his shoulders.  “It ain’t like that! I wanna spend some time with you, I ain’t had the chance for a minute.  We finally got some time alone, I’m too tired to go all the way back my place, you want me sleep behind the wheel?”

You roll your eyes.

“If you don’t want me over then, just say it.  I don’t believe you don’t.”

You stare him in his face.  “I don’t.”

He juts his chin out at you.  “You coooold, you know? Life hardening you up!”

Brushing some dirt off your shoulder like the G you are, you say.  “No funny business? We go to mine, eat, and sleep. Separately!”

He places a hand over his heart.  “On everything, I promise. I’m just a funny dude though, so don’t get the wrong idea if I rub on your booty a little bit, it means nothing.”

You cackle as he walks you to your car, getting into his to follow you to your spot.  He’d never been over before, and it hit you before you could realize it. You try to remember how much of a mess you left it but remember your mother just helped you out a little with a clean up before you left last.

When you pull up, Erik follows you up as you open the door to your place.  He gives a long whistle when he looks around.

“Aight, I see you, issa look.”  Erik says, looking at the movies under your TV.

“It’s mine, so you don’t have to worry about it anyway.  And don’t get too nosy, I’m hopping in the shower as we speak.”  You say, walking towards your bedroom.

Erik goes to the kitchen.  “Bet, dinner bout to be ready when you come out.  You got some deli meat, or some taquitos, or somethin?”

You yell from the other room.  “Wash your hands before you go in the fridge Erik!”  He scoffs as he stands at the sink grabbing soap.

Getting in the bathroom, you look at yourself in the mirror breathing out deeply and rubbing your temples.  The day was finally catching up to you as you tried not to think about it for so long. You leaned on the sink thinking about everything that happened, and a cloud of guilt settled over your heart.  Someone died tonight, and you were here having a sleepover? While Marie sat in jail? You knew it wasn’t completely your fault, but you couldn’t help but feel the weight of what little bit you could be blamed for.  You turn on the shower before your tears start to blur your vision, stripping your clothes and getting in the warm stream of water to wash away your stress. You thought about how unfair it’s been to be handed this amount of strife in your life and what it all must mean in the grand scheme of things.  Just once, you wanted to feel good without a freight train of suck hitting you on the refractory period. You thought about Erik in there, being sweet and how easily it could be to climb on top of him and melt with him in an oasis of pleasure but that’s not what you wanted the relationship to be. You fucked him once out of vulnerability and lust, came close just because you wanted to stop thinking about your arrest, and now it would be to keep Sister Helen’s dead eyes from burning into your brain.  You couldn’t do that to yourself, or him, especially with him talking about claiming you and showing you how good of a man he could be. No, you wanted to be a better woman for him.

Getting out of the shower, you dry off and clothe yourself as you hear Martin being played on the TV.  When you make it to the living room, you see Erik smacking on some chips with his feet up.

“Hey!  You had some wings in the freezer and tater tots I’m still heating up if you want some.”  He says looking back at you.

You smile back, feeling less than social all of a sudden and wishing you had put your foot down about inviting him over.  “Ok, uh, you eat all you want. I’m just going to go to bed. I’m more tired than I am hungry.”

Erik’s face drops a little as he looks back at the TV.  “Ok. You good though?”

Walking back to your room you say.  “Uh huh, get your feet off my couch.”

Erik kisses his teeth, doing as you demanded and muttering under his breath,  “Yeah, you good.”

Laying down in bed, you stare at the wall wide eyed.  How did your exhaustion just leave you immediately following you laying down?  Your mind just wouldn’t stop racing, spinning like you’ve drank too much. Your eyes hurt, another reason you wanted to go to bed.  Closing them, ou willed your body to rest already, reminding it that it was all over now and it should stop attacking you; you weren’t sure when, but eventually you did drift off.

As you slept, you felt a dip in your body as if you were falling.   Darkness wrapped itself around your arms, waist, eyes, and mouth like a Kraken squeezing the life out of you.  A mean voice called out your name that was all too familiar as the echo of thunderous steps moved in closer on you.  The man bellowed your name as you struggled against monsters grip, growing weak from not being able to breathe properly.

You feel yourself shaking as your voice is found, body jerking uncontrollably as you wake.  Erik is beside you in your bed, looking down at you alarmed.

“(Y/N)!  Come on, wake up.  It’s me! Chill, you good!”

It takes you a minute but you still yourself, recognizing your surroundings as you gasp to catch your breath.

“What happened?  Why are you here?”  you ask flatly.

Erik sits up scratching his head.  “You get amnesia or somethin?”

You lay back on your pillow covering your eyes.  “Erik, I mean in bed. What’re you doing?”

Erik clicks his tongue.  “Your screaming woke my ass right on up.  I ran in to check and you were doing exorcist flips in here.”

You turn over and dismiss him.  “Ok, thanks.”

The bed doesn’t shift, indicating his defiance.  “Sooo, you not about to talk about what’s got you freakin out?”

You remain still, hoping he’d think you fell asleep and he’d leave you be.  No way you were diving into the cesspool that was your thoughts at this time of night.  The bed shifts as you anticipate him leaving, instead feeling his arm around your waist.

Swatting at his hand you exclaim, “Oh my God! I said-”

“No funny business, right.  I remember. Ain’t nothing funny bout this, you goin through it.  I’m not leaving you alone with this. If you not talkin now, we’ll do it later.  Right now though? We restin, so take yo ass to sleep.”

Erik snuggles up to you, not too much though, just enough to comfortably have contact with you without the pressure.  Your body slowly relaxes beside him when your realize his intention and close your eyes tightly, thanking God to a moment of calm.  

“What’s this on your shoulder?”  Erik asks softly, his finger tip grazing your exposed skin in your tank top.

“You don’t remember?” you ask.  When a moment of silence passes, you continue.  “Remember when I took the last ice cream at the back to school rally?”

He groans, recollecting his memories.  “My strawberry crunch…”

You chuckle, looking back at him.  “Mhm. You were pissed, and didn’t wanna settle for a bomb pop.  Next thing I know, you push me and I trip, falling back on a fire hydrant.”

“I got in a LOT of trouble that day.  Shit, I was mannish.”

“Pssh, was?”  you say under your breath.  “You were a crybaby over it more than me, apologizing and asking if I was ok and you didn’t mean it, blah blah blah…”

Suddenly you feel a soft, fuller touch to your shoulder.  A second peck confirmed it as a kiss, the soft smack filling the silence of the room.  Your breath became shallow as your body froze from the intimacy.

“I’m sorry…”  He whispers between one kiss and another, before pulling you into him again as he settles in to sleep.  He wasn't just apologizing for the scar, you knew.

Your hand met his on your waist as you whispered that it was ok, you were ok.  It wasn’t a complete truth, but in the moment it felt like one.

\--

A couple hours before you have to get up, Erik wakes you to announce his departure.  He needed to freshen up at his place before meeting you at church that day.

“We gonna talk later, ok?”  He asks, eyes bearing into you that made it hard to not comply.

You nod wordlessly, caressing his face as you maneuver his face to your to taste his sweet lips on yours.  You never felt like a fool when he was beside you, the world not so bad when he touched you. His patience was growing every second, and you hoped you wouldn’t wear it out too soon.

When you break from his kiss he chuckles.  “I can hear you thinkin, girl. I don’t mind this, but you better put those lips to real use instead of tryna seducing me.”

You smirk, shrugging.  “I have no clue what you mean.”

He looks at you goofily, knowing that was some bull, dismissing himself from you as he left your place.  You tried getting a few more zzzs in but it was no use without Erik there, so you just get up and take some extra time to get dressed.  Your mom texts you later on to make sure you were going to be at church, and you confirm, reminding yourself to tell her to chill with texting Erik without your knowledge.

When you get to church, you suddenly feel nervous.  Walking up the steps you see your mother come out the door to greet you in a lime green church suit with matching hat.

“Baby!  Did you hear?  Sister Helen passed!”

Your heart drops in your stomach.  It already felt like ages ago, but clearly you forgot to fill her in on the matter.

“Uhh...oh.  I’m sorry to hear that…”  you say softly.

Your mother looks at you oddly but before she can grill you, Sister Gladys comes out.  

“Sister (Y/N).  I need to see you for a moment.”  She excuses herself in front of your mother before leading you inside towards the Sunday School rooms, now empty since letting out for afternoon service.  Opening a door, you see Erik sitting in his Sunday best: grey jacket with a yellow pocket square, light blue button down with a dark wash jean. He was sitting with his chin in his hand looking like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

“Hey, what’s...going on?  Erik?” You ask walking up to him, laying a hand on his shoulder as he hugs you around your waist.  “How’s your shoulder?”

Erik shrugs.  “I gotta take some antibiotics or whatever to knock back a little infection, but it’s all good.  You rest alright?”

Before you could answer, Sister Gladys digs in to the both of you.  “So, what the hell was going on that made Sister Helen croak, and Marie in jail?”

Your mouth moves a bit but nothing comes out.  Where could you honestly begin with what happened?  Sister Gladys didn’t know ANYTHING about what’s happened til this point, no more than the church did anyway.  Erik clears his throat to give her a rundown on every detail of their moments up until now. Sister Gladys looks gobsmacked by the end of it.

She looks at you, arms folded.  “And you had no mind to tell me about any of this up until now?  Hell, not even now! What do you all think you were doing trying to trap her like that?!”

“It was the only way to get her to talk!  She already had cops and shit on us. I went to jail!  Did you miss that part?” You ask Sister Gladys, on hand on your hip for amplified affect.  

Sister Gladys gives you a look to not try her, and you retreat.  “I’m sorry about my tone, but please, you gotta understand. She is out here ruining both of our lives on some brokenhearted, stalker bullshit because her mind got fucked up by her wretched ass granny!”

“Baby, come on, language.  This God’s house.” Erik whispers at you.

“Erik, not now!”  You scold him.

The swell of music from the sanctuary indicated that it was almost time for service to begin. Sister Gladys checks her watch, rolling her eyes.  “Look you two. I have a nephew, he is a lawyer. He can help with this warrant out on you for the time being, run a case for you against Marie so her lies can’t stick you behind bars.  I’m going to call him up, but Erik, you gotta turn yourself in.”

Erik jumps up.  “Fuck that! I ain’t lettin them take me to jail, is you crazy?”

Sister Gladys marches up to him, finger in his face.  “You have a serious charge on you and a piece of paper following you that says they can take you whenever they find you.  Now I don’t know what the hell needs to be done to get them charges dropped, but you sure as hell making it more difficult lying to their face and avoiding them this long.  The truth will get you out, you have to trust in that.”

Erik looks over at you as you reach for his hand with concern.  “Whatchu think?” He asks you.

You look from him to Sister Gladys, closing your eyes tightly to keep the tears from forming.  “I think you gotta go Erik, she isn’t wrong. No way you can be out here like usual, living in your spot, they could knock on your door any day..”  Erik looks up at the ceiling taking a deep breath.

Erik shakes his head indignant.  “You don’t understand, my mama died in prison.  Who the fuck says that won’t be me.”

You reach for the back of his head, pulling him so his forehead meets yours.  You honestly didn’t know what the hell to do. Erik’s safety was the endgame, he fucked up along the way but he didn’t deserve this.  You could practically hear his heart beating fast as you looked up at his face, strained with stress but trying his best to remain calm.  When you pull away you see Sister Gladys wiping her eyes. “Ok baby, come on. Let’s head up to service.”

As you all sit in the sanctuary, the pastor gives a sermon on the apostle Peter in prison.

“We all know this story, and it’s rather short, but we know come of the shortest verses in the Bible are the most powerful.  God can hit you with some facts not printer in 280 characters or less too, amen? But in the times we’re living in today it is easy to give up and feel hopeless and helpless given the climate of evil surrounding us.  For that I wish you to reference Apostle Peter and the attempt of King Herod to shut down and shut out God’s people from prospering. He did not like hearing people going against his regimen of false idols, so he just locks his opponents up, executes them, whatever it takes to make sure his word is the only one allowed of influence.  

Sound familiar?  But it is important to note that when Peter was put in prison, he did not see it as an end, or that God forsake him.  No, he found even more strength in being locked away. He dug his heels in and grew in praise of his God with the prayers of those who loved him keeping him up in hope.  So when an angel came to him and broke his chains, opening the prison doors, Peter followed out of prison obedient to the end. In that moment Peter was vilified, knowing for a fact that his God saved him from a horrible death because of his faithfulness.  Saints, when you are in the depths of woe, completely shut out from the world for all that is built up against you, remember that God’s love never leaves you. You are His child, no matter what you have done or been through, He loves us all. And like Peter, He fights our battles, protects us from our enemies.  Even when we think we are shackled and locked up without a key to freedom, God breaks them and tears open the gates for us!”

The church erupts in cheers and shouts, applauding the Pastor’s words  as the band strikes up a tune for people to dance to. Your grip Erik’s hand in yours as the message resonates with you.  He still looks sick in the face but nods as he listens.

Your mind kept going back and forth between the sermon and your situation with Erik.  Right before the church was dismissed you tap Erik to follow you out. Sister Gladys peers at you both suspiciously as you all walked out.  Once you both got outside you pulled Erik along as you jogged.

“Whoa, the hell are you doin?  Why you runnin?”

Going to your car, you look around you.  “You need to get to your place and grab some stuff.  I want you with me for the time bein.”

Erik blinks a couple times.  “Whatchu mean? What about all that shit Sister Gladys was talkin, you not for that?”

You snap around to face him.  “Hell no! She just tryna do things by the book, but that doesn’t always work.  Far as I’m concerned, that’s accepting guilt. So you’re gonna be with me til this blows over.  Drive your car by mine and I’ll drive you to your place.”

After tailing it to your place, you drive Erik by his, feeling your nerves on end, giving you a slight headache.  Erik reaches for your hand, kissing it. “We got this, babe.” As if he read your mind, you nod keeping yourself from falling apart over the plan you were still constructing.  

Rounding the corner to his, Erik instantly leans back in the passenger seat.  You see two squad cars sitting outside his complex, three cops walking out from the building chatting with each other.  You put your foot to the floor, speeding out as legally as possible to avoid notice.


	9. Chapter 9

* * *

“Aye aye, relax for a second.  Be cool.” Erik says, resting his hand on the back of your headrest.

You are on autopilot, fully focused on the road but your mind kept racing elsewhere.  The police were already looking for Erik, how long until they came to find him with you?

His voice rises with your acceleration.  “(Y/N)? Pull over if you finna act like this-”

“Act like someone that’s tryna get away from the bastards working with Marie’s story?  She obviously hasn’t dropped that shit! Fuck her and her grandma, man!” You slam on the brakes in the middle of the road, beating on the steering wheel.  You want to scream, you want to stop the stress from throbbing in your skull. Why were you not catching a break?

Erik fights through your punches to hold your hands down as you break down.  You felt as if you were inhaling flames, pain rushing to your chest as you hyperventilate.  

Erik spoke to you softly as he could.  “This ain’t you, girl. You gotta calm down, this ain’t the time to be doin this.”

A car honks behind your car, Erik turns to look out the back window.

“I’m driving, you move over here.”  

You do as he tells you, climbing over the middle arm rest to go to the passenger side and Erik takes the driver's seat, zooming down the road to your place.  

“Erik, slow down.”  you moan, having calmed down but the residual effects of your anxiety attack hang heavy on you and you feel nauseous.

He checks his blindspot wildly before ripping around a corner.  “Ain’t no worse than sitting in the middle of the street.”

Pulling up to your spot, Erik and you walk inside, feeling a false sense of relief.  You put your hand above your head, pacing the floor.

Erik leans against a wall staring off into space.  “Maybe I should turn myself in, (Y/N). You don’t need my heat on you too.”

You exhale deeply, feeling tears well up.  “I don’t have time to go over this again with you.  Marie isn’t winning this. They have her, she’ll have to clear things up.”

“What if she don’t though?  Just cuz of that shit at Helen’s went down, don’t mean that prior shit is wiped clean too.”

You stand still, feeling yourself grow angry.  “It will. They’re gonna see she’s crazy, and it won’t be an issue, I know it.”

Erik pushes off the wall, placing his hands on his hips in deep thought.  It’s not often you find him at a loss of words for a rebuttal, you study his body language as he turns from you.  You talk to him, attempting to pull him out of whatever headspace he’s in.

You step up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder to turn him around.  “Now

if Gladys doesn’t kill us first for running off, she has that nephew of hers that could be of help.  We talk to him first before we do anything, go it?”

Your finger points in his face for emphasis.  Erik looks stone faced, jaw tight as his eyes glaze over while he dissects your words.  Soon he nods, giving you a feeling of accomplishment. You pat his face, straining a smile as you pull him in for a hug.  His arms drape around your body, and for a few seconds, you feel like the world isn’t out to get you.

“I gotta go back to my place though…” Erik mutters behind your ear.

You snap your neck back to look at him.  “Nah, that ain’t it. What the fuck did I just say?”

Erik sighs walking over to plop on the couch, looking suddenly relaxed.  “If we gonna be on the lam, I gotta have some stuff to make things comfortable for me.”

“Erik, you can get underwear at the Walgreens or whatever, so make it plain.  What’re you talking about?”

Erik turns on your TV, legs jumping as he sat.  “I need stuff, sweetheart. That’s it.”

You cock your head to the side peering at him.  “You gettin a gun or somethin?”

Erik looks over the remote buttons to make his selection as he points it at the TV, casually  ignoring your question.

“Erik Stevens, do not-”

“I got guns, damn!  Ok, yeah, wouldn’t you want one after all the shit we been through?  You needed mine to save my life! I ain’t givin my shit up if they get warrant to search my shit.”

You stare at the ceiling, asking God for mercy.  “No way in hell are you going alone then. I’ll be there in case, like a lookout!”

Erik guffaws in a way you don’t like, sitting up to look at you cockily.  “Not with your nervous ass! Listen, I love you but you can’t handle much more stress right now.  I’m bout to call your mama on you.”

You cross your arms walking in front of him.  “How dare you say you love me while insulting me.  I been cooler than cool through this whole situation!  I’m not rattling over some police surveillance!”

Erik holds his arms out as you walk into them hesistantly, resting his head on your belly, talking into it.  “You didn’t see how you were bucking in that bed, shouting in the dark at nothing. I didn’t know what was wrong with you, you sure as hell didn’t tell me.”  He looks up at you with an expression that could melt the moon. “I won’t be long. Imma get my other wallet so we can have money for shit, some ammo, pants. That’s it.  In, out, done.” You sit there looking over him stoically, mind completely blank. You’ve been overthinking so much, your brain has circled around to not functioning. Or maybe it was his face that took you there.

Erik raises his eyebrows expectantly, bobbing his head around waiting on you.  “I looove youuu…” He says in a sing songy voice.

You roll your eyes, laying a hand on top of his head, sliding it down towards his scraggly beard.  “I know.”

“Ahhh!  You a trip!”  Erik says, clenching his teeth as he takes ahold of you sides, tickling you onto his lap.  

“Erik stop!  No! I’m not playi- HAHA!”  You couldn’t help it, he knew where to touch you and you were putty.  He didn’t know when to quit either, except when your elbow jerked one way too close to his jaw.  

Erik’s face snaps back as he holds his mouth.  “Damn, man!”

You get off of him to look at his face best you could.  “Oh no, Erik! I’m sorry!”

Erik’s eyes look slightly watery as you see some redness on his lips as he talks.  “You gotta haul off and pop my ass like that?”

“I said my bad, and I told you to quit!”  You say meekly as you take his face to see how bad it is.

“Nah, you wanna put my ass in the hospital again, I know.”  He says through his teeth, looking pitiful.

You tut at him, letting his face go to get a paper towel from the kitchen.  “Nothing broke, that’s for sure. You flapping your gums, no problem.”

Handing him the paper towel, Erik wipes his mouth  little. “Shit...maybe you should go with me. You got a helluva arm.”

You plop yourself down next to him looking over at him, playing mindlessly in his locs.  “That’s all I’m asking! It’d make me feel a whole lot better just knowing you not walkin into a trap.”

Erik looks at you sideways kissing his teeth.  “Maybe. That’s a big problem I have with you though.”

Looking through his hair, you start twirling some of his outgrown locs.  “Hm?”

Erik tosses the towel on the table, looking at over at you tiredly.  “You real protective, you know? Ever since I met you, you keep tryna look out for me, advise me.  Shit, you literally stepped between me and a gun, (Y/N).”

You’re caught up in his hair, not paying attention fully to his speech.  “No problem, baby. Anytime.”

Erik moves his head from your hand, turning towards you more to look you square in your eyes.  His eyebrows furrowed as commanded your attention, you finally felt the weight of his words. “You remember I told you what I used to be?  I don’t need your help to protect me, I been training for bigger shit than this, you don’t know the half of it.”

You swallow hard, nodding.  “You haven’t told me much about it.  And that ain’t fair, who am I to you?  One thing you may not understand about me, is I stand by what I believe in.  I give my whole self into a problem until its fixed.”

Erik leans back again, shaking his head.  “See, that’s what I worried about; being a damn problem.”

“And you’re not!  Erik...This isn’t just about you no more.  This involves me, I was in the same situations as you, seen the same shit.  The police, Marie, all tried to come for me too.”

“Because of me.” Erik said curtly.  “Just admit that much.  Your life would be easier without me fuckin around in it.  Come on, gimme that one thing.”

Your heart  rate reaches its peak.  “Because I chose to be there!  I coulda been just your mentor, hell I coulda let someone else take my spot, but I didn’t.  We didn’t have to get intimate, we didn’t have to be friends, I didn’t have to go over to your place to ball or see you in the hospital.  I have had a LOT of chances to just back up and say I am done. But I haven’t! I remember what you told me before, I do. And I can’t believe it if it wasn’t for the scars, because you have been the sweetest man to me.  You listen too, which is a plus, whether you follow shit I say is another discussion.”

Erik’s shoulders bounce as he chuckles,  looking over at you with clouded eyes. You feel yourself getting warm, lost in his eyes and leaning your head back on the couch just to stare at him a while.

“I wish you did know who I was, who I am still.  I used to worry like you, have nightmares, tried to be everyone’s Superman but I got numb to the shit real quick.  Didn’t take long growing up where we were.”

You rub his arm to comfort him.  “When your dad died, you went into foster care right?”  Erik nods, still looking at you but his focus elsewhere now.  “The one time I saw you after you lost your parents, I was at the supermarket with my mother, probably begging her for some dollar toy near the register.  I looked back and saw you in the ice cream aisle, alone. I was so excited to see you, I started to go over to you until I saw this white woman call your name out on the other side of the aisle.  She looked like one of the mom’s in the commercials, mostly cuz she was white.”

Erik looked away raising his eyebrows.  “Yeah, I remember Ms. Phillips, damn.”

“I thought wow, he got with like a Cinderella princess or something.  I always assumed white folks all lived in the good part of town, even the ones that went to our church on the whole other side.  I thought you were lucky, that you were gonna be some preppy, uppity negro.”

Erik smiled, flashing them golds.  “Nah, nah, never that. You can take a kid out of Oakland but you can’t the Oakland out the kid.  Ms. Phillips was one of those career parents. She got kickbacks, and when you got one her nerves, she send you back.  I was like that Harry Potter dude most of the time; had a spot in a corner of the basement that I stayed in cuz the rest of the time I was free labor while her kids played and made fun of me.”

Your heart dropped.  “I didn’t mean to bring that up, I’m sorry-”

Erik moves to lay his head on your lap, hands on his chest like it’s a therapy session.  “Nah, it’s cool. Airing shit out healthy right? So it all started when this little girl made fun of my kicks right?  She had skin just like chocolate turtles my Mom liked, but she wasn’t as sweet, but I’m a nice guy…”

You get back into his hair, twisting to keep your hands busy.  “Wait, who is this?”

“So I couldn’t let it rock that she dogged out my shoes, so I came up behind her while she turning the jumprope at recess and snatched one of her barretts out her hair.”

“Oh my God, not my bobbles!”  you exclaim, gripping his locs at the root.

“Ah!  Easy! It was self defense, I had to protect my street cred.”  Erik says laughing, reaching for your curls to demonstrate but you swerve on him.

“Uh uh!  We ain’t kids no more dude, fuck on with that.  Sit still, your hair is a damn mess.” You scold him.

Erik tweaks his mouth, but complies.  “You makin it a mess.” He mutters.

You giggle, continuing your project on his big head.  “I wish I coulda seen you as a teenager. You probably were a full fledged mess.”

Erik shrugs.  “I was a young kid doing young kid shit.  The type of nigga mom’s keep their daughters away from, but it wasn’t my damn fault most of the time.  They chased me!”

“Uh huh, ok.  Maybe it’s good then we didn’t have time together then.  Probably woulda been a teenage mom.”

Erik looks up at you excitedly.  “That ain’t a bad thing, baby girl!  Shit, probably woulda kept my ass more grounded, having a kid.”

“Pssh, please.  You woulda been the only teenage nigga on the block taking care of things.”  You say unconvinced of his abilities.

Erik closes his eyes, sihing deeply.  “I ain’t lyin. I had a good dad, I know what one looks like.  I woulda been a good one just like him.”

You pause, tracing the features on his face as he begins to relax laying on your lap.  “Yeah your dad was real cool. Spend five minutes with him picking you up from youth church and he taught us about history and science shit better than our teachers at school did.  He had these candies too that lasted forever and tasted amazing, I could never find them in stores. I’d beg my mama.”

“Those were iilekese, they were just some simple sugar shit from Wakanda.  But it wasn’t high fructose, so it was extra good.” Erik speaks slowly, eyes still closed and seemingly beginning to drift off.

“Oh, I didn’t know.”  You say quietly.

Erik yawns.  “I bet I told you, probably didn’t believe me though.”

You bite your lip, running your fingers along his locs guiltily.  You definitely wouldn’t have believed him back then if that’s what he told you.  Staring at him as you both lulled into silence, you sat back, resting your other hand on his chest.  His heartbeat is slow, breathing long and deep, catching some light snoring in his throat.

Erik gives you so many mixed emotions inside that you are constantly trying to work out.  His trepidations about your loyalty weren’t completely left field. It crossed your mind plenty of times to leave him be, specifically when you were just getting to know him again.  You had a rocky start, spurred on by forces you still couldn’t understand. But seeing him laid in your lap, devoted to you, the only thing stopping things is his doubt of what you all could be.  And it seems the more you try to convince him you weren’t going anywhere, the more you felt him moving far from you.

You lay your head back, closing your eyes as the warmth from his head and shoulders on your lap circulated across your legs comfortably.  Your stress melts away so easily when he is near you, maybe that’s what makes it so easy fight for what you have.

By the time your eyes are opening again, the sun is setting and the light from the TV is blinking as you turn it off.  You barely notice the coolness of your lap until you reach down and only feel your legs.

“Erik?”  You call out, rubbing your eyes to look to your bedroom.  Maybe he needed to stretch out some to get more comfortable.  

But he wasn’t there.  You call out to him again, knocking on the bathroom door before opening it.  You start to panic, getting your phone to call him, as it rings you go to your window to check where your car is parked and it’s gone.

As the phone trills in your ear, you get his voicemail message, cursing as you end the call. Your breathing becomes erratic as you open the front door to look around, in case of the off chance you parked different than where you remember.  Erik is gone, your car is gone for who knows how the fuck long and where, but his remained. Erik didn’t want you to go with him to his apartment but would he leave to save himself with your car? Without a word?

Just then your phone rings, jolting your body back from the inner maze of your mind.  Looking at the phone you kiss your teeth as you go back inside to take the call.

“Hey, mom.”

“Hey baby!  I don’t want to take too much of your time, I was just wanting to see if you wanted to get dinner or something to talk?  I was gonna ask you after service but you and Erik left in a hurry, I couldn’t catch you.”

You plop on the couch, trying your best to keep your voice from quivering.  “Nah, tonight isn’t a good night for it.”

“Oh?  Ok, well I understand if you got plans with your little boyfriend, but I would like to talk to you sometime.  Sister Gladys had just called me to ask you about some things. She wouldn’t go into it, but she sounded kind of rough about it.”

You held your head in your hands, feeling yourself beginning to crumble.

“(Y/N)?  Are you still there?”  Your mother said distantly as you held the phone away.  Wiping your face you take a deep breath.

“No, yeah, I’m still here.  Listen, I’ll call Gladys back, and we can talk tomorrow, ok?”

“Ok, baby.   Love you.” Your mother’s voice had some hesitation in it that you wish wasn’t there.  She always knew when things weren’t great with you, but you didn’t have time to unpack that now.

You go through your contacts to Sister Gladys’ number and dial her.  As much as you didn’t want to talk to her now, you’d rather get it out of the way.  

“She picked up on the second ring.  “Young lady!”

Her tone smacked you in the ear quick.  You get up, feeling too nervous to sit. “Sister Gladys, I know, please-”

“Do not come to me with pleas of mercy!  I am not God, and I never claim to be. I have some words for you and that boy that I’m gonna have to ask God to look past later!  Who gave you the nerve-”

You couldn’t take this barrage ofattacks, not today, not now.  “Sister, let me tell you-”

“You don’t have to tell me about running from the law, I know exactly what you all are up to!  You are making this ten times WORSE for yourselves! You’re aiding and abetting child, you want to know what jail is about?”

“I already seen it, Sister, ok!  You don’t have to tell me, I don’t want that for us, that’s why we’re running!”

You hear her sigh, finally taking a breath from reaching through the phone to strangle you.  “I’m sorry, I forgot about that. I just...sweetie, there is not excuse for being out here with the police on your tail.  Not even Jesus fought his captors from taking HIm, and he was the most innocent of the innocent!”

You lean on your kitchen counter, picking as an old food stain.  “I know, but this isn’t God’s will. No way. Erik is being framed and I won’t let…”  Your voice trails off as you look around the room alone, defending a person you can’t even tab right now.

“What?  Is something wrong?”  Sister Gladys asks. You couldn’t hide how you were feeling much longer, especially from Sister Gladys.  She’s been along for the ride just as much.

“When me and Erik left the church, he was going to go to his place and get some things, but...cops were leaving his building soon as we were pulling up.”

“Oh my God!  Is he arrested??”  She asks, practically wailing.

“No...well I don’t think so.  We left without being seen, but now I don’t know where he is.”

Sister Gladys stutters for a second.  “Ok, so you’re missing some pieces here.  What happened between leaving and him going missing?”

“We just came back to my spot and hung out!   And I told him, Sister Gladys, I begged him not to go without me.  I really didn’t want him to go at all. He talkin about getting his gun for protection.”

“He’s a damn fool.  If they catch him with that on him, he won’t need a trial, guilty is his only option.”  Sister Gladys hisses.

“That’s why I told him no, but he said he wouldn’t leave without me and now he’s gone with my car!  I don’t know why he ain’t took his!”

“Wha- he...How long has he been gone with your car?”  Sister Gladys asks. You hear her grabbing for thing in the background.  

“Sister Gladys, promise me you aren’t calling anyone about this.  I don’t want the police involved, that’s the whole point in this.”

“You really sticking to to that method of operation huh?  After all of this?”

You remain defiant.  “I don’t like the tone you have.  Sister, I am dead serious about this.  Do not call them.” Your tone is low and slow, deliberately to get your point across and it appears to work as you hear her breathe out.

“I do not understand the two of you, but fine!  I just don’t want him dragging you down. I get what’s happening but I know you and I can’t see you get put up for his mess!”

You hear a click and see his name pop up calling you.

“Erik isn’t doing anything shady, I am certain of it.  Thank you though. Please do not get an opinion of him from what has happened right now.  I feel like you are getting mean when it comes to him.”

“I am not being mean, just cautious.  This young man has trailed a whole lot of mess behind him since coming in here, I just want to be certain you do not get caught up in it deeper than you are.  This is serious (Y/N).”

“I’m aware.  Listen, I have to go, you just pretend this hasn’t happened.  If you don’t hear from me, assume no news is good news. I just hope he don’t make me have to call the jails.”  You say, grabbing your shoes and jacket.

“You can say that again.  Be careful hun.”

You click over to Erik as quick as you can.  “Hey! Where’d you go?”

“I know, I’m sorry I left you like that, but I just wanted to get my stuff and come right back.  I thought I’d beat you waking up.” Erik says.

“Goddamit, Erik.”  You put him on speaker as you order a ride to pick you up.  “With my car though?”

“Yeah, mine was low on gas and it’s a far drive, mine wouldn’t make it.”

Your car would be arriving in two minutes.  “Ok, Jody. Don’t get too comfortable using my car for shit without asking.”

Erik scoffs.  “Trust me, I won’t.  You gotta clean this bucket out sometime, keep it decent at least.”

You kiss your teeth.  “Whatever. Hell, you coulda left a note or something telling me where you were.”

“I know, my bad, princess.   I just be goin sometimes. When I wanna do something, I do it, you know?”

You phone pings that your car has arrived.  “Ok, well I wanna do something too. So meet me at the church gym.”

Erik pauses.  “What’s there at this hour?”

You lock your door, bounding down the stairs.  “Askin all these questions, just be there, aight?”

Erik agrees as you all hang up.  

You feel more at ease knowing he was safe and ornery as usual.  But you were too wired up to just sit around your place, you needed some air and you wanted to get to the bottom of some things with Erik.

Pulling up to the gym, you see your car parked along the side, Erik standing beside it.  He smiles at you as you walk towards him with your hand out.

“Yes ma’am, here your keys back.  Thank you.” He says sarcastically, dropping them in your hand.  You look around the vehicle inspecting it. “Oh, please. Your car been had cellulite before I hopped in it.  Don’t start tripping.”

You remain calm, nodding.  “Nobody trippin. Come on and follow me.”

You lead him around the back of the gym, to a door that is notoriously left unlocked because the lock jams incorrectly.

“You mean I could post up in here whenever?   Why ain’t they fix this? All they need is some WD and-”

“Fix it then.”  You say curtly, walking across the gym floor.

Erik stares into your back, voice echoing across the way.  “Are you aight? I can’t tell if you mad or what.”

You open a closet, flipping on a light.  The closet with old awards and albums you went in before you knew who Erik was.  You pick up a book, flipping through the pages when you feel Erik walk up behind you.

“What’re you doin in here?”  He asks, looking over your shoulder.

You stop on a page, pointing.  “You see this picture? From the annual picnic we used to have?  Them your parents right?”

He holds the page with you looking closer as you watch for his reaction.  “Yeah...that is. Damn that was a while ago.”

“Yeah it was.  I wish they still did them.”  You both stare at the picture a moment.  “You kinda look more like your Mom to me.”

Erik lets out a quick laugh.  “I got that a lot. The church ladies would grab my cheek and be like ‘ohhh, you’ll be a handful when you’re grown.’”  Erik says, picking up a different souvenir book.

“How did your mom die in prison?”  You ask outright. There was no way you could ease into it, so you just went for it.

Erik stands back, blinking at you.  “You get a kick outta askin folks about their tragedy?”

You shrug.  “I wouldn’t if there was none.  I’m serious, tell me about her. I hadn’t heard you talk about her yet.”

Erik turns to lean on a table, crossing his hands in front of him.  “She was the strongest woman I knew. She didn’t take shit off of nobody, popped my big head in a minute if I was being mannish.”  He scratches a familiar spot on the back of his head. “She gave my father a run for his money; something special to make a monarch run after you instead of the other way around.”

“I know they seemed nice, from what I remember.  She was beautiful.”

Erik nods, looking at you.  “They were both radicals, down for the cause during a dangerous time.  But they wanted to protect themselves and their own so, they stocked up with some help from a uncle of mine.  Not all of it was legal though, so when she went in, her light just….diminished. I only visited her once and she was sooo different.”  As Erik leans his head back, you pat his shoulder. “And honestly, I don’t know what happened to this day. They said suicide, but I don’t see it.  She promised me she’d get out and see me again. She never lied, never wanted to.”

You lay your chin on his shoulder, talking softly.  “I can’t imagine going through that. Seeing both of your parents go, so early in life.”

“Like I said before, I got numb to it.  Never letting my shit go above the surface, it just lays in me dormant until I gotta let it go.  My mama talked to me about God being a refuge when you’re weary, I was too young to understand when I first knew, but I was ready when I came to church that day.”  Erik takes your hands in his, looking at your fingers as he played with them nervously. “And when I saw you, that was like a sign straight from him. I came off cocky and shit but I was off balance around you.  And as time went on I kept feeling this quick familiarity I hadn’t felt since...my mom left.”

You breathed in sharply at this confession.  “That’s huge man.”

Erik smiles weakly, looking at you with heavy eyes.  “You tellin me. I don’t need that light leaving you too, (Y/N).  From your past, you got shit you still ain’t talked to me about, and now there’s shit happening, I don’t want that for you.  So when I tell you I’m going to do something and I want you to stay out of it, that’s where I’m coming from. I could send you somewhere now if you wanted, don’t have to look back until shit settles.”

“But I don’t want-”

“But you don’t want too, I know.  Just don’t take offense if I trick you, I’ll leave a note next time though, swear.”  Erik raises his hand in honor.

You wrap your arms around his neck, breathing him in, shadows casting across his eyes and nose in the low light of the musty closet.   It made more sense to you the more you talked to him why he got this lone wolf way of living, why he doesn’t see himself worthy of being with you.  He’s been picked apart to the bone all his life and just keeps it pushing, he doesn’t want to see that on anyone else.  

“I’ll take that. But you’re not leaving me right now.”

You plant a kiss on his neck that makes him moan quietly, while your hands reach under his shirt to feel the bumpiness of his belly..  “You think so?”

You look at him biting your lip as you kiss the other side of his neck.  “Mhm. Cuz you said so.”

You feel his excitement against your stomach as he licks his lips.  “I don’t recall alldat.”

You bring your face to his, tasting his lips one at a time as your hand snakes down to grip him through his pants.  “‘I love you’, remember?”

Erik curses under his breath, hips pushing his erection against your hand impatiently.  “Ain’t you sweet to say it first.”

You move back from him, insulted.  “Uh uh, that was you!”

Erik leans over you, grabbing your waist to close the distance again.  “Fuckin right it was. Bout damn time you said it back.” He kisses you deeply, taking your soul with his mouth as you both feverishly snatch at each other’s bottom halves.  You waste no time, undoing Erik’s pants, dick flipping out and ready to go. This will have to be a quick one.

You step back to get your pants and draws off.  “You got any on you?”

Erik checks his wallet and pockets.  “Shit, nah, not on me. You?”

You had your panties halfway down your thighs before you looked at him with deep seeded disappointment.  “What?! Damn, Erik!” You pull your draws and pants back up, heading for the door.

“Where you goin?!”  Erik calls out, getting up.  

“Hell, to take a shower.”  You say sharply. It wasn’t like you weren’t on birth control, you just feel like raw sex should happen after maybe at least the fifth go round?  Before you could button your pants, Erik’s hands wrap around yours pulling them above your head and holding them down.

“I ain’t had that ass in I don’t know how fuckin long.  A condom ain’t stoppin shit right now for me.”

You legs grow weak as you bend over, pressing your ass against him.  Thankful to feel his growth still bouncing against your backside.

“I’m clean, and I know that pussy clean, let me feel you.  Natural.”

He has touted how he had been waiting for you, claiming you while waiting on your go ahead.  It had been a while, you thought. And his vulnerability is your kryptonite.

“Ohhh k...”  You draw out out, feeling Erik’s other hand work your pants down again roughly.  His fingers caress your folds, his arousal bubbling over.

“Shit, I forgot how thick your lips are, just-”  Erik couldn’t complete his sentence before you felt him entering you from behind.  You squeal in alarm but it quickly turns into pleasure as his paces in and out of you rapidly as his balls abused your lips.

You didn't mean for it to go like this, not here and not now.  But you weren't thinking about anything sensibly soon as he touched you.  He's yours and you are his, and he would bury that truth in your guts faster than you could spell 'ok'.

“Shit, you got me sliding in like that?  Damn, that is love right there.” Erik growls as your walls sheath him snuggly.

That closet was your own eden for making love to him.  Your sex felt like a 'fuck you' to the world; no matter the obstacle, you two would have each other still, in the end. 

You grip the knob of the door tightly as you lose your arch in the intensity of your orgasm.  You weren’t very good at speaking in tongues but his stroke brought your fluency to 100% as his hips smacked your checks aggressively, holding your hands up against the door, pinning you in place.

“Ohh, that’s deep baby.”  You exclaim, mouth slacking wide from his length stampeding through your pussy.

Your phone begins to ring out, making you tense up a moment.

“Erik…”  You moan, not able to reach with his hands holding yours.

“Shit, don’t worry about that.  I’m close.” Erik grunts out loud.  You tighten around him, bouncing against his rhythm with what strength left you can muster.  “Gimme that nut, Erik. I got shit to do.” You moan forcibly.

“Fuuuck, oh Imma getchu for this laterrr…”  Erik groans, pulling out of you, rests his tip against your lips as he paints you pussy with his cum.  Finally letting your hands go, you collapse a little quicker than expected.

“Oh shit!  You aight?”  Erik asks, pulling his pants up best he could while tryna help you up.  The phone was still ringing as you swat his hands away to grab at it. It’s Sister Gladys.

“Hello?”  

“Hey, you clear things up with Erik yet?”

You pull your pants up, holding the phone on your shoulder.  “Yeah, I have. I told you, no news is good news.”

“Yeah, I know but listen.  Let him know I made an appointment with my nephew to see us tomorrow at the jail.  He thinks it might be beneficial to see Marie and where her head is at.”

You sober up at the thought, looking over at Erik who appeared confused.  “What do you mean? We can’t talk to her, we were involved in the situation. Is that legal?”

“No, not you all, I would talk to her.  I’m the only one that has some kind of neutrality here, since I know her and I wasn’t present for none of y’all spats.  I want you all nearby so we can discuss things after.”

You hold the phone, thinking things over a bit.  “Well, not Erik though, they could take him right there.”

“He can be in the car waiting.  I don’t expect him to just walk in.”

You cross your arms growing suspicious.  “Fine. I’ll be there and I’ll ask Erik about it.”

“Good.  Have a good night sweetie.”  

Hanging up, you look at Erik blankly.  “That was Sister Gladys.”

Erik’s body stiffens.  “Is she here or somethin?”

You shake your head.  “No. But come on, I need to walk and talk with you for a second.  Plus I still need a damn shower cuz of your ass.” You complain.

Erik smirks, following you out, never leaving from behind you as his eyes burned into your ass.  “I ain’t forgot you rushing me either, so you can forget that. I’ll just fuck your shit up again, on my time now.”  

Erik drives you back to your place, grabbing two bags of stuff from your trunk setting them in the middle of your living room.  Erik goes to the fridge to grab a water, gulping it down with a quickness.

“All that guns?”  You ask, only half joking.

Erik walks in, looking at you with slight contempt.  “Nooo. I put the rest in storage. That’s why I took long gettin back.”  He opens the bags, sifting through them, taking certain items out. “I got clothes and shit, some personal shit to keep fresh.  My dad’s book.” He pulls out the old book you looked over before about Wakanda. “If nothing else, this here was coming with me.”

He sets it down on your table as you head to the back to start your shower.

You didn’t even hear Erik behind you before he shuts off the water, leaving little space for you to breathe.  “There you go wastin water. First, tell me what Gladys said. You always pussyfoot around serious shit.”

You give him a face full of attitude, which he mimicked right back.  “She just said she set some time with her lawyer nephew and he wants up to meet him at the jail so we can talk about Marie.”

Erik starts to protest but you hold your hand up.  “Before you start, I’ve already said most of what you’re going to.  You can’t be there, too risky.”

Erik scratches his beard, breathing deeply.  “You think she tryna turn me in herself?”

You might as well have been a book.  Even Erik could read your innermost thoughts.  “When I talked to her earlier before I knew where you were, she was gung ho for calling the cops.  But I figured that was just nervousness.”

Erik cocks his head to the side, smacking his lips.  “Maybe. I ain’t steppin foot in there though. I’ll sit at McDonald’s nearby or somethin.”

You nod, shifting your weight as you spoke.  “You aren’t her favorite person right now, so it’s for sure she will throw you under the bus for me.  You think Marie will talk?”

Erik shrugs.  “Hell if I know.  She seemed like she was damn near brain dead when she got handcuffed.  I don’t know if she’s right in the head to say things straight. But swear to God, if Gladys is in on some bullshit…”

“She’s not!  I know it, I just know.”  Echoing what you told Sister Gladys about Erik.  But only one of them she was being truthful to.


	10. Chapter 10

You stretch yourself against the sheets and pillows of your bed, feeling more exhausted than restful even after a full night’s sleep.  Not only were the events of the prior day dancing around in your head, but some coaxing from Erik to relax and take your mind off of things only led to more activity than you imagined experiencing so late at night.

You study the sun’s rays peeking through your blind’s, creating grill marks on your skin as you twist your hand around, imagining yourself being a mutant with camouflage abilities.  Just normal, early in the morning daydream stuff.

A wide palm snakes around your midsection, followed by lips caressing your ear and jaw, trying their best to approach your lips.

“Mm!  No! You ain’t brushed your teeth yet!”  You exclaim, burying your face in the cool side of your pillow.  

Erik kisses his teeth, squeezing your sides to create an involuntary squirm within you that makes you face him, just like he wanted.  He looks like Lucifer himself filling you with temptation and shameful idolatry, falling from heaven with his locs pointing at you as he hovers over you; the golden sun outlining his frame as he looks into your eyes while tracing the borders of your face.  

“I just wanna say good morning.”  Erik says softly, before running his tongue softly against your chin.

You put your hand over his eyes, pushing him back.  “I don’t want your breath in my face, it stinks. And don’t think I ain’t forgot about you doing my laundry for me after you messing up my damn sheets.”  

Erik groans in momentary blindness before shaking your hand from his face, nipping at your fingertips.  “I got you, it’s whatever. But I swear you didn’t mind nothing bout my mouth just a few hours ago. What was in it, where it was, how you tasted on my tongue…”  

Erik massages your belly, bringing his face down to your exposed breast, peaking into his mouth as your body rolls up like a disturbed beetle from his suckling.  Just as your eyes begin to roll and your legs bend and part, your phone rings. 

Although Erik insists he can continue without disturbing the phone call, you shoo him away as your pick up the phone to talk to Sister Helen.

“Good morning, sweetie.  We gotta do this today if we wanna stay ahead of things.  Can you get down here in 45 minutes?”

You get up to put on a robe.  “Yeah, no problem. I was just getting ready to call and ask you when to meet.”

A ‘tsk’ from Erik made you whip your head around and put a finger to your lips as he laid back with his hands behind his head, rolling his eyes.

Sister Helen continues.  “Mhm. I know it’s none of my business, but is Erik still coming?”

You fold one arm over you, leaning on your dresser.  “Hell, you just told me about these plans. I don’t know what he’s doing in 45 minutes.”

“Oh, did he stay somewhere else for the night?  I thought you all were Bonnie and Clyding together.”  Helen says with a sharpness to her tongue.   
“Yeah, he got a room somewhere without telling me.”  You lie, looking at Erik as your blood pressure threatened your calm.

“I see.  I’d rather you keep an eye on him for the time being since he’s the main problem here.  I can’t risk him skipping out after all this work I’m putting in to help him.”

Your neck retracts, taking offense to her high mindedness.  “Yeah, and I know that, therefore he knows that. Don’t trip about it.  He’s got the message to lay low and ride this out. It’s under control, just make sure your nephew is ready for this.”  

Helen’s end is silent for a beat before answering.  “Fine. 35 minutes.” The call ends on that. You toss your phone on the side table of your bed.

Erik puts on some sweatpants, looking at you in that male way of trying to look cool while nervous.  “What’s she talking bout?”

You head to the bathroom quickly.  “It’s time to meet our knight in shining armor.”

\----

That morning, You and Erik drove separately towards the police station, him turning into a McDonald’s that was across the street.  As you pulled in the parking lot and up to the station you feel anxious coming into it again. You weren’t fully certain you could go in there comfortably, but the heat didn’t seem nearly as bad as Erik’s.

Sister Helen stands in the lobby area, looking more casual than normal, in jeans and a t-shirt.  She looks at you, and just as quickly, behind you. “Hey, Erik’s not with you?”

“I told you he can’t be here.  You knew that!” You say frustratedly.

Sister Helen shifts on her feet.  “Of course, sorry. My head is just frazzled with Helen’s funeral arrangements and this.  Are you guys holding up alright now?”

“Yeah.  Fine.” You say, answering her shortly.

Sister Helen reads your energy, trying to stay politically correct.  “Good. Let me know if you need anything. I wanna help.”

“This is a good start.  Where is your nephew? What’s his name?”

“Jackson, he’s in the back visiting, but that’s what I need to talk to you about too.  Marie wasn’t a big help.”

“You saw her already?”  You ask surprised. 

“I did.  She sat there, and spoke mostly nonsense.  Kept muttering to herself absentmindedly, she look like she got into a fight with herself, hair a mess, needed a tissue.  But once I gave up on her and they led her out, she looked back at me and...I swear she winked.”

“Winked?”

Sister Helen nods looking worried.  “I wouldn’t be surprised if she is still trying to spin things.  Make herself look insane so she can’t testify maybe? Make it seem like Erik had control over everything, I don’t know.”

Just then a man steps out from a door opened by a guard, carrying a briefcase in a vest and bowtie.  His loose curl pattern with the part on the side made him look like something out of the Harlem Renaissance.  

Sister Helen waves him over.  “Jackson, this is (Y/N). Her friend is nearby, couldn’t meet with us apparently.”

Jackson’s hazel eyes crinkle on the sides as he gives you a tight smile with a firm handshake.  “Good to finally meet you. I’m sorry it wasn’t on happier terms.”

“That’s ok.  I’m just happy to get some help.”  You say.

“Sure.  My Aunt Helen told me a bit about the situation.  Hate to hear about all that has happened to you folks, but I’m sure we will be able to get off clean.”  He digs in his pocket to present you with a business card. It’s matte black with an embedded white lady justice in the foreground, his name and office information in bold Time New Roman font.

“So, you really got nothing out of Marie about the whole situation?”  You ask.

Helen shakes her head.  “No, Well...she said something about he killed me, he killed me, over and over again.  I honestly can’t think of all that must be going on in her mind. Poor girl.”

You peer at her aggressively.  :Poor girl? The one that’s been lying and plotting for some petty revenge?  Who called a hit to kill someone without shame? How can you say poor her?”

Jackson raises his hands.  “Ok, now. Let’s calm down for a second to think about this, privately.”

Sister Helen continues.  “I didn’t mean for it to come off as insensitive, but think back to how she has been before.  You know as well as I do she is a different person altogether, and there’s only been one common denominator from then to now.”

You are heated.  “Helen, what do you want out of this?  Is it to help us or to help yourself get some kind of closure?  Because I think you’re beginning to mix the two.”

Sister Helen doesn’t back down.  “Child, they go hand in hand. Once you all decided to let that boy trample your right bodies, I can’t stop hearing Gladys warning us about his shifty ways.  I need to help YOU, and Marie. Not your little friend. If your stories are true, no harm will come to him.”

“So you still don’t believe us?  That Gladys and Marie’s cousin came and tried to KILL him and that her evil ass just got too excited and croaked when we found out and tried to confront her.”

“Ladies, keep your voices down…” Jackson whispers. 

“Gladys was a lot of things but I never saw her as hiring a hitman.  And you all overstepped coming to her in that way. I can’t see any sense in you all doing that.”  Her phone trills in her hand, before looking at you pointedly. “If you excuse me, this is the funeral parlor.”  

As Sister Helen walked away to take the call, Jackson awkwardly shifted in front of you.  “Well, she must like you.”

“Why’s that?”  You ask in annoyance. 

“Because she doesn’t let me get a word in if she doesn’t agree, not even for a choice of lunch.”

You scoff.  “I just need her to realize who was right and wrong.  We weren’t going there to-” You lower your voice “-kill anyone.  But Gladys was way more trigger happy than Helen knew.”

“Was she?  And it sounds like she gave you all a hard time on more than one occasion.”  Jackson inquires.

“Yeah, she didn’t like Erik from the beginning and we didn’t know why until that night.  Turns out she pretended not to know Erik but actually did and held a grudge against his family.”

“For what?”

“Cuz his daddy didn’t want her daughter, Marie’s mama.  Said his rejection sent her in a tailspin and she died, leaving Marie on her.”

“Interesting….”  Jackson mumbles. A door opens behind them as a man steps out that jogged your memory abruptly.

“Hey folks.  Jackson. Sorry it took so long.  Heyyy…. sweetness, how you been? I miss our talks.”  

Detective Anderson stands before you smugly as he hands a folder to Jackson.  “Your girl has a hearing coming up. The judge wanted you to have this in advance.”

Jackson takes it, practically ripping it open to study its contents.  “This is great, thanks.”

Detective Anderson looks back to you.  “You look well, glowing even, despite the circumstances.”

You roll your eyes.  “I do what I can. No need to make myself sick over things I can’t control.”

He laughs hoarsely at this.  “Ahh, cool as a cucumber aye?  I find you have to have a healthy balance of stressors and satisfiers to make sure we don’t lose our minds.  Take Erik for instance…”

“Yeah?”

He steps up to you slowly.  “He’s been ignoring our contact, hiding out like a rat escaping the cat, but soon as you think you have some cheese-”  CLAP! His hands thunder together inches from your face. “-the bar comes down like karma. Swift and sudden, snapping its neck.  Woulda been easier to just deal with the cat!”

Jackson notices this, putting away the file.  “Hey, Anderson. Let the young lady alone. She isn’t on trial here.  You’re overstepping.”

Anderson smiles tightly, pulling at the collar of his shirt, that covers a tattoo you notice immediately, like one of those tacky tribal tattoos frat boys get to look like their tough and don’t give a shit while pursuing their father’s legacy career to guarantee receiving inheritance.

“Hey, don’t worry about it, I’m just having some fun with the girl.  You know she hasn’t smiled once since we have known each other. It’s a shame really, try it sometime.”  His face stretches into a gnarly grin that leaves you feeling dread, and questioning your need to come up here and drag things along. 

Jackson cuts the interaction from going on any further.  “Alright Anderson. Thanks again. I’ll see you again if I need anything else.”

He shrugs casually, nodding in his direction.  “Anytime. Any place…” He sneers, walking towards the back offices, leaving you both in the lobby as you seethe.

“See?  See that shit?!  People like him being in direct access with this situation is going to get everybody fucked up in here.  You don’t know and Sister Helen may not see it, but it’s fucking everyone against us right now!” You wipe your brow feeling the room spin.

“Hey, hey.  Don’t worry about it.  He’s just doing his job-”

You cackle immediately, without a care.  “How fucking dare you. Like I’m sorry, but how dare you.”

Sister Helen gets off of the phone and stomps over to you.  “What the hell are you being loud about? This is not a zoo!”

You put a hand up.  “Ohh, but it is, and I’ve been attacked, yet none of y’all seem to care!”

Sister Helen folds her arms, tapping her toe slowly against the tile floor.  “Who got you here to meet with my nephew? Who thought to even DO that for you?  And that big head boyfriend of yours?”

Scoffing you say,  “Ok, that is my cue to get the fuck out of here.”

Jackson steps in front of you, looking more tired than ever.  “Wait! We have to hash this out. I have a couple things I’m juggling right now, and I can’t reschedule so easy.  This alone is a big favor.”

You roll your eyes.  “Then tell your Auntie to reimburse your billable hours cuz I’m good!”

Sister Helen slings her purse over her shoulder.  “Yeah, and make sure you wear something appropriate on Saturday.  I expect you to be there.”

You twist up your face.  “I’m not doing volunteer work right now, I-”

“THE FUNERAL!  God!” Sister Helen throws her hands up in duress.  “Think about SOMETHING ELSE FOR ONCE! You’re too much in your own head, you need to pray on that.  Find some damn peace, and He can turn things around for you. You’re straying too far from where you’ve been, you need to get some air and-and be with like-minded folks!”

You purse your mouth silently looking at Sister Helen.  Your mind does somersaults with all of the ways you could read her down and remind her how beneficial that sounds if not for the fact that the woman everyone else would be mourning is the woman that you revered, and everyone else should.

You clear your throat.  “Remember when my mother came to church with me under her arm, it was a rainy day in October.  Cold! And when you add rain to it...Anyway, we had been living out of her car for a little over a week.  No one could tell Sunday morning, because my mother has pride and wasn’t going to let anyone know that her and her baby were destitute, and in all honesty we weren’t.  She gave me everything but a house and I barely missed that. My father kicking us out was the best thing he gave us. No arguing, late night hearing dishes break and my mom yelling for him to stop.  No more seeing women sitting on his lap when I got home from school while my mother worked the night shift. Just….peace.”

Sister Helen’s face softened, looking down shamefully as she started to say something but you talk over her to continue as Jackson puts a hand on his aunt’s shoulder.

“We would go to McDonald’s and split one of those grand breakfast’s and she’d always let me eat most of it, no matter what, and then I’d play in the park all day while she talked on her phone about adult stuff.  But one night...we were asleep in the car and I was laid across her lap as she sat in the driver’s side and I just remember a huge smash and glass hitting my face. My father had found where we were and he kept yelling to her to ‘Give me my daughter!’ but she wasn’t having it, she wouldn’t let me go; kicking and punching at him whenever he got hold of any part of me.  I had never seen her fight back so hard as she did that day.” 

You close your eyes and take a deep breath as your emotions catch up to your words.  The ferocious hatred from your father, the pleading strength of your mother, you were just scared.  You loved your parents, you didn’t understand why yours couldn’t be normal like the ones in Disney movies.

“So when the cops arrived, they basically told us to break it up and go our separate ways.  Anything more would have to be done in front of a judge. And my mother laid a blanket across the seat for the shards of glass she didn’t have time to clean and got us the fuck out of there while the police stayed back with my dad.  The rain soaked her from the broken window and she looked broken, sobbing and gulping for breath but she just looked at me and kept saying we would be good, we would be ok. God’s got us. And I believed that when we pulled into the church parking lot.  I LOVED church! I had friends, there were cookies, the music was everything, it was nice. And one of the Sunday School teachers saw us coming up and opened the door, you know who it was?”

Sister Helen played with her cross necklace nervously.

“Well, it was Gladys.  She said ‘What are y’all doing here at this hour?’, you know how she was.  My mama explained the whole thing from start to finish, mind you, you the pouring rain because she hadn’t let us in yet.  She looked down at me and back to her and asked is she on something, if she was selling things. Shit I didn’t understand but thinking now, she probably thought my mother was prostituting and my father was her pimp.  But in the end, she said the church was closed, Pastor was unavailable, yada yada. My mother tried to reason and said she would be out by dawn or by the end of the rain, whichever came first, but she wasn’t having it.  Finally she asked for a trash bag to put over he broken window and she kindly offered the used ones in the dumpster out back.”

“Baby…”  Sister Helen says softly, reaching out.

You shrug, taking a step back.  “It’s people like her, and eerily people like you that hear someone in need of help and ignore ev-ery call they make to say it’s God’s will and you sleep at night just fine!  YOU can do something, that’s what He really wants! And I mean, that’s one story of mine. Who knows how many more there are from others. Yet, I’m supposed to forget all of that to listen to people talk about her being a soldier for Christ and a long-standing member and how she will be missed?  I ain’t going there to praise her, she wasn’t MY friend. I would go to bury her, with my own damn shovel.”

You turn on your heel to walk out of the glass doors, running across the street against traffic as you go over the the restaurant Erik is sitting at.  

His grey Hanes long sleeve looks elegant on his as he mutters over a cup of coffee before seeing you walk in.

“Hey baby!  What’s….oh shit.  What’s the matter with you?”  Erik says, getting up from the table.

You jump up to hug him, holding tight onto his neck as he holds you snug in his arms.  

“Nothing right now. Just give me one minute here.”  You say quietly.

That’s exactly what he gave you.  A minute in silence with him felt like a week’s vacation as you emotionally recharged.  Breathing in his musk, you feel the love radiate throughout your chest and body as his heartbeat with yours.  Erik wasn’t worried about the patrons coming in and out seeing them there, he just thought of you, rubbing your back and holding his lips to the side of your face as his body slowly swayed.  

When you had gotten your fill, your hand grips the nape of his neck as you stare into his eyes, framed today by his gold rimmed glasses.  

“Thank you.  I just didn’t wanna talk for a minute.”

He smirks, making one dimple deepen in his face.  “Ain’t no problems when you here with me, understand?  I got you, come sit down and talk to me.”

You break your embrace, taking a seat in the booth across from him as he takes your hand, running his fingers across your knuckles.  

“You want something to eat first?  You feeling kinda light to me. Some bread can settle your nerves.”  Erik suggests, eyes darting across your face to study your state of mind.

“Maybe.  Not this though, no preservatives gonna make me feel better right now.”  You sigh, staring out the window.

“Aight then, shoot.”  

“Well, I met Helen’s nephew, he seem nice enough, but definitely a lawyer.  Not trying to take sides between me and her but hear all parts of the argument.”

“Y’all argued?”  He asks, into his coffee cup.

“No….I mean, kind of but it really was a discussion.  You know how she’s been since Gladys passed.”

“Yeah, up my ass about it.”  He mutters.

“Basically.  And she’s planning her funeral and she wants me to go.”

Erik laughs out loud, clapping his hands together before noticing you weren’t joining in on the joke.  “Oh shit, for real? You goin?”

“Yes, and no.  Why would I go?  The woman was the devil himself, and I ain’t a masochist.”

“And she ain’t like that?”  

You lean back, shaking your head.  “No, hell no! She thinks I’m straying too far from being the ‘normal, little goodie, church girl’ she thought I been.”  You say with air quotes.

Erik’s jaw tightens.  “And that’s cuz of me, right?  According to her?”

“According to her, yeah.  But I set her straight. My decisions are my own, and this isn’t me going away from the light.”

“I never understood how people like that can tell you exactly what is the right way to go.  Life ain’t a dark room with one light. It’s a whole lotta lights, different watts and colors that overwhelm you with no way of knowing which is right but you trust your gut and hope you don’t moth your own ass.”

You laugh a little at that, imagining yourself as a bewildered bug getting zapped by the wrongly chose glowing orb.  “Exactly. So I just let her know what was the real issue and said at best I could bring you a shovel to bury her with.  But no flowers, no none of the rest.”

“Daaaamn, (Y/N)!  You savage savage, huh?”  Erik said gleefully as he took your hand and rested it against his forehead for a second.  “You are the baddest woman I’ve known, it’s crazy. I almost wanna go now just so you can do that.”

“There’d be two funerals then, try me.”  You say snatching your hand back with a sly smile.  You cross your arms and look out the window as Erik goes to your side of the booth, sliding in to put his arm around your shoulders, kissing your neck softly.  You wriggle your neck from him,turning your body into his as you reach to slowly take off his glasses. Cupping his face, you receive one sweet kiss from his, the warmth of his body with the circular massage of your arm with his thumb made you forget where you were for a moment.  You pulled from him looking him in his eyes without a single thought. No headaches or inundations of bad memories and planning the future, just his lovely face branded into your eye sockets. 

Turning your back into him, you settle into the crook of his arm, stroking his forearm as he lays his head against yours, looking out the window.  

“We didn’t even get to do anything with her nephew today.  Because of all of that--OH!”

Erik perks up, looking down at you.  “Wassup?”

You point out the window.  “That guy! I didn’t even tell you bout him!”

Erik sits up leaning over you to get a look.  “What you know him from?”

You go up to the glass.  “From my first interrogation, for one.  THEN just in there! He had a file for Helen’s nephew and then he just ripped into me again, like he was trying to intimidate me.  Jackson had to practically pull up apart.” 

“What’s his name?”  Erik asks, putting on his glasses, eyebrows severely furrowed.  

“It’s Anderson, Detective Anderson.  He is such an asshole! I don’t want to be in the same room with him ever.”

The detective walks across the parking lot to his call, talking on the phone as he unlocks the door to hop inside.  Erik’s face looked more pale as he watched the man back up and drive off.

You turn to him, willing him to look at you.  “Baby, it’s fine. I’m good now, you don’t have to be upset-”

Erik looks at you with a seriousness you hadn’t seen since before Gladys died.  “Why was he talking to you in there just now?”

“Be-Because he was with Jackson-”

“What’s Jackson gotta do with him!  I thought he was with Helen?!” Erik says through his teeth, resting a fist on the table.

You feel trapped in the booth all of a sudden as you try to read the source of Erik’s anger.  “Erik. I’m not talking to you like this, you know I don’t like this shit. You need to walk this off or I’m walking out. Pick!”

Erik hangs his head down, you feel his leg jump as he takes some deep breaths.  “I...I’m sorry, baby.”

You let your guard down a little and run your hands along his locs gently hugging his head, speaking softly.  “I accept it. Now, I’ll explain it like thie child you’re being. He interrogated me the first time, telling me about the cops wanting me to give you up.  Then I see him today, looked like Jackson was giving him info on a case. I don’t know though cuz like I said, we didn’t even get to scratch the surface before me and Helen got into it.  Then he just went on somewhere.”

Erik picks his head up nodding.  “Ok, I follow you. Now I gotta ask you, did he have a accent or sound weird when he talked?”

You think back to the conversations you all had, though most of it you tried to forget.  “Not that I noticed. He has a weird tone maybe but I didn’t think nothing of it. He didn’t sound foreign.  Do you think you know him?”

Erik grabs his mouth as he thinks for a minute.

“He has this odd tattoo that I didn’t think cops could have but maybe?  It was like some tribal shit near his neck. Bold, black spiky designs.”

Erik holds your shoulders.  “Aight, (Y/N) we got some bigger shit to deal with if he is anywhere near this.”

“Why?”  You ask, feeling scared again.

Erik’s eyes are wild, but not from anger this time.  Just completely desperate, like he’s fighting to stay human when the full moon’s out.  “That is someone I know from before I came back here, and half the reason I came back at all.  But it’s not good. His name isn’t Anderson, or whatever the fuck he said. It’s gotta be Klaue, he the one that recruited me to do shit, shit that got a lot to do with the scars I got now.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”  You gasp, thinking of the man that made Erik bad, taking all of his good and crushing it to make him a killing machine.

“He was part of that family, the white one you saw me with.  He sponsored me, brought me up but once I got grown, things changed to some sick shit.  He taught me to kill, to hunt, any and everything. Then he got focused on Wakanda cuz what they got could make him rich.  He didn’t know I was Wakandan and I had some choices to make.”

“And now he knows you’re here!”  You say worrisome.

He nods slowly.  “So I gotta know what the fuck he got with Jackson.  If they workin together, looking to trap me, you, whatever the fuck.”  

“So...did y’all leave on good terms by chance?”  You ask haphazardly.

Erik cocks his head towards you, looking unimpressed by your question.  “You know the answer to that. He...was a pawn for me. Just a means to get to where I thought I wanted to go.  He wanted one thing: vibranium. With that, the most powerful metal on Earth, he could do whatever he wanted. Steal shit without worrying about a fight cuz vibranium is so adaptable, he can manufacture weapons beyond his imagination.”

“Why did you leave then?”  You ask.

“I wanted a quick way to get to Wakanda.  I thought that was the end goal in the end.  But then he made a trade for some vibranium and got diamonds.  Vibranium for diamonds, you hear me?” He says, his voice rising in disbelief.  

“I assume the value is pretty far apart.”  You add.

“It’s like trading your whole car for one hubcap.  Shit don’t make sense, vibranium is practically like oxygen, carbon; it’s essential to so many things  and he pissed it away for some DIAMONDS! Cheap shit!” Erik leans across the table to angrily sip his coffee.

You chuckle softly.  “Damn, so I’m chasing after peasant shit then.”

Erik looks back at you.  “Baby, diamonds is nothing to me.  You gotta dream bigger. That’s clearance sale shit next to vibranium.  So, when he gave that up, I was fucking done. He wasn’t trying to go back to Wakanda since they beat his ass over stealing they shit the first time.  The bad thing is I thought I left him for dead but clearly, his cracker ass still walking these streets.”

“Fuck, you tried to kill him?!”  You say covering your mouth from saying it too loudly.

Erik’s eyes look around incredulously.  “Have you seen my body? Heard the story?  He wasn’t my first, damn why you actin?! At that point it was like swattin a damn fly!”

“Ugh no I mean, hell if you tried to kill him then he definitely trying to get back at that ass.  He wants your neck, and if he, which I don’t get how, infiltrated the police then he got every right to kill your ass and make it look like all in a day’s work.”

“You ain’t a lie….”  Erik says low. 

“Then!  We need a plan.  Look, I’ll call up Jackson again and see if he can see us.  He act like he real busy but it shouldn’t take all day.”

“And if he who I think he is, nigga’s schedule will clear up real quick.”

\-----

Sitting on the couch, you contemplate the evening ahead of you.  You’re sitting on your couch, on your knees with you hands in front of your face taking some time for you and God to have a little chit chat.  As you pray, you hear the toilet flush and Erik walk into the living room. 

“Uh uh, whatchu doin?” Erik asks, wiping his hands on his pants.

You peek from one eye.  “What’s it look like I’m doin.”  

Erik shakes his head.  “Move over, you know you wrong.”

You screw your face up.  “Nah, Erik, I’m being serious right now.  Leave me alone for a second.”

Erik is on his knees next to you, taking your hand in his.  “Where two or more gather, God is there, right? So why you gonna pray by yourself when you got a strong ass God fearing nigga in the other room.  I wasn't takin a shit, you could waited til I was done!”

You attempt to cover his mouth with your hand.  “God don’t wanna hear all that cussin during his time.  Ever think of that!”

“Come as you are, Sister!  No shame!” Erik says dramatically in his best pastoral voice.

You both bow your heads before you say, “Next time come with dry hands.  Use the towel, not your pants.” After prayer you beg Erik to change into something more clean before your company arrived.

You clear the table in your kitchen as Erik is in the bedroom.  Jackson got back with you a couple days later and planned to meet with you that evening so you kept yourself busy by making sure all surfaces were cleaned and orderly, mostly to calm your nerves than to present a hospitable home.

Looking in the fridge, you call back to Erik.  “Hey, Erik! You think I need to set out some snacks or something?”

Erik pops out the back in a hoodie and Adidas pants with a duffle bag.  “We ain’t feeding nobody shit, I don’t know why you botherin with half of what you doin.”

You close the fridge door, holding a pitcher of water and a bag of lemons.  “It’s just so we can seem normal and welcoming, instead of like he’s entering an interrogation room.”  You fill the pitcher with water, setting it down on the table as you search for some scissors to cut the net bag they were in.  

“Erik, have you seen my-”  A click of a gun being cocked back stopped your train of thought.  You see Erik loading a magazine into a handgun, the sliding pop of the metal being set in place as he comes over to the kitchen table with a roll of duct tape.

“What’s that for?!”  You ask aggressively.

Erik kisses his teeth as he kneels.  “Man, I’m tryna make sure I’m prepared and normal, just like you.”

“Ain’t nuthin fuckin normal about a gun in my kitchen.  Put it up!” You say through your teeth.

The sound of tape ripping as he pats the table to secure the gun answers your demand for him.

“There.  It’s up.” 

“That’s not what I mean!  Quit ignoring me!”

He goes to a drawer by your toaster and rifles around, bumping it closed with his hip and walking over, handing a pair of scissors to you.  “This man in unknown to either of us. I’m playing smart. Old me would be hiding behind the door with the barrel trained on his ass so all he gotta do is make his curtain call.  I think...I’m doing a fair job trying.” 

You snatch the scissors from his hand to work on the bag.

“Damn!  Don’t be snatching!  I was holding the fuckin blade, you wanna cut me?!”  Erik exclaims looking over his hand.

You kiss your teeth, looking at his palm.  “Whatever, you tryin me today.”

“See?  And you worried bout me.  You ruthless!” Erik goes to the fridge, pulling another handgun to put on an inside shelf.

“ERIK, come on!”  You chastise him, but before you lay into him there’s a knock on the door.  You didn’t have to to add lemons to the water, so you took them back in the fridge.  “Erik, put your bag up and answer the door!” You whisper loudly, taking the gun from the shelf he set it in.

His footsteps thump around in the bedroom before jogging to the front door.  You run over to the couch, stuffing the gun among the pillows, feeling another gun in the exact spot.  Fucking Erik.

Erik greets the visitor.  “Hey man, you Jackson?”

“I am, you must be Erik.  You’re much bigger than I thought you’d be.”

Erik claps his hand in a jovial shake.  “I don’t get that a lot. Hey (Y/N)! You shoulda told me he was lookin like Carlton, that woulda made me feel hella better!”  

Letting him in, Jackson waves to you on the couch.  “Nice to see you again. Lovely place you got here.”  

You nod, smiling.  “Thank you! I appreciate that!  Have a seat, do you want some water?:

Jackson sits on one end of the couch.  “No, no. I won’t be long actually. It’s been a long day.”

Erik sit on the other side of you, laying a hand on your knee.   “Yeah, we appreciate you takin the time to meet with us, man. You been doin law for long?”

“Yes and no.  I’ve been at it about 15 years now.  Honestly, I’m still considered a novice in some circles, but being a Black attorney, you learn quick.”

You nod.  “Sure, I get that.”

“And as you know my Aunt, learning to argue is ingrained in my blood so…”

You share a laugh, looking back at Erik who smirks, nodding subliminally.  You figure Jackson must not be exactly who Erik thought he might be but there’s still a lot of questions to fill.

“So (Y/N) and Erik, I really wanted to just hear the unfiltered, unbiased version of the events that led up to the situation that is at hand today.  Just tell me what got us here.”

You and Erik tag team the details from him joining church to him being involved with Marie temporarily and getting shot, the fight at the church, your arrest, which helped you segue to a point you had to hammer out.

“You know the guy that interrogated me was the guy that gave you that file, did you know that?”

“Oh Anderson, yeah.  He’s a new transfer from what I hear, seems a bit eccentric.  Sorry about that, I could put in a word with his superior about the fact.”

You shake your head, feeling Erik squeeze your knee firmly.  “It’s ok. He just rattled me, no harm really.”

“His behavior was unacceptable though.  Especially after you told me that story as you were a child with Sister Gladys, I knew helping you would be the best thing here.”

“What story?”  Erik asks.

“Thank you, Jackson.  I knew I felt something good around you, I just never know with cops and lawyers who is on the side of who.”  You say, ignoring Erik.

“I really thought he was more level headed than that.  In actuality, he got me some info on my daughter’s case.  She’s 16 in the woman’s facility, it’s crazy the amount of punishment they are putting her through.”

“That’s wild.  What did she do to get there?”  Erik asks.

Jackson shrugs, shaking his head.  “Petty stuff honestly. It started when her mother passed, and she’s acting out ever since.  It’s almost too cliche to talk about. I work the law, and the law is working her!” He reaches into his pocket to scroll for a picture to show you both.

“She’s beautiful and smart, but I think she is bored and in need of more significant direction.  The school I had her in wasn’t fitting the needs she sought to develop. She’s a creative and of course those programs get cut first in budget meetings so even though she’s real good with sciences, not having that balance just takes her out of it completely.”

You and Erik look over the screen to see the young lady.  Soon as you saw the picture, your hand covers your chest, feeling your heartbeat pick up erratically.

Erik notices swiftly.  “Something wrong, baby?” 

“Um...uh, what’s...what’s her name?”  You ask shakily as the screen times out.

Jackson takes his phone back peering at you.  “Arielle. My world.”

“I know her.  When I was arrested, I spoke to her.  She is an amazing young lady, so sweet.”  You say, feeling your eyes begin to well.

Jackson cups his hands in front of his mouth, eyes beginning to glisten.  “I’m glad to hear that! That’s so good…” His head dips as his shoulders shake.

Erik rubs your back.  “Hey, uh, how come you ain’t bailed her out or something?”

Jackson wipes his face, speaking between sniffles.  “Well, the court decides how much bond is, if any. They decided to rescind her bail, so she is forced to be there until a hearing.”

“That’s fucked up.”  Erik says quietly.

“No shit.  She’s housed at the jail that we were in a few days ago.  And that’s where she will be until God knows when.”

Thinking back to that day, your brain hatches an idea that crept into your mind.  “Jackson, I want to ask you something but I don’t want it to appear selfish.”

He looks to you intently.  “No, no. Shoot. Whatever you wanna say, say it.”

“Um…”  You look to Erik a moment.  “If Arielle is there and Marie is as well maybe, just maybe, Arielle can help us get a little more insight on Marie since she is playing crazy with everyone else?  She can relay some stuff to us, or you specifically that can help this case!”

Jackson looks off into space, kneading his hands together in thought.  “Actually, that does remind me of a detail I meant to lead with but I guess nervousness took it from my priority list.”

“What’s that?  We don’t have to do it, I’m just thinking out loud anyway”  You say.

“No that’s not a terrible idea to start, however Marie would be available to us for a short period tomorrow afternoon because she is going to attend Gladys’ funeral.”

Your stomach lurches so hard you assume you’re about to puke.  “Ex-excuse…”

“She gets rights to come to a funeral when she sitting in jail waiting on a charge?”  Erik asks angrily. “Her ass ain’t got no damn sense to be let out. How she get permission?  You said she wasn’t even forming words to Sister Helen!”

“She wasn’t!”  You argue back.”

Jackson holds his hands up in calm.  “That’s true but I think she either had a moment of lucidity or some strings are being pulled on account of her situation.”

You look to Erik saying with your eyes what your mouth couldn’t in front of Jackson.  He looked back with the same expression. It is too clear who is behind this now, and the funeral would prove it once and for all.

“Erik, make sure you iron some black shit, cuz that funeral is happening and we will be there.”

Jackson looked at you in surprise.  “Oh really? I thought you were adamantly against it?”

Erik reaches into the couch to pull out his gun and yours you hid.  “Lady says we goin, we goin.”


End file.
